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Am I bi? Pan? Demi?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Taavi, May 28, 2024.

  1. Taavi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2024
    Messages:
    2
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    1
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male (cis)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    People keep telling me it doesn't matter but I don't like not understanding something and I think I really would feel better if I had a word for what I'm experiencing.

    I'm a cis guy who up until very recently thought he was straight. I was never attracted sexually or romantically to a guy. The girls I was into were all conventionally feminine. I have at a point wondered if I might be somewhere on the very edge of the ace spectrum (like demi or grey or something) because I have noticed one several occasions that my sex drive isn't that high and that I often like the idea of having sex more than the actual act. Don't get me wrong, I like sex, but I rarely think it's better than masturbation.
    And now I'm into a guy. Emphasise on "a". One. Singular. I'm not into men in general, I still don't find them sexually appealing. But I'm very into this one specific guy.
    I did not fall in love with him and then developed a sexual attraction to him. I think that would make more sense to me. Instead we joked around and it turned sexual and I let it happen out of curiosity. And then over the course of the following weeks I became massively sexually attracted to this guy and I'm by now not sure if I'm not also developing romantic feelings for him.
    What I've also noticed is that in this "relationship" I play a more passive part which is different to my past relationships with women. I have no interest in being the active part and am glad he's mostly a top, so me bottoming works out.
    I'm mostly confused about the fact that I suddenly developed this intense sexual attraction to a guy without having ever been attracted to one before and also still not finding men generally sexually attractive.
    Could it be that I'm demi or something like that? Maybe I'm technically open to anything but never noticed because I'm only attracted to people under very specific circumstances and it just so happened that none of them was a guy before?
     
    Right Field 6 likes this.
  2. JT1999

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2015
    Messages:
    818
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    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I have no answers for you but I went through similar when I was 16. Had no interest in women sexually, but drunkenly shared a bed with a friend, things got sexual, I enjoyed it and it happened more times. I didn't really understand it either, I would have said I was straight at that point, and even now nearly 10 years later although I would classify myself as bisexual, I still consider myself to have been straight until something changed.

    My theory, and I'm not trying to say this is scientific fact, but it is how I have come to understand what happened to me, is that for whatever reason, whether its curiousity, drunk, guards down or something else, we go through with something that a straight person usually wouldn't do. We enjoy it. That in itself is a reason to do it again, and so we do it more times. The act of engaging in and enjoying same-sex sex alters what we find attractive?
     
    Right Field 6 and Ipswichfan like this.