Some days I just don't know what to do. I'm fairly masc in my presentation as I'm a butch transgirl, though that means I generally end up just looking like a guy anyhow but what ever. Now and again I have days where I want to look pretty or cute or sexy and I have stuff i can wear though it doesn't really look good on me. I'm also not used to it and struggling to adjust, like i want to but insecurity and imposter syndrome gets really heaby. It's especially frustrating when i look at myself and see a guy in a dress and it just ruins my whole mood. But there are days, and they are more often than I care to admit, where nothing feels right. I feel upset if I boymode, I feel like I look horrendously ridiculous in any feminine clothing and more neutral or masculine feminine clothing just ends up feeling like it doesn't sit right. At that point I'm normally ready to yank out my hair and scream. I tend to fall into this state when I'm invited to an event especially, the moment it feels like an occasion and I have to dress up a little I go through this mental hurricane. This reluctance to just jump into more feminine presentation and commit to it makes me question my transition too. Even though I've deal with this for years. What do I do to get over this stupid block and finally stop invalidating myself? I'm tired of going back to questioning if I've had it right after years of questioning..
I don't know, Kate, but I do know you look really feminine in your avatar pic. I think it's a problem that a lot of taller women - whether they're cis or trans - probably face. Do you have any cis girlfriends who might be able to guide you regarding feminine clothes that work for you? Just a thought... Beth x
Hi Kate, I just wanted to say that I think you look very feminine in your avatar picture and I really like the colour of your hair! As said above, I think a lot of taller women regardless of being cisgender or trans face similar issues. I also wonder if asking any cis female friends that you may have to offer advice on feminine clothing items that would work for you! Good luck x
Sure look female to me. Like others said, your avatar is definitely female. I can understand doubt and affirmation is important. Perhaps surrounding yourself with more people who SEE you is important….
You definitely look feminine to me, and very pretty. I'm jealous! Have you tried dressing and dolling up much for just you? That is, at home, by yourself, with no pressure of any event to go to? You might find it helpful to see what works for YOU, without the thought of what other people think. Take some selfies, remember to smile! You'll probably find that with time you'll find what you like, what you think suits you, whilst also feeling more confident in your own ability to define your own style. From there, it's probably not as much of a leap to go out, as you'll already feel comfortable in yourself. I wish I had your problem! I have quite the opposite at the moment. I feel very comfortable wearing feminine clothing, and confident in my ability to chose styles that look great on me. But I haven't yet determined whether transitioning is something I want (or need) to do or not, so I have a bunch of pretty outfits, curated over a few years, that so far have only been for my and my bf's enjoyment. But that's ok. At the moment I'm happy enough to know I feel comfortable and feminine when I do dress up. Find your style, maybe it's not as feminine as you think other people expect. Who cares! Just learn to dress for you and you only, and you'll be fine. Clothing is secondary to just about everything else, and feeling ok about yourself is most important! So don't stress too much!
sure look female and femme to me, but at the end of the day, it is more our behaviour and our desires that defines us, right?
