Hi everyone, this is my first post here, so I'll try to explain the best I can I'm a 27-year-old female and to be honest I've been questioning my sexuality for some years now. Up until my late teens I just assumed that I was straight, but I started questioning myself because I feel like I'm also sexually attracted to women. It's probably worth mentioning that I haven't had a relationship yet (was bullied up until the end of high school, so low self-esteem) and I've just kissed 1 guy (which I did like). I've had crushes on just 3-5 guys throughout my life, but not on any women (I rarely crush on someone to be honest). When I think about relationships, I imagine them with a guy. It's not that I try to push the idea of a relationship with a women down, but it genuinely just doesn't even cross my mind. I only try to imagine it when I'm questioning myself again, but it doesn't really trigger any interest to be fair. I have seen women (in pictures or real life) that I do find physically attractive though, and not just the "oh she's pretty"-attractive but as in they trigger something sexually for me. I know that porn in itself is not a great indicator for sexuality, but I do feel turned on by lesbian porn as well as straigth porn. I also sometimes fantasize about women, and when it comes down to it, I wouldn't be opposed to trying it in real life just like I would with a guy. Overall I fantasize mostly about guys, but women do come back regularly and sometimes I have a phase where it's mostly women. I hope maybe someone can give their idea on this Thanks
The fantasies about men and women would tend to indicate bisexual feelings, especially if it happens on a regular basis. This, combined with your willingness to explore sexual intimacy with a member of the same sex makes it even more conclusive actually. I am interested to know if the bullying at school was connected to your sexual orientation. When we are on the receiving end of homophobic or biphobic bullying it can lead to suppression and denial of our feelings and I'm wondering if you feel stuck in the questioning phase as a result of this. It may not even be a conscious thing, but something that has gradually seeped in over a period of time. Can you say what the bullying was about? The fact that you mentioned it would seem to suggest a certain significance.
Hello, Alexis! This one seems pretty cut and dry; given your attraction to the same sex as well as the opposite sex, your fantasies, and your willingness to explore, I think it's safe to say bisexuality fits you. The fact that you've never considered a relationship with the same sex before is actually pretty common amongst bi folk, especially those of us who come out later in life/repress our inclinations due to bullying by peers, home life, etc. In fact, some of what you've expressed seems to mirror my own experiences, so you're definitely not alone in this. I'll echo what Patrick said: what methods of bullying were you subjected to (if you wish to share them)? Did anyone ever accuse you of being a lesbian or anything of the sort, and if so, how did it make you feel at the time? It very well may have contributed to how you've been processing your sexuality today.
Hi @Alexis22. Your feelings and experiences are so similar to mine! Like the kissing that one guy and liking it part and having same sex fantasies. Minus the fantasies about men though. If you know you are sexually attracted to women that automatically puts you in the "not straight" zone. You sound open to the possibility of at least having a sexual experience with another woman. I also was bullied in high school, severely, and the low self esteem that resulted from that experience is still with me at 28 years old. I was on the receiving end of homophobic comments and verbal and even sometimes physical abuse. My bullies were mostly girls and I've never felt safe being completely myself around girls, even to this day. I too never had a serious relationship and can only think of being in one with a guy. Mainly because most guys are nice to me and accept the weird personality that comes with being me, which is why I am only dating guys right now. Despite not being attracted to them sexually. I've been stuck in the questioning phase for 6 years now. I would like to hear more about your experience with bullying, if you are open to talking about it. I can tell you that you are not alone. Self-esteem issues are really difficult to work through and regardless of sexual orientations, self-esteem plays a huge role in the quality of relationships.
Hi everyone, Thanks for your responses. Regarding the bullying, it didn't really have anything to do with sexuality. I was bullied as a kid because I was never really one of the cool kids to start with and some of those people went on to go to the same middle- and highschool so basically there was no chance of a fresh start so it just continued. It was mostly making subtle comments and laughing and the whispering/laughing behind your back kind of thing. It didn't necessarily happen every day (and it was never physical), but it happened enough to know what they really thought of me if you understand what I mean. I did have friends in school though and some people in class were nice and never made any comments, but I just never felt part of the group. I actually only really realized how much of an effect it actually had when I saw one of my former classmates on a train sometime and I basically avoided using the same door to get off the train just so that he wouldn't see me. Which honestly is ridiculous. But of course as most people who've been bullied know, it has its effects when you've felt inferior to the rest for most of your childhood and teenage years. I didn't get those first dates, crushes and relationships that most other people experience during their teens. Combine that with the fact that I rarely get a romantic crush on someone anyway, it makes it harder to figure everything out. Because there's practically no real-life experience to learn anyhting from and even to this day I don't feel like I'm the type of person that anyone would be interested in. And even if there were, I think I'd be too scared to actually go with it because I feel too self-conciuous about my body to be honest.
Alexis.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I try to welcome everyone who makes their first post here on EC and I almost missed you! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help so many years ago. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! There are a number of sub-forums here on EC...why don't you check them out and then feel free to join in the conversations! In particular there is a sub-forum titled "Sexual Orientation" if you post there I think you’ll find people who will understand what you are dealing with. This is a safe community of caring and supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community. You can ask questions in any of the Sub-forums by creating a new thread or by joining in a conversation-thread that is already going. You can also post a message on anyone's Profile Page after you have made at least ten posts yourself. If you have a question that is somewhat private you can always send a Private Message to any Staff Member. Normally Private Messages can only be exchanged between two Full Members, but a PM to a Staff Member is an exception. We are so glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets. …..David
Hi Alexis! I like your post and welcome to Empty Closets! I’m a 34 year old male and I know exactly how you feel. For most of my life I considered myself straight, but I knew whenever I saw guys on tv, in movies, or in pictures sometimes that I thought might be good looking, I got a special feeling in my heart and body. I didn’t think much of it until I was in my early 30’s and started to notice guys more as well as fantasize about them. This year, I came out to myself as bisexual because I realized that I not only had my life long attraction to women in every way, but that I also had a physical/sexual attraction to men too. I’m only out to myself and I’m not sure if I would ever tell anyone about me being Bi except for maybe close people and on here. I feel the same way too in that I never have even thought of having a relationship with a man, but I feel great knowing that I can be attracted to both genders! Just be you and always follow your heart!
