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Maybe i should change meds again or find someone else

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Sadness, Jun 29, 2022.

  1. Chip

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    unfortunately, in your case, you will probably need to find a new psychiatrist, hopefully one that really understands your OCD before you can get help.The current plan is not working, and asking the same questions and 'testing' 10,000 times won't help either.
     
  2. Aeolia

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    Sounds to me that you probably have some work to do on your own masculinity. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being submissive as long you still manage to be an independent human being. It doesn't make you less of a man, less of a human being. You're not doing anything wrong.
    Everybody is different yet absolutely nobody actually feels at ease in the "masculine role" they're expected to fill. Take it, make it suit you and own it. Stop comparing yourself to other men, they all have their own insecurities as well.

    I'd say yes. The problem is that there are tons of possible causes to every single one of those "symptoms" of yours. There is no clear cut answer like "oh yeah, if you like that you gay" or "oh yeah, if you like that you straight".
    You're confused, you don't know how to interpret your own body's reactions, your mind is clouded by too much porn and you're obsessed with knowing whether you're gay or not.
    You need a therapist to declutter it all, we might be able to help you help yourself once you're a few appointments in.

    for now, maybe tone it down a notch with porn and all.
     
  3. Chip

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    Rest of posts snipped.

    This has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with masculinity, nor are there "other causes" at play, and while the porn is confusing things, none of that has anything to do wit the primary issue.

    He needs a new psychiatrist to take a new approach with medication to solve the OCD issue.


    Nothing else is going to help in the short term.
     
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  4. Aeolia

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    just talking about the shame part. and yeah it's gonna require help from a psychiatrist as well.

    The "tone it down on porn" part is just because it seems like it's adding even more to his confusion. But yeah, it's only a leaf of the root problem which is : our guy needs to see a specialist.

    100% behind you on that
     
    #24 Aeolia, Aug 28, 2022
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2022
  5. Sadness

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    Thank both of you, these messages helped me a lot.

    im going to have a appointment with my new psychiatrists

    Will he be able to help me dealing with ocd and idk… maybe accepting that i am gay

    or accepting that porn consumed me so much that testing about doing a blowjob to a guy makes me hard bc of transwoman pornography and too much exposure

    hope he helps me
     
  6. Aeolia

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    you've already found one ? that's great brother
     
  7. Chip

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    Best of luck and let us know how it goes. I would focus on the fact that you have absoutely unmanageable OCD, that you have previously been on medication that did little to stop the intrusive thoughts and obsessive behaviors, and that you need help with the OCD. Make clear that you have repeatedly been told by numerous people that you show no signs of being gay and aren't actually aroused by guys, but you can't stop testing.

    I would also seek out a therapist that has a specialty with OCD. It would be highly unlikely to find a psychiatrist who is also a really good therapist.
     
  8. Sadness

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    So o talked to him. He is very professional and i felt comfortable telling him about everything that happened to me this last 4 years

    my next appointment i will try to focus more on my obsessions and porn consume

    especially after today, where i was watching a funny yt video but a scene triggered me to test again about the faceless dude fucking me which i got hard at some point until my anxiety kicks and i lost and after couldnt get completely hard again

    i will talk more about this specific and what it means, or if is attached to my porn consume and mostly now transwoman

    since you guys told me that this test fantasy doesnt mean im gay
     
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  9. Aeolia

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    that's great, hope he's gonna help you find some peace
     
  10. Sadness

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    Im having new appointments with this new
    psychiatrist and we’re trying different approaches

    but i still cant not test with men

    a lot of times i want to fantasize about woman but i have this bad, weird feeling even if i get hard thinking of it

    and bc of this bad and weird feeling that happens in any type of fantasy i tend to test

    one of this test thought about kissing a friend, which for some reason i was very neevous anxious bit my penis got harder not completely tho

    and then with woman i felt arousal but felt the weird bad feeling

    sometimes i think everyday km getting more hard fo the tests i do, dont know if its only my imagination,
     
  11. Mirko

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    Try as much as you can to avoid the testing you are doing. I can't imagine it helping. Speak with the new therapist and try to continue working on things. You'll eventually turn the corner.
     
  12. Sadness

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    Will i ever regret if i never have a relationship?

    i even talked about this with my psychiatrist, its so much pressure in me, is so confusing because all of these tests that i’ve done, which gave me arousal

    is much more comfortable to be without someone, i dont feel pressured, dont feel anxious

    all my friends had sex, and got girlfriends and im the only one that have never had any of these

    and now everytime seems that im disgusted about the idea of dating woman, but in real life when a woman is next to me i get hard

    but when i try to fantasize i feel this bad feeling

    The only that gets me going is transwoman

    again the same, if i think about their dicks i ger very aroused

    this week i got hard when thought about doing the same with a guy

    dont know if its because of the porn or bc im gay

    i dont want to have a relationship and then realize i dont like woman

    or have something with a guy and then realize i like girls

    so being without sex and relationship seems pretty safe

    but i wonder if im going to regret it one day
     
  13. Aeolia

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    my guy, there are thousands and thousands of lads that are stressed out for those very reasons.
    you're lonely, probably a tad awkward around women and not knowing if it's worth it to pursue dating.

    you could also just not be into dating, that's a thing as well.

    all of your testing holds no meaning, as we've said, because it's the OCD kicking in. you're not gonna find an answer with those tests as you don't even really know what you're testing and what your reactions mean.
    there are tons of things that can give a straight man a hard-on. (Hell, I personally enjoy some lesbian porn even though I'm getting the chills at the idea of dating a woman. I just enjoy the eroticism.)
    also, I know you're stressed out and all and I should have addressed it earlier... but being attracted to trans women is being attracted to women. once again, your tests don't mean much and actually tend to just say you're a straight guy that wishes a woman would tickle his prostate.

    Keep seeing your therapist and maybe write it on your hand or on your phone: you are not actually testing your orientation, you're obsessing over it. And the point of this behaviour is not to find an answer, but to keep asking yourself.
    it's not your fault, but write it down to keep it in mind whenever you get a grasp on yourself.
     
  14. Sadness

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    I think i will leave for good

    i gave up

    im not wasting my money anymore on meds or psychiatrist

    it doesnt help me at all, im just wasting my money

    i gave up and thats it
     
  15. Mirko

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    Hi there! Have you tried finding a therapist who specializes in OCD as Chip has suggested in his earlier post?

    How come you want to give up after all of your efforts so far? Although it might not feel like it at the moment, by trying to manage the OCD, finding the right medications and supports you need, you are working towards improving and making things better for you.
     
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  16. Sadness

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    Yes, and its not working at all

    I test more and more each day

    i cant stop watching porn at all

    i cant stop testing with man

    I think im getting disgusted by vaginas(even tho if i see one i get aroused, i just cant fantasize about licking them)

    I get more and more arouses to transwoman each day

    The thought of doing a bj to a transwoman is the only thing that turns me on completely

    so theres nothing more to see here, im just wasting my money and time

    im 100% sure im gay and i just cant accept, transwoman is probably just a way for me to deal with the conscious subconcious thing

    so theres no need for more meds, more psychiatrists, its not working and will never work

    i will deal with my anxiety for once and try to have sex with a guy, and then i will know what i fell and i will be able to finally stop all the tests and just have a normal life
     
    #36 Sadness, Oct 15, 2022
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2022
  17. Sadness

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    When in at the uni, my friedns give me tingles when they touch me

    woman arouses me

    but when im alone at home i cant fantasize about kissing them, sucking boob or vagina, it doesnt work, i cant get hard but theres a feeling that dont let me feel food from it, like a wall, while doing a bj to a transwoman i can orgasm in 10 seconds
     
  18. Chip

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    I hear the frustration in your heart. This is miseable to live with.

    But it is solvable.

    I don't think you have been with the new psychiatrist very long. With a competent psychiatrist, it can still take months to get the medication right. It sounds like your previous psychiatrist wasn't good with OCD medication management.Hopefully, this one will be better. Please give it time to solve this.
     
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  19. Sadness

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    I dont know what to tell my psychiatrist anymore, today i went through something that bothered me the most

    At the morning i opened reddit and saw naked woman, i wasnt getting aroused by the pictures. So i went to see the womans liquid that come from when they aroused and when they orgasm, which ngl is trully a turn off for me. Does this point towards gay if i dont like the liquid that comes from a woman vagina, is really a turn off for me, while the same liquid from the man i dont feel anything, while transwoman arouses me

    And the i went to see a dude jacking off and tryid to fantasize about doing a bj to him, and i get even stronger tingles than before

    and this is bothering me too much, bc it seems im feeling disgusted by woman day by day, and maybe getting aroused by man each day, i dont know

    i just want clarification, why there are days where woman are completely arousing, and days where man get me tingles everytime
     
    #39 Sadness, Oct 27, 2022
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 29, 2022
  20. Chip

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    Until your OCD is completely under control, you can't even think about the rest of it.