Just wanted to say hello. I am a divorced mum of 4, in the last two years I have told a few people that I am bisexual and that I like men and women in equal parts, although later on in my marriage thoughts of women occupied a lot of my time. I have been scared and worried the majority of my life should anyone find out. Teasing in early teen years shut the door on me doing anything about my attraction to anyone, and the door was locked when a gay man at the church I attended took his own life because he was struggling not to be gay. One week he was there, vibrant, laughing, the next gone. Instead of sadness all I heard was that he was going to hell. I immediately knew that what was said was utterly wrong, but I have been scared and anxious ever since, it also didn't help that my ex husband was homophobic. I have grown and learned over the years that those who say they want the best for you, really only want what is best for themselves. Anyway after all these years and still anxious, I broke down in tears watching the build up to Pride month this year. I sobbed and cried for myself and all those who are having a hard time whatever age. My children found me, hugged me and said it's not too late to live freely. So here I am anxiously writing this and just hoping to make friends and find support. I am not sure I am qualified to give advice, but I will share what I can.
My heart goes out to you. I admitted to myself later in life that I am bisexual, although I think I've known since a child but because of society would not allow this consciousness. I am middle aged and homophobia seemed even more pronounced when I grew up.
I have been married to a heterosexual man many years but only allowed myself to fully accept my sexuality in the past few. I have an adult son. One year ony birthday I attended my husband's uncle's funeral and it was a similar experience to yours with people saying he would go to hell. I did not get a chance to know him. He lived far away and I was newly in relationship with my husband. I thought what they were saying was awful and wrong. My adult son accepts my sexuality now.
I am glad that although you suffer, you and your children comfort yourself. I am glad you want to accept yourself and live freely. Welcome.
Redmelon.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message. .....David
Hi. I am also a mom, but of five. Sadly, I cannot give advice or anything close to it. And sadly, I also cannot say I know what you are going through. Although, I do have an understanding of how toxic people and religion can be. I ended up hiding, even from myself, my true sexuality and many of the hobbies that I enjoy today, like painting. But I can say that you have support from me and from here. With just a little I have read on other posts, the people here are friendly and very supportive.
Hi, I too am middle aged, and yes I alway knew that I was bisexual since childhood. I didn't know the word for it then, I just knew that I liked boys and girls. I understand what you mean about homophobia being more pronounced, there was a lot of it around me as I grew up, as well as a lot of toxic masculinity.
Like you I was also married to a heterosexual man for what seemed like a very long time. I'm glad your son accepts your sexuality.
I promised never to lie to them and always discuss any issues. This was an issue and it didn't phase them in the slightest. As to living freely...I am working on it.
My husband's uncle was a married gay man. He was a music instructor and sounded Sadly I know what you mean about toxic masculinity. True masculinity doesn't have to try to control the behavior of any people regardless of gender. It can be vulnerable and nurture.
Thank you, my son's acceptance helps. I feel like we may have had some similar experiences in our marriages and being bisexual. I hope you flourish.
Hi, I have read your post, and reply to my post, and though you say you cannot offer advice, I found your posts helpful and comforting, and I understand some of what you are going through. I was also made to feel like I had to date only boys, hiding my true sexuality from myself, feeling lost and not engaging in hobbies and things I liked to do. I am glad though, that you have the support of your husband and I get what you mean about finding it difficult to always be honest. I cannot say how it would be if you were to be honest about all things, because that was never an option for me when I was married and it still isn't now that I am divorced. But, reading around the site I can see people are helpful and supportive and you also have support from me.
I feel for you, I grew up a toxic family which I am not in contact with (their choice, not mine). I'm so glad your children love you unconditionally, and as they said, "it's not too late to live freely." Having a few quality friends also helps. My best wishes to you.
Thank you. And I am glad you found my posts helpful. The hardest part about being honest is seeing his depression when it's hard to be intimate with him. I have always struggled with touch and it seems to be a little worse now. I am glad to have him but it is a struggle. I do I hope you find someone close enough that you are able to be honest with even when it hurts. Everyone deserves someone to talk to and love.
Welcome to EC, @Redmelon. First of all, I'm so sorry your early experiences have caused you so much anxiety and difficulty in coming out and being yourself; I struggled with much the same growing up, to the point that I was incredibly effective at lying to myself about what I was feeling/experiencing. It's definitely not too late to be the complete version of yourself--or to at least be more complete (as I know we all have many different facets of ourselves to work through). Your kids sound exceptional, and I'm sure you'll find others (friends, family, etc.) who will truly want the best for you. I know how easy it is to doubt other's motives, especially when so many prove to be lacking in that regard. Keep your chin up, and when you're ready to tell us more about yourself and your journey, we'll be here.
