Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by bwayinabox, Dec 11, 2014.
Well I guess it's good that I'm honest with myself. I'm still so scared though.
But I never had problems with accepting my being gay. It's only recently that my doubts are starting to haunt me.
It's the same with me :/
being scared is a part of life. courage is moving forward anyway. I wish us both courage!
Hi, I'm new here and this will be just my second post. I'm in the same situation as you. Ever since realizing that I prefer guys over girls, I've been afraid of having straight feelings. I also have never been afraid of these feelings and gladly accepted them, unlike other gay people who would wish they were straight. It's like being the opposite of them and even I find it weird sometimes.
I still have some 'straight' feelings but I wish it would just dissolve. I want to be completely gay. But it's because I do not want to be bisexual. I already know I lean a lot more towards guys so being gay appeals more to me than being straight and I know I will be happier being gay instead of fighting it. Although I'm still a little confused because I haven't been in any relationships but I know that I do not want a relationship with a girl. Hopefully having a boyfriend is the solution for my confusion.
And this is a thing that gets me confused. What I hate is that I can get hard by seeing girls naked. Even if I do not prefer them and wouldn't actually intentionally search for naked pics of them. I do find girls beautiful but I'm not attracted to them anymore. I wouldn't even give a second glance to a girl even if she was 'hot'. I actually hate that I can still get turned on by them because I admit, girls were what I think about since 2nd grade until 2nd year college. I realized I was gay when I was in 3rd year and now I'm a 4th year college student. Maybe it was just because I used to like them and some feelings linger on. I want it to go away though.
I know I wasn't much help but I just want to let you know that I'm almost like you, with some little differences. And from what you've written, I will say that you are gay and not straight. If you really do not feel anything but platonic towards girls, then that just points to being gay. And I wish that I am the same. Just completely platonic to girls.
Why does the idea of being bisexual upset you?
Re: QuiteAlright's question
The fact that if I'm bi and likes both guys and girls, that if for example I am going out with a guy, that I will always wonder what it would be if I had chosen a girl and vice versa. Then I will never be satisfied. I don't want to be bi and always unsure of what I want. I mean yeah I know I like both, but which do I like more. That is why I am doing all I can to suppress any heterosexual feelings I may have. I am more homo than hetero and would want to be just gay.
It's hard to write why I don't want to be bi. In short, I just don't find it appealing. And being bi gets bashing from both gay and straight people. I know that bi people exist, and I'm a little scared of being in that stage where I thought I was bi again.
Hmm well some part of me is gay, after all I've been in love with a guy (and I still am). But as I said before, my OCD just doubts everything and I just get really confused.
yeah, this is all pretty confusing, isn't it? We don't get the instant answers that we would like. But just don't let it get in the way of living, and ENJOYING, life! :eusa_danc
Knowing that others go through the same thing is really comforting I'm starting to feel more confident with myself being gay - perhaps even more that before this ocd came in. I hope it stays loving a guy with everything I have is a real good indicator that I'm definitely at least bisexual. And since my fears have died down a bit, I find myself to be lovin him even more! It mustean something
yup! not only is it a good indicator, it is good!!! life at its best :icon_bigg
Do you mean that your sense of 'YOU' as a person is so tied in with *you = gay* that if you did find yourself attracted to a woman you wouldn't know who you were anymore? Sounds that way to me... These days it's so much easier (on the whole, in most places) to be 'out' than it was a generation ago, that there must be almost a sense of comedown if it's accepted without a ripple- despite being what's been worked for for years by the gay movement- maybe being gay makes you feel more unique and you feel that you'd lose that if you weren't? Can't possibly guess how you really feel inside... from what you describe, you sound like you're really gay- but maybe you're 'straight curious' ;-) why not try it and see... I think good sex depends on the partner more than the gender, but hey- I'm pan/ bi so I suppose I would! good luck..:smilewave
Maybe it makes me feel more unique. I'm not really sure where this confusion comes from.
Re: QuiteAlright's question
Look, I get it if that's your own personal concern, like if you don't think you could deal with that for whatever reason, but for 99% of bisexual people that will never be a problem. "Wondering what could have been" is not a specifically bisexual trait. A gay guy can wonder what it would have been like to date Man A over Man B, or an Asian man over a Black man or a White man, or a Tall man over a Short man or a Brunette over a Blonde etc etc etc until the cows come home. "Bisexual" does not mean "requires threesomes to keep you happy", it means "if I'm with a woman, I'm enjoying myself and feel comfortable. But if I'm with a man, I'm also enjoying myself and feel comfortable." It doesn't mean being unsatisfied with whatever you currently have, it means being satisfied no matter what gender you end up with. You know?
You shouldn't "suppress" a part of yourself just because you don't like the label. If you're bisexual, you're bisexual. Denying it isn't going to make it less true, just like a gay guy pretending to be straight isn't going to magically turn straight one day. You shouldn't try to pray-the-bisexual-away.
And for all you're scared of bi-bashing, you're doing a bit of it yourself with the whole "a bisexual person cannot enjoy a monogamous relationship" thing. That's kind of super offensive, even if you don't mean it that way.
Your fears about what it means to be bisexual; are they coming true NOW? Are you, right now, unable to love anyone because OH MY GOD WHAT IF THEY WERE A WOMAN? No? Then that will continue, because you're either bisexual or you aren't, and either way admitting it won't turn you super-bisexual and create all your fears. You are what you are and will continue to be what you are whether or not you accept certain labels.
Sorry to OP for hijacking this thread, I'm touchy about this.
Honestly that's part of why I like the idea of being gay too. It sounds terrible and shallow to say, but it's true.
for me, quite seriously, it's because I like to have sex with my own gender. I denied that I was gay for so long, but couldn't deny that I wanted to have sex with men. so what was goig on in my head didn't really matter. my body had the answers, not my brain. I had to learn to listen to my body, and shut up the brain.:eusa_doh:
My confusion just comes back again and again. Do I really want to be gay? Am I pretending? My doubts recur every few days. Usually I feel sure and secure for a few days and then the fears come back. I know I'm definitely at least bisexual (I think). I'm sure of one things - I have had crushes for boys before, as well as loving one deeply as well. I don't even know if I've had crushes on girls. Was I just pushing them away? I don't even know if I want to be gay anymore. It seems like there is no reason to desire being gay. Maybe I'm straight. The thing I am most afraid to be is straight (or is that all pretense as well). I wish I were gay or at least bisexual.
Usually I go a while knowing for sure that I'm gay, but on busy or stressed days, my mind will then ponder on my being gay or not. All that I've described before comes back. I even doubt if I love the guy I currently love. If only I could say that I was gay and that was it.
Same with me. I often question if I'm truly gay when I see an attractive guy. It's so annoying. I sometimes try to fantasize about those guys, but I can never finish off unless I think of girls.
I used to want to be gay because I wanted to feel like I belonged to something special (in this case the gay/lesbian community) and I did question it, but as time went on I realized that I was attracted to guys whether I liked it or not. That is simply not something I can change. So maybe some of you are in the same situation I was in. I just want to tell you that it's important to be open to whatever attraction you might have for people regardless of sex or gender or what sexuality you want to be. Be honest with yourself even if it's difficult. If you're completely open to that you will know for sure what your sexuality is.
I hope I don't confuse you even further by saying this but it's what helped me realize who I am and it might help you as well.