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Coming out as trans to transphobic family

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MeganAT82, Oct 4, 2021.

  1. MeganAT82

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Georgia
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hello everybody my name is Megan(my feminine name) and I want to come out as a trans woman but my family are super transphobic and hates anything related to trans topics and have said that if anybody comes out in my family will be disowned so i’m looking for a way to come out and be myself for the first time in my life.
     
  2. QuietPeace

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
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    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Welcome to EC.

    First and foremost, you should not come out if it is going to endanger you. If you still live with your family and coming out would mean becoming homeless then I think that it is a bad idea.

    I also have a very transphobic (and homophobic) family. I waited to come out until after I had gotten a job and my own place to live in another city. When I came out to them I did get thrown out. I was not really harmed by that because I had my own apartment. Some peoples families do get better when they find out they actually have a family member who is LGBT+. It would be wonderful if yours turns out to be that way but you should not count on it. Mine never accepted me for who I really am.
     
    Fiender, FireFox and LostInDaydreams like this.
  3. chicodeoro

    Full Member

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    Some people
    Yes, if you are still living with them I would wait until you have left home and gained a modicum of independence before you tell them.

    In the meantime you need to develop a support structure around you. Do you have any friends that you know would support you if you came out? Try them first. Seek out the LGTBQ+ community in your local area. You need allies, people who will have your back you during the long coming out process.

    And, of course, there is EC.
     
    #3 chicodeoro, Oct 5, 2021
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2021
  4. quebec

    Advisor Full Member

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    Some people
    Hello and a very big LGBTQ+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! The most important factors in deciding when to come out are:
    *****Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you.
    *****Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important. You may need to wait until you are out of the house and are financially independent in order to come out safely.
    *****Being out in middle school/high school is easier now than it used to be...but depending on your school and your relationship with other students, it can still be a problem. Try to evaluate these things and see what you seriously think about the results of coming out would be. Sometimes waiting...even when it is so difficult...is the only safe way to come out.
    *****You might want to consider using a letter WHEN the time comes to tell your parents/friends. Coming out in writing means you will not be interrupted or face a barrage of questions that you need to answer immediately, in the heat of the moment. You get time and they get time too and that counts for a lot. There are some great sample coming out letters here on empty closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking the time to think about it and to write one will help you to be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! Again a big plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a very big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can easily go bad. It gives the people reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had time to think about your sexuality...giving them some time to think about it too only seems fair! Check the letters out (see below)...they could be a real help!
    *****Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, your parents and/or friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're trans?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc. The questions themselves will vary a great deal dependent upon your family and friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of five or so questions with the answers already planned, you will be perceived as a more mature, serious person.
    *****COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php
    *****Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag: