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Can we really base somebodies sexual orientation based on bad sex experience alone?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ales33456, Oct 2, 2021.

  1. ales33456

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    Hi everyone I'm new here, nice to meet you all.

    I consider myself more of a curious person open to experiment, I did oral with men give and take and women give and take, cuddled with both, enjoy it, all good people, but preferred doing it with women and getting oral from a woman more. Right now I consider myself straight but potential bisexual in the future, who knows, still want to have my own kids and a good wife by my side. I can appreciate good looking handsome men just like a hot woman outside, I don't get erection to none of them stranger outside, but I do to get erection with girlfriend. My tool just works like that. I watched straight and solo female porn most, gay porn is not disgusting to me like it is to some other guys, but it also doesn't do anything for me, no excitement if there is no girl around, can go without gay porn all my life, but but I'm writing about something else still it can raise some question about my own orientation if I left some things not mentioned.

    Real question of the post

    I've noticed some good people on here coming to the forum asking for guidance on figuring out their partner's sexual orientation just because the sex is bad and weird. I question this and this is only my opinion but the Internet can't figure out other people's sexual preference over text, can it? I find that damaging that some could actually think they know the answers since we all had a different life story that built us. Sometimes bullying can leave severe scars that don't heal and implant mental blocks. We all have different experiences on what made us us, but our experiences can't make people know our orientation, am I wrong? Just my opinion.

    Example:

    A girl ask the forum if her bf is gay just because he could only orgasm pass masturbation while she was sucking his balls, he couldn't pass vaginal, anal, nor pass oral, he also didn't like playing with boobs or her body. Even if they had a great emotional connection and enjoy each other company and talk for hours, she was wondering if he is gay and asking the forum to give her the answer on what to do next.

    I found out that some good people had some solid answers to the girl, those that said, don't assume his sexuality based on performance, there could be other factors at play.

    I would note that as a male I also struggled with orgasming with ex girlfriend when I was a virgin, but it had nothing to do with my sexual orientation and everything to do with me being used to my hand masturbating to porn too much in my life instead of having sex. I had a fast masturbation with a strong hand grip habit, no vagina out there could replace the way I masturbated and condoms only made it harder, since there was just not enough stimulation. The only difference was I loved playing with her breasts and pussy, her body, it always gave me an erection, I could never had enough of it, it was like a drug, but if my EX back then would come on the forum asking for guidance based on my lack of orgasm, people would probably assume I was gay also in denial. Thing is that by leaving porn behind and not masturbating for a good week, my situation healed and I was able to orgasm, not using condoms while having intercourse also played a huge role here since I had to use some custom size ones.

    When the girls ask for people guidance, I didn't see anybody mentioning the following:
    What if he lacks fantasy, potential asexual, or perhaps a psychological problem, or physical, low libido, depression, stress, performance anxiety, any medical conditions could play in this, we can't just call people gay based on sexual performance.

    Since I could relate to her story I decided to write this down, I don't think we can assume other people sexual preferences based on single factors that is sex.

    One even said to suggest him to watch gay porn together and see if he is excited and to notice which gender he notices more outside in public.

    I found this suggestion questioning because I'm sure not all gay people watch gay porn and probably prefer something else and you can easy spot good looking people, doesn't mean you wanna be close to them or want to have sex with them.

    If he was asexual for example, his girl asking him if he was gay would probably come out disrespectful.

    What do I know, I'm just sharing to get some good peoples feedback or where they think I'm wrong or where they think I'm right. Open to a debate, only sharing my opinion that sexual orientation can't be seen so black and white.

    Good day to everybody
     
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    Hi @ales33456 and welcome to EC,

    In the five or so years that I’ve been on the forum, the vast majority threads have been posted by members who are questioning their own sexuality. So, discussing their own feelings, experiences, etc. and seeking support and insight from members who have been in a similar situation and can relate to what they are going through.

    There probably have been a few with members asking about their partner’s sexuality, but for me, no particular examples come to mind. I think it’s fair to say that any such discussions can only really be speculation because only the person themselves can define their sexuality. As you say, without knowing what the person themselves is feeling or experiencing, it’s almost impossible to say what’s going on. I believe that most of the advice given on EC is generally reflective of this.

    Does that answer your question? :slight_smile:
     
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  3. QuietPeace

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    The answer that I give to anyone asking about someone else's orientation is that a person can only figure out their own sexual orientation.

    A persons orientation is based on sex/gender.

    Preferences though are an entirely different matter. What one person finds attractive may completely turn off another person. Tall vs short, heavyset vs fit/slender, Hair color, Personal style and so many other things are part of a persons preference but those things are not part of a persons orientation. A straight man and a lesbian both prefer women but have different orientations. It does not mean that they will find the same women attractive nor does it necessarily mean that either of them find all women to be attractive.
     
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  4. BiGemini87

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    Hello, @ales33456! :slight_smile:

    I'd say advice on here is fairly well-rounded on such topics. But as @QuietPeace said--the only orientation someone can figure out for certain is their own.

    And you're right: you can't base a person's orientation on their sexual performance/enjoyment, because there are many factors that can contribute to performance issues. ED is a big one for guys, and a lot more common than people think. I'm not sure which discussions you saw that involved people giving advice suggesting the boyfriend was gay, but I have no recollection of it. If it happens, it's fairly isolated, and you'll find a lot of people take care in the advice they give (and in ensuring it's not taken with more than a grain of salt).

    I hope this helps? :slight_smile: