when i was younger i never really labeled my sexuality but i was a bit curious like i thought i might be bi because i could see myself dating any gender and i thought about guys and girls in a more intimate way. and while i didnt feel comfortable labelling myself i didnt want to hide myself either so i just sort of didnt mention it but would openly talk like if i found people attractive and things and i think it sort of became like an unspoken thing like with my close friends like they would talk to me about whatever gender and they made me feel comfortable without having to label myself but it also lead to some questions from other people i wasnt as close to like when they hear me talking like asking if im bisexual because of how i talk and then i feel pressured to say and like i feel like ive gone backwards in feeling comfortable and open in myself because now i try and hide things or not talk about how i feel incase people start asking questions and sometimes things happen that make me a freak out a bit ike i kissed a girl and i was like omgg what does this mean but i feel like i cant talk about it or i need a label ad im so scared to label myself and so scared if its wrong and im stressing so much over it like i dont feel comfortable just going with the flow anymore i hate it.
There's nothing wrong with admitting that labels don't work for you, and that's all you'd have to say to someone who asked you. "I don't like labels, they're restrictive and easily misunderstood". That's generally what I would say right now if someone asked me. I haven't found a label I'm comfortable with despite telling a few people for a while that I'm bi. I feel more relaxed now for sure.
It's definitely one of those things that you either embrace or you don't. You really don't have to use a label at all if you don't want to. Just tell them how you feel. If they insist on planting a label on you then they are free to do so. One of my favorite things to do is let people believe things about me that are completely false. It's a form of poetic justice for their assumptions.
robotgirl.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message. .....David
robotgirl.....If labels are causing you this much anxiety then you might want to just ignore them for a while. There's nothing at all that says you have to have a label. What @Complicated101 said is good advise. I personally like having a label. It makes me feel like I belong somewhere when I felt like I didn't belong anywhere for a long time. But everyone is different and you have the right to just be YOU! You don't need to make excuses to anybody...if you don't feel like having a label just tell them that and if they don't like it or question it, then it's absolutely their problem! .....David
You're not alone on this. A label like coin collector or tennis buff would not irk a person if someone really has those hobbies. Putting a label on sexuality can irk someone because other people may use and abuse them, and I'm stressing abuse them. They'll say "that's my friend the attorney from Baltimore" if someone is straight but will say "that's my friend the gay attorney" if not. I can learn about that later on because I'd rather hear about what they're like, what they do, and where they're from first. Labels for sexuality might even be less applicable to people who aren't Kinsey 0s and 6s.
You've already gotten some good input, I think, but I'll add mine as well: you absolutely do not have to use a label if you don't want to. Some people find comfort in a label, whereas others don't. I found comfort, because for a long time, I struggled with who and what I was (in respects outside of sexual orientation, I still struggle with knowing myself completely). In your case, you were happier and more at ease without a label; I attribute it to this--for me, it's like wearing my favourite sweater, warm and comforting. For you, it's more restrictive, too tight and confining, forcing you to contort in a way that's unnatural. Everyone is different, and for people who don't know you (or at least, not well), you don't owe them a explanation. But if you feel the need to give them one and you're certain it's just idle curiosity on their part, simply saying you don't subscribe to a label ought to be enough. I understand how frustrating it can be, to be comfortable with who you are and suddenly find yourself uncertain and anxious about it; it feels like losing progress. But it's important to know that growing as a person is seldom linear, and it's okay to backslide now and again. If you find yourself really struggling, maybe try talking with one of your friends, whomever you're closest to and who will listen without judgment.
You don't have to worry about labels if you want a label cool if not that's cool too I like the label Bisexual because its makes me feel part of a community !
Perhaps you should set healthy boundaries with the people who make you uncomfortable. Explain the effects their questions have on you like in this post. Of course, I can’t predict how they’ll react because I’m not them. However, I can tell you that if I were in their shoes I would understand your position. Then, work out some agreement with you so you’ll feel better. Because at the end of the day how you identify should be your decision.
Hey everyone has given great advice. It’s true that you have to go with what feels right for you whether that is a label, no label. It can be hard when people want to be nosy and ask invasive questions but as others have said you don’t owe them anything. It may be that at some point in the future you will decide there is a label that feels right for you but equally you might not and that is entirely up to you.
Lot of great stuff above. I agree that labels are just that and nothing else. We can own them or not own them. It’s entirely our choice. Now the public may have another attitude about that. It’s okay. Most people love labels because it suits them and mostly aligns with their prejudice. Silver halo makes a really good point, “it’s up to you”. Wish you the best!
