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Am I lying to myself

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by BareBottomBiker, Sep 15, 2022.

  1. BareBottomBiker

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    I’m bisexual preferring women, but everyone once in a while I want a dick, I’ve only been with two men in the last 5 years so not very often, my long term female partner found old sent emails about setting up those hookups so she knows and doesn’t care. So question am I “in the closet” for not mentioning a very rare sexual encounter to others not involved in my sexual life? It might help to include I don’t find most men attractive I’m just attracted to dick, I’ve never had a relationship with a man and never think I would thanks in advance
     
  2. Aspen

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    You're in the closet if you're not out about your sexuality, but you're not obligated to share your sexual orientation or previous relationships with anyone else if you don't want to. Unless it affects them in some way, it really isn't their business.
     
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  3. quebec

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    BareBottomBiker.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) :old_big_grin: when that becomes necessary!

    *****I'm not sure that it makes much difference if your partner knows and doesn't care. Being "Out of the Closet" is a state of mind. For most people it becomes an action that indicates a willingness to publicly accept their sexuality. But some people see it differently. I have a friend who says that he has never "come out of the closet" because he was never in the closet. He has been aware of being gay from his earliest memories and his parents accepted his sexuality and loved him for who he was. He has his own very successful business and everyone who deals with him knows he is gay. He's not flamboyant, he is just a normal gay guy (whatever that is :old_smile: )! Of course he is the exception as the vast majority of us have to make the decision that we will be willing to let others know that we are gay. So are you still in the closet because you haven't told others about part of your sex life? I think it's your call...I think how much you share and who you share with is totally up to you. If you choose to tell others that you're Bi that's your choice and you can call it coming out if you wish.

    *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: :old_cool:

    *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership.

    *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! :old_rolleyes: If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message.

    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #3 quebec, Sep 16, 2022
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2022
  4. BiGemini87

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    It sounds to me like you're still grappling with how to feel about your same-sex attraction. Even if you're more selective regarding men, that doesn't negate bisexuality as a possibility. As long as the desire for both persists, then bisexual fits; even if you're drawn to one far more than the other.

    Early on in my coming out journey (both before I came out to myself and for a while after), I couldn't imagine actual intimacy with another woman. I used to shy away from the very notion and feel disgusted with myself (some for the attraction, some because of self-esteem issues). As I've become more accepting of this side of myself, not only do I have an easier time imagining it, I find the desire is stronger.

    I wonder if perhaps you're still going through the early part of your journey, regardless of the fact that you've accepted the label bisexual years beforehand. Maybe you haven't had enough time to really process your feelings on the matter, or maybe something in the past is blocking your progress?

    It's just something to think about. I hope this helps. :slight_smile:
     
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  5. Nameerf76

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    I think it's important to remember you don't HAVE to come out - at all - ever if you don't want to and it doesn't cause you problems keeping things to yourself. I mean no one else has a RIGHT to know!
    You only need to come out if and when YOU need to - when you feel like you'd be happier, more comfortable OUT than IN - and whether you define yourself as being in the closet or just keeping some private events to yourself is up to you also.
    A lot of men have sex with other men but consider themselves to be "straight" - so you can really define yourself any way you like!
    It definitely helps to talk to others and get different perspectives so you're in the right place!
     
  6. Jakebusman

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    How you been doing ?
     
  7. PJ208

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    No rules saying you have to be "out" as bisexual. You might even just be straight and need the occasional "kink" of same sex encounters. It doesn't even really mean you are bi. I used to think I could never have a same sex "relationship" too but found later that I was just suppressing how I really felt and how society was allowing me to behave. I also made sure I never gave myself a chance to experience it by only 'hooking' up mainly with people that there would never be a risk of falling in love with.