So this is a weird question, one I've always wondered if I would get to but do see it still as a possibility with the man I'm dating at this time. He's the longest person I've been with, and it's just the type of relationship I've been waiting for. Now to preface, we've been together almost a year-and-a-half, and actually started talking a year prior to that but it took so long to meet because of the pandemic. And we have had discussions about some day getting married. Neither of us are saying we will soon, though he has said that it's likely me who will have to propose. The sort of joke is...he beat me to the punch telling me he loves me (I was about to the same day but he said it first), asked me to be his boyfriend amusingly again same day I had planned to but kept beating around the bush, and also decided for him and I to have been dating for a year. (our anniversary being the day we first met in person). So naturally the most important part of a relationship ends up...my responsibility. I get the feeling he likely wouldn't say no, but I also as said never want to race it. So I'd love opinions from folks. When is the right time to propose to your partner? I should add though, we are NOT living together yet. Due to certain transit issues here in our city, he needs great access to get to different things, whereas where I live is...a bit more difficult for him? Hence it might take a bit to move in together so I know that itself can also have impact haha. But again, would love your thoughts I know it can vary person to person, some get engaged early, others it could be years into the relationship. But still wanted opinions.
I have no idea on such things, but wanted to say how nice for you and him, this is so lovely and I hope you'll be happy together, married or not
Hey! Sounds like things are going really well for you. Personally, I would give it a bit more time and see if living together is an option or a possibility to arrange before popping the question. Living ogether could provide you with more things to go on when making the decision. Being together for one and a half years is a great base to build on a closer relationship and to gain more insights on the potential long-term.
Hey Mirko, hope you're well. And yes I agree. I don't think proposing before living together for a time is the right thing. Cause obviously you don't want to marry someone then move in and find out you hate living together haha. I just wanted to get different thoughts on how long is too long and/or how short is too short.
I highly recommend waiting until you’ve lived together for at least a few months, because you really never know what someone is like to live with unless you live with them. If not before you get engaged, then definitely before you get married. I also recommend making sure you’re on the same page about major life choices—kids, where you want to live long-term, etc. It doesn’t sound like you do, but I also want to raise that if you have any issues with the relationship, getting engaged and/or married doesn’t make them better. Communicate and work them out ahead of time.
I'd probably would want to live with a boyfriend for about 6 months or so and being together for a couple to a few years would be my comfort zone. I have learned to give things their time and things will fall into place.
Based on the live together for a while replies, is that the same as being married and living together? I've wondered why people end up with bad spouses and some say they didn't turn bad until after marriage. Perhaps they didn't live together, but it makes me wonder, how do you know a guy doesn't change for the worse later on? I just wonder how people do all the normal stuff they do haha.
A very good point. It begs the question how do relationships last at all sometimes. It just seems to work for some and not for others for just a huge mixture of reasons lol
I dunno but it might be an interesting convo for you and him to see what he thinks. Does he know you comment on here? I imagine you can talk about anything with him and he does with you. Most married people I know aren't very good at communication and they say it causes trouble for them, if they aren't blaming the other haha. Something about attachment styles that's supposed to help understand how you each tend to be in conflict or when feeling hurt, so that stuff doesn't cause as much trouble. I think having gone to therapy, stuff I've read and being older helps mellow people out and are better at relationships? (not me personally) My parents had horrible convo skills which I'm trying to unlearn still. Maybe it still takes a lot of luck to find the right one and I'm idealizing as I often do. I hope you guys are happy together no matter the status
I agree about living together, and really it just depends on your relationship when is most appropriate to get married. Make sure you also think about finances (like having both joint and individual bank accounts) because money problems causes a lot of breakups. I have a coworker who waited seven years (and had a child) before getting married, and I could see way before that they were committed to each other. Basically for them, marriage was just confirmation of what they knew and to get benefits as parents. There was an article which stated that short-term and long-term relationships look the same at first, so it just takes time to figure out what’s happening, especially in post-pandemic times. I do think you should never feel rushed into marriage because the actual marriage certificate is not going to make your relationship better or worse: that’s on you and your partner. Mutual agreement is much better.
Also agreed. I really appreciate the various opinions on this. It's definitely made me think about things. As said, I never want to get married to my partner until we've at least lived together for a time because I want to know we're compatible together more than just say...when we spend weekends together. Living together's a lot different than spending two or three nights together. But again, I just always like people's opinions on things like this, get different perspectives. Feel free to keep commenting, not saying this conversation has to end, just have appreciated the varying opinions.
