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Am I overthinking? I think I could really like this woman and don’t want to lose her.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by bambibat, Dec 6, 2022.

  1. bambibat

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    I’ve been talking to this woman for a couple days now. We met on another social media site. She is lesbian and several years older than me, and was the first to express an interest after I created a post reaching out to connect with other sapphic women who wanted genuine friendship and/or potentially more.

    Now, I’m not the sort to catch feelings too easily and have a rather specific type. Thing is she seems to fit that type almost to a tee.

    Often when I’m interested in someone they are either straight or unattainable. So I’ve never had a relationship. Maybe I’m just overly excited at the prospect of having found a potential “match” so to speak. We talked all day long for the first day/night and sent paragraphs upon paragraphs to each other; I just want to know everything about her. And she seemed equally as engaged as I was.

    Today is the third day. I know it really hasn’t been long. I’ve just started worrying that she’s losing interest. Yesterday we discussed our types and it turns out I don’t fit hers as much as she fits mine on a physical level (we haven’t seen actual photos of each other, just descriptions). But she has also stated she’s open-minded.

    She has been asking less questions since then and sometimes seemingly forgets to answer ones I give her — which makes me worry I asked something too sensitive. But I know that she’s busy with studies and it may not have been an intentional thing.

    I’m probably overthinking or expecting too much? I don’t know how this sort of thing is supposed to go. I’m so clueless.

    Like I said I’m not used to finding someone who fits my type so well and shows any interest. I’m worried it might not happen again for a long time. It’s only been three days but I keep thinking about her. I’ve been spending my days anticipating her next message.

    I don’t know. Any advice/wisdom? I probably just need reassurance or a good slap and to be told I’m analysing this too much.
     
  2. Aspen

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    It's normal for conversation to slow down. When you start out talking for hours and with thorough responses, that isn't sustainable. That's especially true if she's busy with studying. Take a deep breath. Remind yourself that it's only been a few days. When you're talking, keep the conversation moving but also recognize that she may not be able to dedicate the same amount of time to talking to you on some days as others.
     
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  3. Cinnamoon

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    Hey.

    I've gone through similar stuff to this numerous times before, the majority of them just this year. I'm still reeling from the emotional crash course I've put myself through, but I guess I've learned a couple of things along the way too.

    The first one, as hard as it is, is to just relax. Like Aspen says, it's normal for things to slow down. That initial rush of getting to know someone is just that, an initial rush. You've probably found that you're both compatible as people so far and maybe she's comfortable with that, knows you're in her life now and is spending more time focusing on day to day stuff and other things.

    Another is to love yourself and be okay as yourself and by yourself, if you can. Love is great and amazing and all that, but we have to be mentally okay alone first. A significant other or love interest should be an addition to our lives, not a pillar holding up our very emotional wellbeing.

    And I would say continue to engage while being realistic about the possibility of things not working out. Continue to talk and care, but protect your heart. Work on your own life too as this is going on, try not to let the fear of something going wrong weigh you down, and just take things day by day.

    If you need any more support and advice please keep posting! I hope I've helped but I might not have helped at all, but even if I haven't then I'm sure somebody else here will.

    Just relax, take things easy, be yourself, and love yourself and value yourself while you're engaging with this person. Whether things take off or not, your heart will thank you later.
     
    Rayland likes this.