Hi all I guess one of the things stopping me from coming out is not fear of rejection or prejudice or stuff like that but as ive been battling back and forth since my early teens (I'm 19 now) if I was to come out id worry that in the future i might just start to like girls more? I know people will think I am Bi, and maybe I am to an extent but I haave more of a passion and excitement when I think of guys. When I think about getting with a girl I guess its more of an achievement, something to tick off the check list? Anyones sexuality changed over time, or maybe relationship experience has turned you back to the opposite sex (or same) Help much appreciated :icon_bigg
It's not something you can forcefully change one way or the other, those who have tried; failed. Being bi is kind of like an inbetween, a gray area that doesn't be defined, nor need to be. One might be more inclined to men, then later more to women, but the overall feeling shouldn't dissipate.
The best answer I can give about sexuality is that it definitely can be fluid, but it can't really be changed. For example, you can be attracted to men and women, but have a preference, and be attracted to them in different ways. That doesn't mean you're wishy-washy, but might mean you're bisexual. I used to think I was 100% into women, but the further I get into my transition, the more willing I am to admit I am probably bisexual. My sexuality hasn't really changed with time, but my comfort levels with it certainly have and that has led to me ID'ing differently. Honestly, I wouldn't worry about sexuality changing. If you start to like girls more, then you like girls more! You can even use the label "questioning" if you're unsure, but you sound like you know that for now, you like guys and girls. And that's all your sexual orientation is, anyways.
Only you know what's right for you (guys, girls or both), but you don't need to put a label on it, unless you want to, and even if you do, you should wait until you know for sure, that takes time. It does for everyone. As for changing your sexuality, you can't forcefully do it, been there and tried it. Just doesn't work, it can change over time, but that's not the way I'd describe it: You may discover you're attracted/not attracted to [enter sex here]. Best of luck on your journey, need any extra help, I'm here for you
You can't deliberately change your sexuality. However, it can sometimes change on its own. In some cases it just sort of happens, and I've also heard of a few cases where neurological conditions cause a change in sexuality. (If you've been having frequent headaches, blurred or double vision, or loss of balance or coordination, go see a doctor. Otherwise, don't worry about it.) Also, you can convince yourself that you're feeling something you really aren't feeling. I used to convince myself that I had crushes on boys, and I've met a lesbian who did that as well as convincing herself that her female crushes were non-sexual liking.
Thanks for all these replies guys, been really helpful. I might have expressed myself wrongly in the 'Change'. I didn't mean can you change (ie forcing change) just does it naturally happen? met someone yesterday at work (guy):icon_bigg who i pray is gay but I don't know. And obviously with me not admitting the truth yet its difficult to find out:eusa_doh::bang:
I wonder about that. I get crushes on girls (not "girl-crushes", but straight up "I'm massively disappointed that she's already in a relationship, please notice me, blah blah blah crushes), but I worry that they're not sexual in nature, and then what kind of boat would I be in? I can't figure out if there really is a sexual element involved and I'm just not realizing it, or what the heck is going on. :tears: I do wonder if certain people's sexuality changes over time. Not just having an epiphany and realizing that you liked girls/guys all along, but genuine fluidity. I think I was more attracted to women as a child and then... something happened? /lol thread derail, I don't mean to talk about myself.
Yeah, I'm kinda wondering about that too. I was convinced I was attracted to women from age 9 to about 26 years old. In therapy, I discovered I'm likely gay, maybe bi, but I'm in a relationship with a woman. I'm stunned by my attractions. But I still love women, and female porn gets me aroused. Yet I feel gay. So did my orientation change? Or better put, now that I discovered my orientation, will it be something that will subside over time because it's new? Will I find my attraction to women again? Or am I destined to be gay? I'd love to keep my beautiful girlfriend, but I know I might have to leave her if this is my real orientation.
I don't think it changes, but I think it's possible in some cases that you can become more "sure" of your sexuality, so to speak. In my case, I thought I was a lesbian for several years, but only recently (in the last year or so) I realized that I am actually bisexual. My sexuality didn't change, I just realized that my sexual orientation wasn't what I had initially thought it was
The nuance here is that, as others have said, your orientation won't change, but your acceptance and awareness of it may. Many people adopt one label, but then later find that another one fits better. It's more common for people to use the "bisexual" label as a bridge to self-accepting themselves as gay or lesbian... that way, they're not totally closing the door, which feels safer for many... but as they become more comfortable, then they are more ready to accept the gay or lesbian label. And of course, some find it the other way as well. The bottom line really is that labels are for clothes... and if you just focus on understanding yourself, whomever you really are will eventually become clear
