This has been something that's been on my mind for a while. And I've been wanting to post about it on here but wasn't quite sure where to post it. I'm still not sure if this is the right forum but I want to talk about this. I'm a 30 year old bi trans guy living on his own with two cats. And I don't feel safe in the state I'm currently living in. While the area of my hometown is okish...however, the changing political climate has had me worried for quite sometime now and it's making me want to move now more than ever. I have wanted to leave my state for awhile now to live somewhere else and experience a new atmosphere and culture. Ever since I came back from my trip to Las Vegas, I have been feeling very depressed and very anxious. I don't know if those are the right words to describe my feelings but they're the most accurate I think. Being out in Las Vegas was close to the state I want to move to which is California and coming back all the way to the Midwest was hell for me. Not that I hate quite where I live but I don't feel safe here either. Especially given the political climate and how red the state has become. I mean we're not quite as bad as like Texas or Florida but pretty close and that has me scared for a lot of reasons. For a little bit of backstory: I have been trying to get top surgery for the past 3 to 5 years give or take, and every time I've tried to use my insurance too help go towards that surgery I've been denied every time. And I have started saving money to maybe put towards that but I decided I'd rather wait and use that money to move instead, and then when I move out to California I'm going to get top surgery out there instead. Don't get me wrong I do want to get top surgery gery and I want to feel more at home in my own body. But I don't feel like I could comfortably do that where I'm living now. Does that make sense? For another bit of context I've been on t for about 6 to 7 years now, I've got my first prescription back in late March of 2018, and my insurance helps pay for that so I don't understand why it doesn't help with my surgery too but I don't want to waste the time and going through the process again just to get denied where I'm living here in the Midwest. I'm emotionally tired when it comes to this stuff and I'm tired of having to constantly prove my existence to people who don't want to respect my existence. These people being like the governor of the state I'm living in in the right wing politicians. I'm not saying that California will be perfect but it does have a better atmosphere for those who are in lgbtq community like I am which is what I'm looking for. So right now I'm in the research stages of planning in my move, saving up the money that I wanted the original use for top surgery, and I'm going to use that to fund my move. I just wanted to talk about it somewhere. This has been on my mind for awhile. And I know I'm gonna have people that I know saying that you're safe and there's anti discrimination laws on the books, and you've got supportive people. Which is true I do... however, I'm not feeling safe, my mental health is not the greatest...I'm functional but that's about it... nothing excites me much in life anymore and I'm hoping a new environment will help. So yeah. I may expand upon this as needed but this is where I am kind of at. I don't feel like I can talk about this right now with people I know irl because I feel like they will not either get it, understand, or try to doubt me. Thanks for reading. I needed to get some of this off my chest.
This all makes sense and sounds like a great plan. Do you think you'll move right to CA or what about Las Vegas? Do you have questions about how to go about this or if anyone has done it? You got this!
Ushiromiya Red.....Have you thought looking for a LGBTQ support group in an area where you may be considering to move? They could give you information about the area that would be really helpful when you are making your decision. Just a thought... .....David
I have a few questions as I have never moved out of state on my own before. The last time I moved out of state was when I was really young (about 4-5 years old-ish) and I barely have much recollection of how we did it. I know my mom had an online boyfriend at the time and we moved out there to be with him...I also remember the relationship not working out. This was like mid to late 90's which was a very long ass time ago. I have been trying to do all the research I can regarding this subject as well as saving up money. I'll admit a lot of this is very scary and new to me but it is worth it to me to take the plunge for my mental health and safety. I wish I knew somebody who has done it before me but alas I do not. Unless somebody here has done it...I'd love to hear about if you're comfortable sharing...if not that's ok. too. Thank you for taking the time to reply. It means a lot to me.
Wow, that's a really great idea! I will do that as soon as I am able. I have looked briefly into one group but I'll see what others are in the area I want to move to. Thank you for such a great suggestion. I'm going to look into this right away.
...Red.....It was just a thought that popped up! They might also be able to help with finding a decent place to stay or perhaps a roommate that is LGBTQ or at least a supporter, etc. There are parts of California that are more LGBTQ than others, so be sure to check out just how accepting any particular area is before you fall too much in love with it! Good luck...planning a move like that can be scarry, but it can also be exciting! .....David
If you don't want to make the big move to an expensive state on the coast, you can always do an intermediate move to a blue Midwestern state like Illinois. Maybe not the same excitement as California but Chicago is pretty cosmopolitan.
This is not a trivial matter. That surgery will be one of the biggest decisions you ever make. It may be a relatively simple (?) procedure in medical terms, but all surgery involves some physical risk of complications and illness, not to mention an outright botched procedure. Even a successful surgery will put psychological stress on you, and that too wears down the body. So while I have never undergone surgery for anything, it seems to me that you are right to delay until circumstances improve. If you feel safer and happier in California (or elsewhere), that could have a significant, cascading impact on the success of your transition. PS - you do not have to move to CA in one step. Are there more affordable places bordering that state, or to the north along the West Coast, that would allow you to travel to CA periodically, while living in a tolerant community ? In other words, step 1 - get out of the Midwest , step 2 - find your long-term place of residence.
I'd be glad to help you with questions too about going out on your own. It should be helpful with all the stuff you can do online. Street view and virtual tours of places to really see it. Makes me chuckle at how I used thick phone books and paper maps of a city I was moving to for college to find out what was close to campus or how to get somewhere. It was normal then and I figured it out. You can do it too and someone here has done what you want so just ask and we can help. Finding trans friendly groups and a place to live if they know of some, like quebec said, is a great idea. You can do so much ahead of time with your phone and all the handy tech. One thing at a time and if it feels overwhelming, take a break or change what you are researching. You can do it!
Like Incoming said, things can cascade after a move. Moving is on the list of the biggest stressors in life. I used to take it in stride. I've done it successfully and less than satisfactorily. Successfully means that I liked where I ended up and got into the swim of it. Less than satisfactorily means that I had more regrets than I thought I would have. Moves can be reversed, but it takes a toll. To me, it sounds like you need to be calm and sort of settled when you're going through your surgery and follow ups. You should also have as much of a support system that you can possibly have in your corner when going through this.
