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Coming Out at Work?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Harleigh, Feb 22, 2021.

  1. Harleigh

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    So, I had been questioning for about a year, but a couple weeks ago I came to a conclusion. At this point, I don't have an exact label that fits, but leaning hard on the lesbian side of the scale between lesbian and bi. So I guess I would go with queer? (Is that OK to say?) Anyway, so I've 3 close friends, and all 3 of them said they already knew.

    Anyway, so know that I've figured it out, I want to start coming out. I mean, I DEFINITELY am not prepared to come out to my super religious Republican Trump-loving parents, but they don't know anybody that I work with, so work seems like it could be a safe place to it. Despite living in the Bible Belt, I work in the city, and there are many out LGBT people at work and they are very accepted. Additionally, I am supposed to be starting a side job soon (1 day/week).

    I'm wondering if I should
    1) Just start my new side job as already out? It is in the suburbs, so it might be less progressive, and I don't really know the culture there, but it is an equal opportunity employer, so they can't really discriminate against me. Maybe it would be easier to just come in with a rainbow bag or something and then I wouldn't have to come out later.

    2) Come out at the job I already have? I mean, it does seem like most people would be supportive. For example, during pride month, they put out rainbow heart stickers and many staff wear them on their badges, even if they are heterosexual. I do think it might be a little weird, though, because everybody thinks I'm straight. My closest work friend (who I haven't seen in weeks, actually, since we haven't been working the same shifts) I'm kind of afraid to come out to. I've told her before that I was asexual. (Which I thought I was because I wasn't sexually attracted to men, but I just didn't realize that I was attracted to women.) She is a Trump-loving Christian. She literally has told me that I'm going to hell and invites me to church a lot. I just roll my eyes. But I feel like she might not take it well. Then again, she already thinks I'm going to hell, so what difference does it make if I'm gay?

    And then, what is the best way to come out? Do I
    1)Tell my friends individually and just not bring it up to anybody else unless they ask? Or tell everybody I work with regardless of whether or not it comes up naturally?
    2) Do something really casual with no commentary, like put a pride sticker on my water bottle and don't say anything unless somebody asks?

    I'm kind of leaning toward
    -Starting the new job as out/repping rainbow pride merch or something
    -Start incorporating rainbow stuff and my current job with no commentary unless somebody asks

    Thoughts? If you made it this far, thank you.
     
  2. Lesbee

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    Hi @Harleigh! I have to confess, I came here hoping to find answers to the same questions!

    Also, I relate a lot to your situation! I've been out as bi to friends & family who follow me online (or the super close people in my life), and now I'm questioning whether I'm actually a lesbian as my desire has gone away for my male partner of 5 years and I may have been forcing things all along (though I still deeply love him and want to work things out if at all possible).

    I also have Trump-supporting Christians in my life and have come out to them, too. If they're worth keeping in your life, they'll still love you and will try to wrap their heads around it. They may not fully get it, so just take care of yourself if someone tries "church-splaining". You don't have to win them over, just honor your truth.

    I've always wondered how to come out at work, or if it's even necessary, since our sex lives aren't really HR approved conversation anyway. Personally I would suggest the approach you mentioned - just start repping pride merch as soon as you're comfortable! If you have casual convos with friends about your weekends and met another woman or something, you could talk about things to the extent you're comfortable, but you don't owe anyone anything at all. Just do what feels safe and true to you.
     
  3. quebec

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    Harleigh.....I think most businesses would rather that personal issues be pretty much in the background at work. A picture of your family, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend...things like that are usually not a problem. A rainbow sticker would probably not be an issue either...you'll have to measure just how far your boss/manager will be willing to go. If you have questions about what is and is not consider OK, then the best policy is to ask the person in charge. Might be a little nerve-wracking, but much better than a reprimand or losing a job.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    Shorthaul and Lesbee like this.
  4. Shorthaul

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    I agree with quebec, low key or subtle would be a better way to go. A pin or a patch or a lunch box isn't going to draw a lot of attention and be relatively harmless if some pin head has a problem with it.