"bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of people.

Re: "bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of peop

Chip, once more I appreciate your words on the bisexuality issue.

To jb and others, there's no useful notion of "normal". Also, it's important to realize that people's attractions and identities can and do shift over life.

So embrace *yourself*, not your identity or its label. Don't pick a label, and then live by it...that's silly. Rather, just do what feels right, and determine by that what label fits...understanding that what feels right can shift and change over your lifetime.

Right now it sounds like maybe you want a relationship with a woman. Fine...go for that. But don't assume that your sexual attraction to men will just go away. At some point, your sexual interest in men may become an imperative to you...or you may develop a romantic capacity for them as well. Just be sure you communicate well with any long term partners, and keep one another appraised of your development as it develops.

 

Re: "bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of peop

Thank you

 

Re: "bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of peop

i disagree and think the kinsey tests are biased. its more likely people are a 6-7 or a 1-2, then 3-5. most people as you can see here fuck up and even lie to themselves that they are not completely gay to continue on with a straighter self image. in actuality they are either 1-2 or a 6-7 who have a hard time 'letting go'

 

Re: "bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of peop

Whatever you are, it is normal. You just be comfortable with who & what you are, so long as it's not hurting anybody or anything, and enjoy experiencing & being you.

(And, it's perfectly normal to me...'cause as you'll see under my user name, there...I am the same way. (Differently the same. lol But you know what I'm saying.))

 

Re: "bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of peop

You think Kinsey had bias, but you think we here are a representative sample??

 

Re: "bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of peop

Understand that my post wasn't directed at you. There is a world of difference between how you describe yourself and how Jb describes himself. He says he's sexually attracted to both sexes; you seem convinced you never were. Totally different, and so worthy of totally different advice.

If you have no sexual attraction to men, then don't date them. End of story. No need to disparage the concept of bisexuality...it probably just doesn't apply to you.

Worry about the *present* of your sexuality...who do you want to be with now? (sounds to me like you've answered that question) And communicate with long term partners about how you got where you are, and how your tastes and interests are changing (if they ever do). It's when we start *assuming* things about the future of our sexuality (its permanence, its impermanence, or what path it will take), and/or hide past or present tastes and interests from our partners that we open ourselves to future difficulties. That was the nature of my advice to jb, and I quite stand by it.

 

Re: "bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of peop

Jesus, NonsnsOnStilts. If the "bisexual" label feels problematic to you, then just make the jump and call yourself lesbian already. If you're a 5 or even a 4 on the Kinsey scale, go ahead and round up to lesbian if you want to. No complaints from me.

However, please, please, please don't insist that the concept of bisexuality is fundamentally flawed. It might not fundamentally fit YOU, and that's fine, but it does fit a number of us well, and you can't take that away from us.

I REALLY like having sex and relationships with butch and androgynous women a LOT. And sometimes I really want to suck a dick or cuddle with a man, too. I exist. I ain't going away. I'm bisexual and I'm queer.

Deal with it.
----- end angry bisexual rant -----

That said, I am sympathetic to the reality that many, many men don't take the queerness of bisexual woman seriously, as if queer ladies are just putting on a show for the male gaze. It is a real, fucked up, problem. As a man, I am sorry about that, and try to educate other men about why that is messed up. So I understand if you are also upset about that, and that it makes the bisexual label even less appealing.

Seriously, though, if the bisexual label is problematic for you, go ahead and just say that your a lesbian. You'll get no argument from me.

 

Re: "bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of peop

I can relate a lot to this post. I have a really difficult time identifying as a bisexual because of my sexual attraction (or lack thereof) to women. I am definitely not as sexually attracted to men as I am to women, but I am MOST DEFINITELY romantically attracted to both genders.

It's significantly more acceptable to identify as bisexual than as a heterosexual biromantic, because people think that everyone should be shoved into just a few distinct categories. This is where I like to use the Kinsey scale, because I do believe I'm around a 2.5ish.

 

Re: "bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of peop

I'm flawed and incoherent? Fabulous label over 9000! (!)

EDIT: I'm primarily androphilic, it seems. I'm like a Kinsey 2 or 1. But for now I'm rolling with the B label, because, well, I still find girls hot. So let me, dammit! XD Srsly guys, chillax

 

Re: "bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of peop

So, I read the first and last page of this thread, because it felt like if I tried to make it through the entire thing, I would have to invest just as much energy as I would were I starting a novel.

That being said, I'm sorry if this has already been said, but I honestly feel that labels exist to make everyone else comfortable with our identities. I believe we put entirely too much stock into what we call ourselves, and not enough in what those feelings actual are.

If you prefer the label "gay" I am fine with that. If you prefer the label "straight" well, boring, but okay. If you prefer bi, or pan, or what have you, that's your jam man. You do you, and imma keep doing me.

I'm bisexual. I'm not transitioning, I'm not confused. Yeah, it swings more one way than the other on occasion (pain in my ass) but I'm not going to panic about it and suddenly change. I am who I am, and everyone else can stuff it.

On an unrelated note, where exactly do people mean when they say 'stuff it?' Like...in...in the garbage? Right in the trash? I just don't know...

 

Re: "bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of peop

For me, the trauma and shame of the past 9 months has upended everything I knew.

- If I was straight and just now realizing I'm gay, many would sympathize with me. Tell me to be brave. To come out and live my truth.

- But if I was straight and just now realizing I'm bi, people say it's no big deal, I don't have to change my life. Stay with the husband, date women, what's the problem?

I guess my point is that realizing you're really, truly bi can be as challenging and life-changing as realizing you're gay.

I feel like straight people are all on this island, high and dry and rising out of the ocean on a huge cliff. And LGBTs are swimming around in the ocean just trying to live their life but not as safe as the straight ones. And bi's are in the ocean too. They're in the ocean with the Kinsey 6's, because they KNOW that they are different from everyone else on the island.

My point of view is that straight people think there's a beach, and bi's are safely on land, dipping their toes in the water. But bisexuality is a totally separate sexuality from being straight. There's no beach. This is my point of view at the current time.

Or maybe I'm totally gay and in denial... sorry if I am morbid or if I offend anyone, just ranting. Interesting thread.

 

Re: "bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of peop

@OP

I am fascinated by your analysis and all the thought you've put into this!

Agree wholeheartedly.

Will you go out with me?

 

Re: "bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of peop

I agree with this. Do you thinks it's possible that someone could be bi but could "not feel romantic attraction to the same sex" because they've been raised to suppress it?

 

Re: "bi" is a flawed and incoherent category and leads to confusion for a lot of peop

I know this is an old thread but I hate the notion that being bisexual means you're a bigot or you're limiting. As a bi person, I can basically be attracted to anyone. Just because I don't call myself pan or omni or whatever new label's out there doesn't mean I couldn't be attracted to non-binary genders. I'm attracted to people who are the same (masculine identified) as me and different (feminine identified) from me. To say that a bisexual can't be attracted to non-binary people or is bigoted...I think that's a flawed concept. You're basically defining a label and a community for other people, despite not being inside it.

And yes, there might be bisexual people who are only attracted to men or women. That's just as valid as me calling myself bisexual and being potentially attracted to everyone. I would also like to say that a common argument a lot of people use to denote bisexuality is saying that bisexual people can't be attracted to trans people. That's bunk. Because first of all, that tells binary trans people that they're not 'really' men or women- that they have to be some third gender in the eyes of a lover. And second, see my first paragraph.