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Married and bisexual

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Jaimequestions, Jan 11, 2023.

  1. Jaimequestions

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    How do you navigate being married while being bi? Sometimes I find I am more attracted to a smooth guy than a lady and then I go down a rabbit hole of maybe I am gay. As a person that identifies as bi am I able to sport the beautiful flag?
     
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  2. Journey616

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    We live a similar life my friend. And plagued with that nagging thought for over 14 years. Maybe I’m gay?

    you’re not alone
     
  3. Jaimequestions

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    How do you deal with it?
     
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  4. Jakebusman

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    Same with me married and Bi and still wanting a guy
     
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  5. Journey616

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    I try to approach it mentally. Take each moment as it comes. Those moments I feel gay, I surrender to that feeling
    , enjoy it and then move to the next moment. However, this doesn’t always work or I forget to apply it or I get caught up in the obsession of it all and get caught in the rabbit hole. That’s when I come here looking for some kind of support.

    As for the physical side. Toys help, living in the country with not a lot of gay men anywhere near me helps as well. If I was in the city, that would make it hard. No pun intended. My wife and I still have a great sex life as well.

    But as much as I have all those tools to help me, once I’ve gone down that rabbit hole of wondering if I am gay. A minute feels like an eternity.

    How about you?
     
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  6. Jaimequestions

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    How do you surrender to the moment? I have found that writing some of the things ideas and stories out helps. Sexually the toys do help and have taken my breath away.
     
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  7. Tikimon20

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    I fretted about my sexuality and worried I might be gay for many years. But I finally left my fears behind and have loved being with a man when I can. I don't fight the urge anymore. It feels so natural to me and it has added to my life.
     
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  8. bsg75apollo

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    I originally came out as bisexual. I would've been content to stay married to my wife as coming out was not based on a desire to be with other guys. It was based on a desire to just freely be myself and not this uptight, closeted dude who had damaged his health trying to keep a lid on things. My sexuality is somewhat ill defined because I am definitely more gay than straight. I don't exactly feel bi, but I don't exactly feel gay either. I don't even necessarily like the term queer either. Anyway, I am going through a divorce now, unrelated to any issues of sexuality. A lot of it is because my soon to be ex decided that she really didn't mean the in sickness part of the vows. Right now, I don't know where the future will go. I'll definitely be exploring that gay side of me for a while. Truth be told, I probably won't go seeking out a relationship with a woman, but you never know. If that's what falls in my lap and it's right then so be it. But, I am never going back in some damn closet. I have no idea if any of this was helpful or relevant.
     
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  9. B1lat3ral

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    I can relate.. also recovered from a long sickness ( almost 6 years of struggling) I think the only difference was that my woman was standing by me the whole way and had her full support.. Now that I am getting back on my feet, the strain on our relationship that I can be independent and not necessarily need the level of support I needed for the last couple of years and coming out as bi in the last couple of months I can see the strain on our relationship. Hope we find our rhythm again. I would probably not leave her.. but not sure from her side.. only time will tell.
     
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  10. wua

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    Today bi, gay tomorrow... It's the truth for gays married to woman. I think that the label bi is very common to cover fear of being gay and own homophobia.
     
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  11. Bob J20

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    I am in a relationship but not married. I fantasize about being with another man constantly. Always trying to find another guy in my position to meet up with and share occasional sexual pleasures. But that never seems to come. I may be gay too, but it is very confusing why I just love making love to a woman and at the same time enjoying oral sex with another man.
     
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  12. 74andHome

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    When I couldn’t deny my truth finally, I began seeing a therapist. It’s been about a year. Seeing her gave me such clarity. A few weeks ago I told my wife I was Bi. Chaos has ensued. Tension is settling in and denial has taken a grip on her mind. I still fantasize about both men and women and threesome with a woman and a man. All are very energizing for me. I seem to connect to women very well but men are harder for me. I’m still trying to get past my fear with men that’s just not there with women. I took a chance and kissed a man on the cheek (a good friend who has kissed my cheek several times upon saying hi or bye) the other day. He was a little shocked and pulled away quickly. No contact other than passing hello since. For me there seems to be a different approach to men. Women expect it, men don’t unless they are gay too. Thoughts?
     
  13. Jaimequestions

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    I had a guy kiss my cheek years ago and I panicked because I just met him that night when I met with a friend. If he had talked to me before and we made a connection, I would not have mind.
     
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  14. 74andHome

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    I hear that. Amazing how people react to the unexpected isn’t it. I’ve known the guy I kissed on the cheek for about 5 years. He’s probably kissed me on the cheek 20 times. I kiss him once and it feels like he’s seeing me as a threat now. Weird world isn’t it? I will continue to see if I can stay close to him though.
     
  15. Bobo

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    I’m new here. Been married for over 30 years and now I want a man. I guess curious. There is an old saying don’t mess with someone who doesn’t have as much too lose as yourself. Just a consideration but it should keep things discreet.
     
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  16. B1lat3ral

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    Some times I think, part of being bi is this feeling. Having the capacity to be with others, immaterial of gender, being attracted to different ways and enjoying those relationships in different ways. I think its normal having those fantasies of being with a guy.. while still being with a girl... and visa versa, depending on the mood. I also think that for most married, and its only an observation, things tend to get little bit confused as being with a guy and being with a girl is so different. So don't think its gay, just at that point in time you want to experience the "other side"
     
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  17. 74andHome

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    Like B1lat3ral says, So don't think its gay, just that point in time you want to experience the "other side"

    I came out late in life but for some reason was very comfortable with being Bi.. it fits me. Why can’t I be with a man or a woman or both as far as that goes? There’s nothing wrong, strange odd, weird, crazy, or pick another adjective about it. You’re not weird, strange or anything else. You’re curious about something. Explore the options. If you like it cool. If you don’t cool. Be you!
     
  18. Nameerf76

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    I'm very happily married and very happily identify as being bi (not questioning or unsure or closeted!).
    I came out to my wife (of 20 years) around 5 years ago and, though it was scary, it has worked out really well.
    I'm not saying it's a solution that works for everyone but we decided to have a (carefully managed, one step at a time, with lots of communication) open relationship.
    It's a whole other topic I know but an open relationship doesn't have to mean "anything goes"! We check in and make sure it's ok each time. If either person isn't 100% ok with it we don't do anything.
    We probably see someone else once or month or less these days - but the amount of communication that the whole process has opened up has been amazing - we've never been closer or more in love in 23 years!
    We didn't plan an open relationship as a solution to the "problem" of me being bi by the way - it happened organically because I went through a period of questioning whether I was gay or straight (I hadn't been with a guy before) and SHE suggested I hook up with a guy to find out - she gave me a "hall pass" I guess you'd say - and promised that the one-off experiment wouldn't harm our relationship - so we tried it and after that "experiment" we discovered (which we weren't expecting AT ALL) that she really like the idea of me being with guys.
    Anyway sorry to go on (and use so many brackets and hyphens!) You can never tell what directions life will go in is I guess what I'm saying!
     
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  19. 74andHome

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    Now that’s my idea of an awesome wife! Mine however is not that. Wish you well Nameerf76!
     
  20. Nameerf76

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    I'm sorry to hear that.. and yes she is amazing. We found out a lot about each other through this whole process and it made me love her even more!
     
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