mabye bi

It is a challenge to figure out where you fit in and a bit daunting as well. Being bi , getting to a point where you can acknowledge and then being comfortable does take figuring out, for some of us it took quit a bit of time. I think you will find that there some like minded peeps here that will give you great advice. I found that having a safe space where you can explore these feelings and where you can discuss them without any judgement makes the worlds difference.

 

Hey Amy,

As said above it can be challenge to figure out where you fit in and it can be scary! I think what you are saying about speaking to your friends is a good idea if you think they will be supportive which it definitely sounds as if they are! They might be able to help you on your journey of discovering your identity; If you are worried you could write them a letter? You should do whatever is best for you though! I am not bi myself but there are many people on this website who are and are very kind! I would also love to help you in any way I can if you would like that- even if it’s just by listening or just having a general chat! But I just want to say that it’s a big thing to reach out and I am proud of you. You deserve to be your true self and be happy!

 

I think Bi is difficult.. not in the label as such , but in the concept.. I identify as Bi, that's how I feel, and that's with what I am comfortable with. If you talk to other people you will find a lot of odd questions.. things that you did not think about when you started contemplating your preferences.

A suggestion would be, and maybe use info get from EC, there is a lot of sharing, and think many would be happy to add a bit if asked.

Start a list of questions you may be faced with.. one would be " You like guys, then you must be gay" .. .just an example.. people get confused and don't understand what you mean, and many times there minds go in the wrong direction. They need to see where you are from your perspective and answering their questions with certainty and confidence shows that you are serious, passionate and know how you feel.
I normally find a tendency of acceptance and understanding in most situations where I use this tactic.

Ask your questions.. assess the answers .. and find the best ones that work for you and with which you are comfortable with. Just a starting point I can suggest, it may even shed some light on your own feelings.

 

Questions you may be faced with and what you feel comfortable answering when the situation presents it self.

Like for instance, just some random ones, and probably not applicable .. Are you more attracted to men or woman? .. do you mean that you can be with anyone? You understand where I am going with this.. a lot of people don't understand that there's more to it. In main stream opinion there is no middle ground.. and it takes some effort to change their minds. When I came out, that was the tricky bit..

It does however seem to me that you may even have some questions of your own.. and asking them is a starting point.

Don't know if others want to chime in here on what questions you have been asked?

 

Hello, @amy6635678. I've been where you are, and you're right: it can be incredibly daunting, trying to figure out who you are, what you're feeling, etc. It can be even more so when you come up against physical or mental obstacles.

Whenever you're ready, please feel free to tell us a bit more about your situation and why you think you might be bisexual. Likewise, don't be afraid to reach out to myself or any other EC staff members. We're here to help.

 

Hi Amy, I really want to thank you for post. It takes real courage to put yourself out there and begin asking the questions. I’m realizing that if you don’t ask and learn, then fear runs your life. As we both know that doesn’t really work. Great advice from the others who have responded. They’ve all been here longer than I have. I believe it shows you’re courageous by putting yourself on this forum and if you stay it help you find the answers you’re seeking. If I can hep in any way please let me know. Take good care.

 

I spend a lot of time in my own head about a great many things. People close to me tell me I am very introspective. When I was faced with this question about myself I had to do a lot of soul searching. Which is I think where you are now.

One of the things I began to do was eliminate all outside sources of "noise." That would be the society I lived in, the people close to me, population at large, built in perceptions and stereotypes. Almost like erasing the mind of what could be considered influencing my thoughts. This helped eliminate things like compulsory heterosexuality, heteronormative expectations, the desires and dreams of those close to me that I care for, maybe even my own desire to have biological children, or simply to have "an easier life." This occurred over time not in one session, but it starts somewhere.

Once I gained an ability to be clear headed about who I was apart from everyone and everything else, it became very obvious that I was sexually and romantically attracted to women as well as men. Later it became clear to me that this also can include trans men and women. One question I asked myself was; "Can I fall in love with a woman, or is it just physical attraction or curiosity over what sex would be like with one?"

Not everyone is the same. I also happen to be the type whose emotional feelings are not driven and controlled by physical attraction. This added a new and different layer to who I was in terms of labels. I find that many are confused because they do not feel arousal towards certain sexes, but do catch feelings for them, or the other way around. sexual desire towards women but no ability to love them romantically. This is all up to you to figure out, but we can help, and those close to you personally may be able to help because they have observed you in person and might have more insight than you expect. Just make sure that these opinions and insights are viewed by you as "informational" and not "influential." What I mean is that you also should take into consideration the persons who is offering the opinions personal bias about how they want you to be.

I know this was long, sorry. I hope it helps a little bit.

 

Hey welcome to EC. Figuring out your sexuality can be a stressful and confusing thing but you will get there.
What is it that made you first question your sexuality? If you feel ok to talk about it.

 

Nobody but you can ever truly know who you are attracted to but from what you have written it definitely sounds like there is some attraction there. I can understand your apprehension towards telling people but there is no reason that they shouldn’t believe you, if a girl had never dated a guy but said there was one she liked, nobody would disbelieve her. It sounds like your sub conscious mind just being protective and making you doubt yourself. We have definitely all been there.
As for dating a girl there are lots of different ways to go about it, it depends what feels best to you and perhaps how old you are (not that you have to say on here). Sometimes a first step can be finding an LGBT group where you can meet other people, this can help to feel more comfortable and also potentially find someone to date.

 

A dating app could work if you aren't overly concerned with it becoming public knowledge. Some dating apps have settings that filter out the opposite sex completely and make your profile invisible to everyone except women seeking women. This would help if you want to remain discrete. It's also a good way to explore your feeling a bit more. Also the first step that silverhalo mentioned is always a good idea if you are wanting to find some like minded local friends and that can sometimes turn into more if you meet the right person. What you do and how much you do is all up to you. Maybe just being here for awhile is enough to at least help you become more comfortable in your "new shoes." Part of the reason why I am on this forum is to be able to connect in some way with the very community I WANT to associate with.

 

It seems that you are contemplating the dating option and being honest with yourself. I do however would like to make a suggestion. Maybe consider taking the dating option on a "dry run". See how you like it, something withou strings attached or any comments. Something you can be comfortable with. This way you will have the chance to really deep dive into those feelings / emotions you are feeling. Remeber though that just the fact you are doing it will have an effect on you, so be mindfull.

I dont think that you have to commit to any lable in the beginning, just so you can get comfortable with it and see where you fit.

Just some thoughts, wanderlust's app idea is a great one though for a start.

 

Great suggestions from everyone. What I’ve decided to do is start asking people I know to coffee or lunch and seeing where our conversation go in terms of our friendship. It occurred to me to explore what I already have. I have become close to these folks over the years and that means something considering all I’ve learned about myself in the last year. There may be connections there that are meaningful. Looking forward to where that may go. Went to support group here in town last week. Was not comfortable at all. There were only 4 people there and I was old enough to be there grandparent. Not sure if I’ll go back. We’ll see. Amy, I hope your finding the support you need here and things are starting to sort themself out.

 

Amy, it seems those feelings you are having needs to be explored... How would you gauge your attraction to men? I am just trying to measure where you are at... I can see from your description how your are experiencing girls and would like to know how you experience men.. the same way? or different?

Please let me know if I am not pushing the boundary to much..

 

That is understandable... its that unknown. But I also think that makes it exiting ... something new to explore. I do believe that this is not only on a physiological point of view, but also emotional, not cliché'ish, that is a huge difference being with guys and girls...my opinion.. Why I asked about your relationship with men was specifically to gauge that.

I can see what exploring this part of you may mean in finding out where you fit and the feelings you are explaining, that tingle at the back of your mind, is maybe a hint that you already have suspicion where you fit, but just need a nudge to except.

Again how I see it is that you can explore this on your own terms, no pressure, you go as fast or as slow as you need.

In the end you will get there, where ever that journey may take you.

 

Women are more passive than men, so it's not surprising they remain a mystery to you in the area of romantic options. We have been conditioned to defer. In my country women are far more proactive. It's more of a matriarchal society, not completely, but more balanced than in many other countries. This does not mean that I am personally bold about engaging women I might be attracted too, I'm just more bold towards men. Now figure that one out? *confused look* It could be that men are often more obvious about their feelings, so that makes it easier to tread boldly. My advice is similar to what I said above, but I'll add that you might have to be more bold about your attraction to women before you get that kind of attention from them, and honestly, even that might not be enough.