So I'm posting it in general support and advice, because it might be a gender problem, but it feels like not really a gender problem. I feel like I want to talk about my gender identity stuff, but I don't know what I want to talk about. I honestly don't have any topics, because not much has been going on. I worry that I'm just not aware of the thing that I want to talk about, but I can't fix this problem, nothing comes to my mind. I'm done with the psychological diagnosis and nothing is going on. I don't really have dysphoria per say to talk about and I think I receive support about it recently, it's not that I want to do something, I want somethibg to be different, I want to talk about that, but I don't know what exactly or how. I tried just going for a walk alone, without electronics, but nothing comes to my mind in silence either. So... any ideas how to get unstuck?
Is it possible that you've gone through a lot of changes recently and now your life is settling down so you feel like something has to be wrong because something's always been wrong?
I'm not sure if the changes were large. Or do you mean that finishing the diagnosis is a large event? For context, I haven't been doing practically anything in terms of transition in about 2 years. I exercised my voice but it hasn't had much impact yet. I don't know, to be honest, let me think it through. But I don't mean... neccesarily talking about something negative. I unfortunately have had a lot of experiences with both professionals and other trans people when I was being invalidated based on some "analysis" and not fulfiling their criteria for a trans pwrson to be real, and getting who I am dismissed because of it. It's all because I don't take hormones and feel like a guy or at least a transmasculine person. So many people who were supposed to be supportive pressured it on me that I should frame myself as a female an AFAB person or what have you, and yes, I have some experiences of an AFAB person, but they don't define me in any way, they're more like an addition than the main topic. I don't feel like it refelects my experiences or personality or what have you at all. I'm more closely aligned with what most guys are like. So I wish I could talk and what there *is* not what isn't, not with arguments against me, but to talk about arguments that are on my side. I mean, I know why I'm trans, what it means for me and so on, I just don't know why I don't feel very secure in it, probably because of the bad experiences, because others attacked me over and over for who I am, even those that were meant to be safe and supportive. So maybe I want to fix these experiences, but positive experiences that I have had lately don't seem to sink in. I'm sorry if it all spunds unclear, I'm thinking aloud.
I have had so many of the invalidating experiences, they came so repeatedly, that it might be tough at this point to "fix" them. Can I ever recover or is the scar too deep? It's super mean especially frlm the trans community to talk over people like that. We're supposed to help each other, because who else will? Non-LGBT people don't get it even more. Although in my experience they can at least be accepting and supportive.
When you got this diagnosis from the psychologist was it more so you could prove to people that you are transgender, or was there something else you needed this diagnosis for? I found there is a sort of "hierarchy" in the trans community, and if you don't want to do any medical transitioning, you're not seen as "real" to many people or they don't understand why you're not going through that process. If you've went for a walk and you felt calm and nothing came to mind, it seems you're at peace with yourself. I understand wanting a sense of community, but considering the nature of some of the people in it, would it be better to not disclose those parts of yourself; why does anyone need to know? I found non-trans specific spaces much more accepting where you can just be yourself and no one knows how you identify other than male or female. If you're content with your life and body as is, it should be no one's business why you can't or don't want to medically transition. If there's something specific you need advice on, or how to navigate certain situations as a trans person there should always be someone who has experiences or advice (such as here), but otherwise I'd find groups or communities based on interests if that's what you're looking for. I want to add, that it sounds like you want external validation from people. If you're confident with yourself and know who you are and what you want, the opinions of others shouldn't matter. However, it may take some time to boost your self esteem to the point where you don't need external validation from others.
Yes. And in order not to have to prove to doctors over and over that antiandrogens make my whole body and mind collapse, because I have more androgens than most AFAB people and they treat me like it's an illness and can't see through it to treat my actual problems. Yes, unfortunately. And they treat you as your agab and are very dismissive if your needs differ from theirs. Well, I don't really feel peaceful. I think it's what I already wrote. I mean, I get accepted by cis peiple generally, and it's great, but I would want to have a heart to heart conversation sometimes and feel supported. Cis people have no means to understand, just like non-diabetics won't understand what it's like to have diabetes or people of a different nationality won't understand the folklore of a certain nationality. I know. I don't know how to change it other than working though the experience that was a complete failure. Face it again. Get what I want. It usually helps, to face something again and not be helpless this time. (It's not that I don't *know*, intelectually, who I am etc., but the bad experiences seem to have sucked out my confidence)
Why do you always say that someone is way wrong in the way they are interpreting their feelings? Or that it's not real? As in - that they believe in something false and this is where the feeling is coming from. Like in the placebo post. Or in my two threads. Some people, like me, aren't very verbal-minded and haven't had the chance to learn how to communicate feelings effectively either. It's very invalidating, for example for me, and if I was younger and had less distance, such a messege that I should distrust myself, because the way I communicate isn't "good enough" and hence I'm "just making it up" or am "just being hysterical" would harm me, and such messeges did harm me. Dismissing feelings like that sweeps them under the rug and and they don't dissappear, they accumulate and can't serve their function. It leads to, for example, depression. I had sucha therapist, she worsened my depression, because she invalidated everything I said and I made myself unhappy, because I ignored what made me feel good or bad.
Let me start by explaining why I asked that question. Sometimes, when we’ve gone through a series of stressful events, it can be difficult to relax when things are going well. I have an anxiety disorder and sometimes I feel like my life is just a series of crises. When things are going well, my anxiety searches for something to be anxious about—wondering when something is going to go wrong and what it will be. The way you described how you’ve been feeling—worrying about something without being aware of what—sounded an awful lot like that. A distinction that I want to make is that there’s a difference between invalidating your feelings and encouraging you to challenge them. I apologize if at any point I’ve suggested that your feelings aren’t “real” because they are real when you’re experiencing them. I would never suggest that you’re just making it up or being hysterical. However, it’s still important for you to examine and challenge your own feelings and where they come from. Not every thought that comes from a place of anxiety or depression has a function. Is the problem that you feel that you lack a support system? Are you seeking to find people who have the same relationship with gender and being trans that you do?
Oh, thank you for explaining. I get now what you mean. So it has actually been your experience that everything went well, and you felt anxious despite it. It's mind blowing how sometimes people misunderstand each other and I think a few people I got mad at before must have meant the same by saying that something is just a feeling, but we both lacked the communication skills to reach an understanding. I mean, yes, obviously, it's possible that feelings can be out of synch with what is going on and honestly - when that is the case, I don't really know how to change it sometimes. Do you have any strategies that work for you other than regonising that kind of feelings for what they are? As for a support system, I don't know if it's that I don't have support or that even if I could have it, I can't even communicate well what I feel. Many things that I say about feelings sound... just weird to other people, and they don't "get it". I don't know, maybe I missed out on something when growing up. I was told to repress my feelings a lot, so I sometimes don't even know what they are or how "normal" people call them. It's so stupid... Or sometimes they get blocked, maybe out of habit, and I ain't got a clue why a certain emotion appears, but nowadays it's much more rare than it used to be. I feel like all these gender issues are such a thing that got blocked and I can't get something out. Although I feel like I managed to get out and identify at least some of these feelings thanks to a few friends of mine and psychotherapist They're patient with my unclear talking and confusing descriptions... It's been slow and frustrating.
I have a couple of suggestions. The first is to slowly work on learning how to recognize your feelings. Start as small as you need to. Is it a positive or negative emotion? When did it start? What were you thinking about? What does it feel like? (I don't mean "What emotion does it feel like?" but "Is it prickly? Is it a burning in your stomach? A restless feeling in your legs? Is your heart beating faster? Is it warm? Cold? Hollow?") If it's an anxious feeling, is there a reason to be anxious? Be gentle. Acknowledge the feeling. Observe what you can of it. If it isn't helpful, try to let it drift by. The second is to try free writing. Just open a blank word document or get a blank piece of paper and write whatever comes into your head about something you want to think about. It doesn't have to be coherent. It doesn't have to make sense. You don't even have to use complete sentences or real words if that's what it takes. The goal here isn't for you to write a letter, it's to get all of your thoughts out, in whatever form that takes.
