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Am I bisexual or not?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Maverick 007, Aug 31, 2021.

  1. Nobu

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    I totally understand what you’re saying. Admittedly, I much prefer men romantically as well. I’m not sure if it’s like, internalized sexism (the relationship dynamics with women usually make me feel obligated to do things for them, read their minds, play games etc. - things people make stereotypes about, but maybe it’s just my own experiences and I haven’t met the right girl) or if I just straight up don’t like women romantically. Either way, guys just feel much easier to be with to me.

    However attraction wise, I experience the “Bi-cycle” where sometimes I get that natural electric feeling from men and sometimes from women. It’s a pain as they are never concurrent - I’ve had to fantasize about women while with men and men while with women before.

    In my case I choose to identify as bisexual homoromantic these days, or just gay if I don’t want to have a long detailed conversation with certain people. It kind of took me dipping my toes into men for awhile though for me to realize how much I liked women. Luckily my first guy was super chill.
     
  2. Nobu

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    Also just want to reiterate date means date, absolutely don’t get physical if you don’t want to, lol
     
  3. Maverick 007

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    In regards to your bi-cycle, that definitely sounds taxing and rewarding at the same time lol. Taxing because of the inconsistent nature of the process but rewarding because just like most things have a season, so does your attraction scale.

    The fantasizing is interesting. No matter who you are with there seems to be a desire for the other: that's a tricky position to be in.

    I wonder if majority of bisexual males prefer to be with guys and bisexual females prefer to be with women, or if its a tossup.

    Thanks for the clarification on the dating thing. My mind automatically started visualizing a lot of contact *wink wink*
     
  4. Chip

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    From what I'm reading in this thread, I'll first issue the disclaimer: no one but you knows what you are feeling. With that said, your comments in this thread would appear, as Patrick and others suggest, to point more to someone who has had attraction to guys for decades, but received powerful anti-gay messages very early, which likely pushed down the honest feeilngs.

    Now... whether this means you're gay or somewhere on the spectrum between bi and gay remains to be seen. It is very common that as one starts to accept that possibility, the feelings can open up and, while they may start fairly subtle, can open to a torrent pretty quickly. This is especially true in cases where we can pinpoint something that suppressed the feelings early in life.

    The key here is to recognize it for what it is: something that's hardwired and isn't going to change by any act you take or don't take. So perhaps the best way forward is to simply explore it. Think about yourself as bi one day, and as gay the next. Masturbate thinking about guys in one session, and girls in the next (without porn.) See what those exercises tell you. Usually one can get a pretty clear picture pretty quickly and know whether the opposite-sex attraction is real or simply a social construct because that's what you're "supposed to do."

    This can be a lot to take in, and can stir up some pretty uncomfortable feelings. But again, none of that changes what is, just your awareness of it.
     
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  5. mobius5

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    Your story is similar to mine except that I definitely still have a strong attraction and desire for girls and get along with them. In fact some days I have this weird feeling where I can't decide which I'd want first/more; I want both. :grin:

    But I too had a very sudden and powerful realization that basically forced me to admit it to myself. I couldn't be in denial or ignorance anymore. But it was so sudden it was just shocking and jarring.

    I most certainly experienced this; holy crap. I almost had a nervous breakdown my sudden overload of emotions were so intense. I felt like as Maverick said 'as if a dam broke and now things are flooding out like a horny teenager'. It wasn't pretty actually...
     
  6. Maverick 007

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    Chip thank you for that. Regarding what you said about masturbation, i should confess... I have masturbated to certain guys before. When i was masturbating regularly (no toys) I would be the giver. And when I was using prostate toys or dildos i was the receiver. Both was unbelievable experiences in different ways but i remember a bit of shame after the act and not thinking about it for months on end.
     
  7. Maverick 007

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    What was your sudden and powerful realization Mobius?
    How long were you in denial for?
    Does it get easier?
     
  8. mobius5

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    I developed a crush on a guy. A very powerful one based on personality alone but as soon as it happened it unlocked something in me and I immediately started fantasizing about gay sex and stuff... I couldn't actually get together with this guy in reality either btw, so that made it even more frustrating.

    Well I'm 31 and this happened this year, so all my life, ~10 years of my adult life. But from my perspective I wouldn't say I was "in denial" as much as "blissfully ignorant" because consciously it was so deep I could've taken a lie detector test and if asked 'are you gay?', 'have you ever fantasized about men'? etc. I would've answered honestly no to all and the above, up until several months ago I haven't ever had any obvious attraction or fantasies about men at all. I never wanted to put anything into my ass (and still kind of don't honestly... that is one aspect of being gay I am not excited about at all.)

    I wish I could answer the last question. This only began a few months ago so it's too soon. I mean, right now things are easier than at first. For a week or two I felt like I was barely maintaining sanity. I've mostly recovered from *that*. But the rest of it; actually dating a guy/coming out; no idea. Haven't begun to do any of those things yet.

    btw; in regard to some other above comments; I'm pretty sure feeling shame before during or after anything sexual is totally normal (for better or worse) because of our society. I've always been ashamed of even 'regular' hetero sex.
     
  9. Maverick 007

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    Regarding the lie detector test line, i think i would fall into that category too. I was confident for so long that I "liked only girls" but I would feel a little weird as i said it.

    Yes I think the "coming out process" (assuming that's what is happening to me. I'm still pondering on things) needs to be taken at our own pace. You may not be into things up your butt lol, you may be the "top energy" type.