Hello EC, it's been a while since I've been on here. I wanted to ask for some advice: my boyfriend and I are potentially going to have anal sex (with him topping) sometime in the future, and it's something I really want to do. The problem is this: he has a really big penis, like off the charts kind of big (both in girth and length). The most I've ever taken for anal is a dildo toy that is much smaller (closer to an average girth), and even that I sometimes find a bit tricky to get in there (I usually feel quite 'closed shut'). Any advice? I don't really wanna go buy more toys, but I am aware that gradually working up in size is a thing people recommend. Maybe I start with my dildo and get real relaxed with it at its widest point and then take it out and try to take him? Any suggestions would be much appreciated. I also do have access to poppers, but would prefer other strategies if possible. Thanks all
A butt plug with a T shaped end. That way you can wear it and be stretched out but it won't slide inside you.
Artoffact suggestion will definitely help you but be sure to build up to longer periods over a few sessions rather than all in from day one. Read the manufacturers instructions first, they'll probably list a maximum wear time. You can buy them in sets with different sizes so once you're comfortable with one you can move up in size. The end goal is to train your sphincter to accept and this will take time and perseverance. When it comes to the actual act, a good bottom knows not to rush things and that you may not be able to accommodate him completely first time and if you say stop, he stops. You should be completely relaxed and ready. He can do this using his tongue (if you're both in to this), then move up to a finger, inserting and removing until you're comfortable with that. Once you are, he can move up to two or more fingers (finger size dependent) with the end goal of simply getting your sphincter relaxed enough and ready for him. Lube is incredibly important. Get a decent one. I personally would refrain from any lube that numbs the area as pain is a good indication that you're not ready. I found that when the sphincter says no, stop, allow your sphincter to relax then try again, gradually applying a little more pressure each time. If you're lucky your sphincter will eventually give in allowing him access. He should NOT fully enter until you're ready. This may take some time for you to slowly adjust to having him in there. Anal sex should be pleasurable, not painful. The position you choose may also help. On top allows you to control the penetration depth and speed. You probably want to avoid deep penetration positions at this early stage. Do some research, talk and be open with him. Temper your expectations and don't be disappointed if it doesn't work out first time.
Lube is your butt's best friend, and use a little more than you think you need. A thicker lube works a little better I have found, than thinner lube. And it is possible to be so excited you actually are no longer relaxed. Toys can be useful and your partner can use them on you during foreplay to help get you ready. Though do spend a little and get nice toys, just stay away from jelly toy and stick to silicon.
Communication is key! ie. stop, slower, softer, harder, what feels good, what doesn't feel so good, etc. Make sure you are on the same wavelength. This is a two-way street, both of you need to know what works best for your partner. When I top, I do my best to LISTEN, to make the experience the best my partner has ever had, regardless of whether it is our first time together. I think if both have that in mind from the get go, it makes a much better experience. This being said, like mentioned before, lube is your friend, use it! Until you learn what too much is, then too much is best! Butt play is great too. Before you all jump into it, spend some time getting to know one another in that area in a big way. I recommend this on a regular basis, not just on "game day". This gets everyone familiar with a very erogenous zone and helps with communication, and it is FUN!
