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coming out to my family and future problems

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by mmonroe, Mar 12, 2022.

  1. mmonroe

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    hey everyone! I’m new here and I really need some advice. So far I never spoke someone LGBT. Because where I live (Turkey) I’m so nervous about being lesbian. I always denied it you know because the minute accept being lesbian everything will change. A few months ago I really get sick of this and accept it.That was a good decision for me. But when I think about future everything feels complicated. My biggest problem is coming out to my parents. My sister is fine and next week I’m thinking to talk to her. But after that I dont know what to do. Especially with my mom and dad. They are religious. My dad has a certain thougt that being homosexual is not normal. Well because of his believes thats pretty normal to think like that. I dont exactly know what my mom would think but I know one thing, she definetly will be sad. Dissapointed maybe.Right now I have a excellent relationship with them and I dont want to ruin it. I’m 16 years old so I think I’m not going to tell them right now maybe when I 18-19. But also I dont know. Everything feels so complicated and I dont know what to do. Should I tell them as soon as possible or wait?
    And another thing that make me feel anxious is a fact that I probably never gonna find someone at least until uni. Because like I said before, I live in Turkey and a small city. Even though I like someone I never tell them because they are probably straight. Or act like one. Plus my school fulls with homophobics. So even I find someone (which seem impossible) I never be with them freely. This feeling is bothers me so much.

    Thats all I would like to say. I really need support and advices right now. I hope you can understand what I try to say. English is my second language so probably I made a lot of mistakes. I hope its understanble. Anyway thank you for reading this.
     
  2. quebec

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    mmonroe…..Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: I can remember the first post that I madeon EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help so many years ago. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on Empty Closets and hope that we can answer questions, givesupport if you need it and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) :old_big_grin: when that becomes necessary! There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Sexual Orientation”, there are a lot of people there who will understand what you are dealing with. When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on theirProfile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a StaffMember as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: :old_cool:

    *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), andconsistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership.

    *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! :old_rolleyes: If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on myProfile Page or send me a Private Message.
    …..David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  3. BiGemini87

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    Welcome to EC, @mmonroe--you've come to the right place.

    Coming out can be a really scary experience, especially when you don't live in the most accepting community. I think the best thing you can do is take things slow, and really think about the pros and cons of coming out while living with your family. For instance, if you come out, do you see your parents kicking you out, becoming abusive, taking away certain privileges, etc? If there's even the slightest risk that your parents might react this negatively, it might be best to hold off until you have some financial independence from them. I know that isn't ideal and can make keeping this secret feel very heavy, but sometimes it's necessary to ensure you have that freedom in the future.

    If your parents aren't the sort to do anything like that (which it sounds like they probably wouldn't, if you have a healthy relationship with them), then I'd recommend starting with one person. It could be your sister, it could be a trusted friend, or it could be your mother--either way, I wouldn't make your father the first person you tell, because if you tell your sister or mother first, they might have some advice on how to approach him (or whether you should).

    And above all, make sure you're ready. Coming out isn't an obligation--it's about communicating to others what/how you feel, and that you're coming to accept this truth about yourself. So if you're not ready, please don't force yourself. But if you are, just be careful.
     
  4. quebec

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    mmonroe…..Coming out can be a wonderful or an ugly experience depending on the reaction of those that you come out to. The big thing to remember is that it is all up to you. When, where, to whom and how you come out are your choices, no one else’s. When there is a chance that the experience may not go well I often suggest that you consider writing a letter. You can take your time writing the letter (or an email) and make sure that you include what is important and leave out what is not. A big plus is that you don’t have to be present when the letter is read! That way the person who receives the letter has time to think about it. You have probably had years to think about your sexuality, it’ only fair that you give them some time to think about it too! Also, you don’t have to use the letter…you can still choose to come out face-to-face and use the letter as a kind of ‘script’ to help you say the right things! Another thing that I think will help a lot…whoever you come out to will probably have questions. For example: How do you know that you are a Lesbian? Or How long have you felt this way? etc. If you think about what they might ask and plan the answers to four or five questions in advance it will help you to come across as more mature and thoughtful, which will be a big plus in your favor! There are some sample coming out letters here on Empty Closets. If you go to the Welcome Page (do not login) and click Resources, you will see a box displayed on the left that has an option “Coming Out Letters”. Just click on that and you are good to go! I hope this all helps a little! Remember…you are a part of our LGBTQIA+ family, and we do care!
    …..David :gay_pride_flag: