Sooo I am not sexually attracted to people, right. I enjoy sex, so long as I have gotten to know the person. I'm not like “ooo i’d fuck that guy” and even when I get to know the person and like them a lot, I still don't. But once I consent to the action, and we start doing forplay and making out etc I do really want to have sex with them. And I really enjoy it. When I am masturbating on my own after having sex with said person, I masturbate to remembered how amazing the sex was, but not to the person. If I try to masturbate to the person it doesn't do it for me. But thinking about the sex does. Is this still considered ace? I'm not attracted to people sexually. I'm attracted to having sex. I really enjoy sex. I don't get turned on by someone, I only get turned on once making out and foreplay start. Sure, I could have wanted to have sex with them before the foreplay and co, but I'm not looking at the person, knowing them well or not, and be like “i’d tap that”. It doesn't change even after having a really special connection. I'm referring to an amazing guy I met and I REALLLLLY like him. He's so sweet and aaaa. Like he asked if he could kiss me before kissing me and it hit different. Like my heart. He's so sweet and respectful. We like the same things. He's attractive. He's funny. He makes me smile like an idiot when I think about him. It just confused me that I wanted to have sex with him despite not being aroused by him before the foreplay and shit. Idk how to explain it. I'm not secually attracted to him, but I want to do so and enjoy it. Idk if I'm making any sense but I hope I am TL;DR: I want to have sex with someone but I'm not sexually aroused by him before foreplay etc. Is this considered ace still or am I something else?
It might just be your style of arousal. I saw something recently about how there are different types of arousal - like some people can spontaneously become aroused, while others are more reactively aroused. Maybe you are just more reactive and it takes more warming up for you to get interested.
If we are using the widely understood and accepted definition of asexual, then no, wanting and enjoying sex would, by definition, make you a sexual being. the "a" in asexual is from Latin and means "without." So "asexual" means "without sex." Now... if you're using the evidence- and data- free crowdsourced definition promoted by a small but vocal crowd, then literally asexual can mean *anything* because they've so hijacked and corrupted the use of the word that it is essentially meaningless. But if we are relying on the definition that's been around for decades and is recognized by everyone credible, then no, enjoying sex would by definition make you sexual. (homo or hetero or bi, depending on the folks you're attracted to.)
Technically not, ace means little to no, so this person could very well be ace, or maybe cupio or something like that.
Again, it depends on whether we are using the actual definition used for decades, or the evidence-and-research free one promoted by a small-but-vocal contingent of people who, for all intents and purposes, just want to feel special by making up labels or redefining existing labels to ones that are so broad and undefinable as to be meaningless. And again, as I wrote above, the latin prefix "a" means "without." So "asexual" means "without sex." Someone who only likes having sex occasionally is a sexual person with a low sex drive. As for "cupio"... it is one of dozens of unrecognized labels that are evidence and research-free and thus, not a term accepted by much of anyone credible. The problem with the evidence-free crowd is they confuse mental health issues and the impact of trauma on sexual desire with hardwired sexual orientations. They are not even remotely similar things.
If you do the lewd and enjoy it, then you certainly aren't acting asexual. I personally rarely feel sexually attracted to people, though I do enjoy doing the lewd. It's just that I very rarely see a guy and feel this way. And even with sex I enjoy feeling close to someone more than I do the actual stimulation. I just don't experience attraction this way, you may just be the same. I can go on with my life with no sex for years, but I still enjoy it. If you were ace, you'd probably feel aversion towards having sex or at least wouldn't want to shag people. It's no big deal if you aren't ace, it's a label that's used to describe an experience. An experience that isn't yours, cause yours is simply elsewhere.
This is very true, and I'm a case in point. My libido is non-existent at the moment. Not because I'm asexual, but because I'm still processing grief, am still in a very stressful situation in terms of my coming out and, well, am some way from starting medical transition. My brain is simply saying 'I can't deal with sex' and has shut down that bodily function. I very much hope that once I have transitioned I will become a sexual being once again. Beth
Wouldn't want to shag people, yes. Someone who has a strong aversion to sex... that is a learned behavior, not hardwired, and thus a trauma rather than asexuality, which would be hardwired.
Hello there, fellow Ace speaking. You are still under the ace umbrella I guess. You might be considered gray-sexual though. Check it out if you want to.
Yet another evidence-free label conjured up by the research-and-evidence-free crowd. It attempts to create a nonexistent label for people who are sexually active and aroused, but have lower sex drive than some other people do. In other words, normal sexually active people who fit within the wide range of human expression and variation in sexual arousal and interest. You can either buy into this sort of malarkey, which has, literally, a hundred different evidence-free labels that are so variable in their definition that they can literally mean anything, or you can simply recognize that labels, if they are to have any meaning, have to be grounded in reproducibility, research, and consensus by professionals. Unfortunately, most of these unrecognized labels have absolutely no credible basis.
I agree with most of the other commenters that if you enjoy and seek out sex, even if infrequently, then by definition you are not asexual. I personally would not worry too much about the labels and just enjoy what you enjoy
