What are you thinking?

How are your calves?

 

Just when I think I have everything, there’s something else I need.

 

Ugh I have a painful hang nail. Not looking forward typing all day tomorrow.

 

I have been asking myself that question lately. Honestly I think it was the lack of sunlight getting me down. I was out in the sun yesterday and now I feel a lot better. Funny how much difference that can make.

Oof yeah I've been there (where the feeling wasn't mutual). I had a best friend who is a lesbian and she admitted that she'd had a crush on me for a year and there were days where she'd ask our mutual friend how to talk to me. I was completely oblivious to this gay panic that was apparently incredibly obvious to everyone else in our friend group.

Frankly if someone doesn't outright tell me then I won't have the faintest clue someone is crushing on me.

Most of my friends are either straight guys or bisexual / gay women. I know a gay guy in our group who wishes there were more gay men in the group - I wish I knew gay guys to introduce him to, he seems to have the worst luck with guys.

 

For most part ot was ok, was complaining the following day. Was in the mountains... was more bitching about getting lost than anything else

 

Why to you and the one you replied to?

 

Oh I just need to get paid. Then I’ll be able to catch up. It’s just the waiting.

 

I am weirdly happy today for no reason. Huh. Unexpected.

 

I'm weirdly happy that you're weirdly happy.

 

Do you ever just relate to what a character is going through so much that it feels like someone's stood there with a mirror saying 'Is this you?'

Where it's painful but it's a good kind of pain because you feel seen and recognised.

If so, same.

 

Sometimes I wish my daydreams were a book because I want to know more but I don’t want to have to think it. I’ve had daydreams involving characters from books I like by adding myself to their stories but it’s a lot of brainpower.

 

I've decided that my new goal is to kiss someone before I turn 25. 24 is too close to be achievable, so 25 it is. I know your first kiss isn't a big deal, but dammit I feel like I'm missing out! Certainly I don't want my only experience to be the gay guy I pretended to date in high school (and even then we only kissed on the cheek lol).

 

At 26 I still have never kissed anyone. I want to but I’ve waited so long I feel like I won’t be good at it and I’ve built up so much anxiety around it I’m afraid I won’t be able to.

 

(For some context I have borderline personality disorder) I am trying really hard not to do something very impulsive but every time I calm myself down by using skills I have learnt in DBT (a type of therapy used for BPD) I just find myself triggered again shortly after. Ugh. Why am I like this? I have a lot to look forward to over the next week, particularly next Saturday so I am just going to focus on that.

 

Samee. Had to Google how to open a can without a can opener the other day aha

 

Not dealing well with someone I have feelings for. They don't see me the same way and that's fine but I wish I could be friends because I like them as a person. It seems like everything I want from life is always out of reach and nothing else I try to do can fill the void. I'm happiest when I'm at work because I don't have time to think and that's not a good sign at all

 

I can certainly understand that anxiety. Still, I hope it doesn't stop either of us. Besides, even if you aren't good at it at first, it's something you can improve. Not that I would know much about that, but hey that's what I tell myself. Wouldn't be the end of the world.

 

Thank you that’s very kind. I hope we both do.