1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Help with affirmations

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Emberwinds, Dec 6, 2022.

  1. Emberwinds

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2022
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Toronto
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hello,

    ifinally came to terms with being a lesbian after years of therapy and decades of internalized lesbophobia and closeting my feelings and desires.
    I’ve made huge progress through therapy and I’m trying to feel more comfortable in my identity. Because I spent decades living with self hate for my own identity, I’m struggling with finding ways to think of myself positively.

    I’m hoping to build myself some positive affirmations regarding my identity.
     
    Moxely likes this.
  2. Rayland

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2021
    Messages:
    2,112
    Likes Received:
    1,586
    Location:
    Estonia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hello and welcome to the EC! :slight_smile:

    The way I have dealt with my internalized homophobia is just simply learning as much as possible about the community and chatting the people online and relating to their struggles. I'm very glad you have been working in therapy and making progress. Having support is important.

    These are the affirmations I'm trying to tell myself, while trying to love myself more:

    I am worthy of love, acceptance and happiness. My identity is valid. I am allowed to make decisions on my own for my own wellbeing. I value myself.

    I hope this helps a bit.
     
    BiGemini87 likes this.
  3. BiGemini87

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2019
    Messages:
    1,485
    Likes Received:
    1,318
    Location:
    Pembroke, ON
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome to EC, @Emberwinds! Firstly, congratulations--both on coming out and on working through your internalized homophobia. It's a difficult, oftentimes arduous battle, but in taking the steps towards self-acceptance, you're closer now than you were before to being a more complete version of yourself. It may take time and you might find yourself backsliding at times into feelings of guilt/shame/disgust, and that's okay! We all go through it, and healing is seldom done in a linear fashion.

    Rayland's given some solid tips already, so I'll just tack on that any time you feel a negative thought or emotion coming on, counteract it with questions like these:

    -Why do I feel shame/guilt/disgust for liking other women?

    -Who/what made me think that it's bad/gross/unnatural?

    -Where's the harm in having these feelings? Do my attractions to the same sex really hurt anyone in the literal sense? *

    *(It's important to note that with that last question, we sometimes encounter family members--often parents--who will make the claim that it hurts them/they fear for our souls/we're putting them through an ordeal. When this happens, it isn't true: if you have anyone in your life who would act hurt over you being a lesbian, it's because they are forcing their worldview onto you. You aren't doing anything to them--all you're doing is being honest, and honesty should be celebrated, not dismissed/scolded).

    Sometimes, what we need most is to figure out the root cause of these negative feelings. Sometimes it comes down to early experiences among our peers at school, or off-handed comments from family members about the "lifestyle" (as though it were a choice). Without knowing it, we retain a great deal of the messages we've received in early life, whether directed at us or not, and these messages have a way of echoing in our own voices until we believe they're ours.

    It's going to take conscientious effort on your part (at times, at least), but with time and patience, you'll become more comfortable in your sexual orientation and how it impacts your sense of identity.
     
    Searching2022 and Rayland like this.
  4. Jakebusman

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2015
    Messages:
    1,978
    Likes Received:
    529
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi welcome to EC I struggled with internal biaphobia for a while.