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Accepting being gay, again, maybe

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ml3000, Jun 5, 2021.

  1. ml3000

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    I had previously wrote on here and had at that point accepting it's likely I was gay.
    Since then I again rejected these feelings, ignored them and pursued relations with women, which I do genuinely enjoy and it does make me happy.

    However I keep coming back to these feelings. Recently I have been reading gay erotica/ porn and fantasising about men almost exclusively. When I masturbate without porn I think of past encounters with men, and it feels right deep down.
    When I'm in this state of mind being gay feels so right and causes strong feelings of sexual arousal I don't normally experience.

    But at other times heterosexual sex makes me happy but maybe doesn't cause the same feelings. I can't figure out if I'm just in denial and forcing myself or whether I do really enjoy both and I'm bi. It's like I lock up the gay side and it comes out from time to time, very strongly.

    I suppose I'd like to know from what I've said what does it sound like from an outside perspective and how will I ever figure it out
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    This sounds (to me) like bisexuality. You seem to enjoy relationships with the opposite sex, but you clearly have strong feelings for the same sex too and remember past encounters with men that "feel right deep down." It's possible you may have stronger feelings for men right now, but there doesn't seem to be enough clarity to these feelings to suggest you are gay.

    Nobody can choose a label for you, but if you want an outside perspective I would suggest bisexuality is the best fit. How would you feel about that?
     
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  3. LilLady9

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    I agree with, @PatrickUK. It sounds to me like you might be bisexual. But, as he also said, no one can choose a label for you and it's up to you to determine your sexual orientation. As a bisexual myself, feel free to ask me any questions! :slight_smile:
     
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  4. ml3000

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    Yeah I suppose bisexual fits. Yeah I do enjoy relationships with the opposite sex and maybe over the past year or so same sex thoughts have invaded my mind only a few times. I have been happy over the past year but maybe I've just become so good and repressing the gay side for 15 years I've basically ignored it I'm not sure if I'm sub consciously repressing those feelings, or it is just something that comes and goes.

    I just feel like after a certain amount of time I can no longer ignore it and I need cock, whether that be just fantasising/ porn etc or real life. I guess I wonder if I was with a guy or pre-op trans woman, would I miss pussy after a period of time - this is a source of doubts. Unfortunately there is no easy answer to this.

    I maybe feel like im bargaining because I want to be 'normal' and bisexual suits better I'm not sure.

    @BiBoyToy Do you find that your have periods where you are attracted to one gender then back to the other? And do you have a preference, because I always have stronger orgasms and erections from gay porn - does this change for you? That has also made me wonder about my sexuality. Also being bisexual, is one relationship ever enough because you desire both sexes?
     
  5. sojabohnenfeld

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    Being gay or bisexual is more than just porn. Maybe you could reflect on your childhood? I would suggest to you to stop thinking of being lgbtq so negatively however I understand where you are coming from as it is difficult to be "abnormal" . Maybe this helps
     
  6. SteveBi45

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    I must admit, I’m really not turned on by gay porn at all. I don’t have any connection with the guys in the videos, and connection is important for me.

    Then again, hetero porn doesn’t do much for me either.

    I use fantasies a lot and I also picture guys I actually know and am attracted to when I masturbate.

    I’ve always had more of an attraction to women, but the past couple of years it’s men I think about when I’m masturbating.
     
  7. LilLady9

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    I relate to this very much. Like you, I'm also not really turned on by gay porn. I have to fantasize about guys to get turned on. I'm not exactly sure why though. It seems like you have it figured out for yourself.


    See, the weird thing is that straight and lesbian porn does turn me on, like a lot... Lesbian porn for sure more though. Even just girls going solo.

    It's probably somewhere around 50/50 for me.
     
  8. LilLady9

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    Yes, but not much as I used to. My attraction to men and my attraction to women seems to be pretty consistent. However, when I first accepted and embraced my bisexuality, I went through a period were I seemed to be far more attracted to men than women. Thinking about them more, fantasizing about them more, focusing on them more in porn, etc. It seems to have balanced out since then though. After coming to a good understanding of my sexuality, I know I'm far more attracted to women, but my attraction to men is still there.

    Keep in mind it's not a 50/50 type of thing. If someone is 80% attracted to women and 20% attracted to men, they are still bisexual.


    Yes, I prefer women but still do love men very much. I would say I'm 80% into women and 20% into men. Another way I like to look at it is that I'm 100% straight and 60% gay.

    When I first started watching gay porn, I would also have stronger orgasms and erections. I think that was largely due to the fact it was something new and I had just started to accept my bisexuality. The erections and orgasms I get from lesbian porn, gay porn, straight porn and solos seems to have leveled out.

    I think this is different for every bisexual but as for me, yes, one relationship at a time is enough. Although, I'm not sure I'll remain in one relationship the rest of my life. If one relationship isn't enough for someone, they can also consider polygamy.
     
    #8 LilLady9, Jun 8, 2021
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2021
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  9. JTT23

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    It sounds like you are experiencing a “bi-cycle”, it’s very frustrating for bisexual men. And I’ve experienced it as well. Eventually you just have to accept that this cycle exists and there is nothing wrong with it.
     
  10. JTT23

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    Two things that may help you clarify your sexual desire.

    Are you aroused by “eating out” a woman? I identify as bi, and also have stronger sexual reactions to gay experiences and exposures, but I absolutely crave going down on women. Thinking about this sexual act produces emotions and erections similar to those experienced through gay thoughts.

    I rationalize that if I were purely gay, this desire would not exist, and if I lived my life as a gay man it is one thing that I would struggle without.

    A lot of bisexual men are heteromantic, there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing that dictates bisexual men have to find emotional romantic relationships with men and women.

    The “bi-cycle” is unique for everyone, but for me personally, as I’ve aged (39m) and I’ve accepted these sexual feelings, I’ve noticed a shortening of the cycle.

    When I was much younger the cycle would probably take 4-6 months between weekend or night time exploration. I would complete my experience (usually masturbation, and talking to other men online) and then I would repress the feelings and move on with life.

    As I got older the time between these “episodes” has shortened drastically to the point where it’s 3-4 days
     
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  11. ml3000

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    Yes I am aroused by eating women out and fingering her I love to see how much pleasure I give her. I get off on the pleasure I give her to the point I can almost orgasm in some odd symbiotic experience. I like getting head from guys, a bj is a bj in my eyes I’m quite open in that respect. I just feel the only thing that’s missing is sometimes I crave giving head, ideally to a trans woman, but also enjoy giving to men in the past. I don’t really want a relationship with a man it’s just the giving head thing which I want. It’s hard to have it all I suppose. Maybe I’m just greedy lol