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Am I convincing myself I love him?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by bwayinabox, Dec 10, 2014.

  1. bwayinabox

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    So there's this guy I know I loved before, but I'm starting to get scared that I don't love him anymore, that I'm simply convincing myself. Any help?
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    Can you tell us more about your concerns? What is making you think you don't love him anymore?
     
  3. QueerQueen

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    Honestly sometimes things fade, and it sucks but it happens, you are the only person who can really answer your question. Are you guys going through anything like a rough patch? Maybe those things can make you question it. Don't worry too much if you think your feelings are going away for this person, sometimes they can come back.. maybe you guys should try something new or go out on a fun little date together. Hope you figure things out :slight_smile:
     
  4. bwayinabox

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    I really have no idea where these concerns come from. Maybe it's part of my anxiety. It's usually in the morning where I get these concerns. And when I see him at school, I get some kind of 'confirmation' in my brain and heart that I do love him. It's funny.
     
  5. bwayinabox

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    Also, I tend to laps between periods of questioning and periods of "Yes I do love him"
     
  6. Erick

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    You have to think of this before you say or think you love him:

    Is he the person you think about the most?
    Is he the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
    Do you try to look at your best just to impress him?
    How do you feel around him, do you smile when you guys talk?
    Are you nervous around him?

    Basically when you answer those questions you will realize whether you have a true deep connection with this person or whether you think you are in love when you're really not, but we are all hoping you love him - because we want you to be happy!

    Best of luck :slight_smile:
     
  7. bwayinabox

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    Well it's a yes to all of those questions, though am I just forcing myself to say yes? Am I forcing myself to feel this way? I would give anything for him and I really do care a lot about him, but am I forcing it?
     
    #7 bwayinabox, Dec 10, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2014
  8. bounced

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    I think your feelings can go through periods on 'autopilot' sometimes and then all of a sudden come crashing back and you no longer have control over them again. I am in love with one of my mates and I thought I was getting over him. I was actually happy about this because it was causing me great heartache but over the past few weeks my feelings for him came rushing back with a vengeance and they burn with more intensity than ever before...

    My advice is to give it a bit of time, you will soon realise if all the little things he says and does reaffirm your love. If after 6 months you don't get knocked off your feet by the way he smiles, laughs, the jokes he tells and the way he looks at you then you most likely know the answer to your question. I didn't know there could be such varying degrees of love until I met this guy... the feeling is so special yet also so devastating at the same time, because he doesn't feel the same about me.
     
  9. bwayinabox

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    he's pretty to similar your friend, in the way that he doesn't care for me at all. He knows that I love him and he was very mature about it, hugging me and telling me to find a guy who fits all my wishes and be happy with him because life is too short to let anyone get your down. Idk I know that I love him very deeply, but sometimes I just think I'm pretending. And the day I fell was just over years ago.
     
  10. bwayinabox

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    I'm just so paranoid about whether I still love him or not. I'd give anything to love him, because I loved him. He's the one I want to be with. He's everything to me. He's in my mind 24/7. He's the one I care about the most. He's the one who can sweep me off my feet. He's the one I would always forgive. And he's the one that makes me smile. But sometimes something in me just says "You're just pretending that you're in love and tbh you're not." and that absolutely crushes me because I WANT to love him.
     
  11. bwayinabox

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    I'm getting really anxious about this. Does anyone else have any tips?
     
  12. mbanema

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    I'm really not a good person to give advice on this, but it's always been my assumption that butterflies and those feelings of nervous excitement will fade after a while and what you're left with is either love or emptiness.

    If the things you said here are true, then I don't think you have much to worry about. I think it's normal to have a bit of insecurity, especially if you're new to this, but to me it sounds like you're more worried that you do love him than that you don't. Is it possible that things are moving quicker than you anticipated and that everything is becoming more "real" than you expected and you're subconsciously looking for an excuse to escape to the more familiar safety of being single? No idea if that's what's really happening, just throwing that out there to think about.
     
  13. Snever2late

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    Why do you want to love someone who doesn't love you back? I don't mean for that to sound insensitive, because I might as well be asking myself the same thing. I think that sometimes love can start to fade because it needs to be nurtured and have something to feed off of. It's okay that you loved him, and it's okay that you don't love him in the same way anymore. It doesn't mean you don't care at all for him. I think sometimes love doesn't go away, it just changes. You deserve to have someone feel that way about you too. It seems as if he is not the person to do that, so you should give yourself permission to feel any way you want to, but don't be so focused on loving someone who can't love you in return that you miss out on other things.(*hug*)
     
  14. bwayinabox

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    Hmm the thing that really scares me is the thing in my head telling me that everything that I thought was true was a lie.
    My mind will say "Does he really sweep you off your feet?" "Does he really make you smile?" "Do you really care about him?" "Do you actually think of him 24/7?"
    I know that all this was true for about a year (was it really?), and it was just until the past 3 weeks or so that these doubts have been cropping up.
     
    #14 bwayinabox, Dec 13, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2014
  15. Snever2late

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    It wasn't a lie. If you felt those things, it was real to you then. Looking back is different. If you don't feel them now, you may wonder how or why you felt them to begin with. It probably just means that you're moving on. It doesn't make what you felt any less valid though. Just because they were once true does not mean that they can't fade or be different now.
     
  16. bwayinabox

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    The thing is my mind doesn't even know if I felt those things back then. Were the feelings true?
     
  17. bwayinabox

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    Well, whenever I see him/talk to him I feel that familiar warmth creeping in. Does that mean I still love him? And on some days, everything comes rushing back. I used to be so sure I loved him. What happened?
     
  18. bwayinabox

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    Sometimes the feelings are there and sometimes they aren't. It's so confusing. And I actually WANT to love him, because I know I did before.
     
  19. OnTheHighway

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    Based on all your posts, and where you say he does not love you back, sounds like your being a bit obsessive and need to move on from loving him. Why love someone whom has no intention of loving you back? What's the point of that? You would be better of using your energy to find someone who really loves you.
     
  20. bwayinabox

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    So here's a little update.

    I've been starting to feel like he is 'something of the past' in a way. I feel this huge distance between us and I'm starting to forget how I felt about him. I'm also starting to wonder if I ever loved him. This really scares me for some reason.
     
    #20 bwayinabox, Jan 27, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2015