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OCD or something else?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Dunlop55, Oct 3, 2022.

  1. Dunlop55

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    Hello
    This is my first time posting here have looked on this website a lot trying to figure myself out and reading other people’s experiences.
    I’m not going to tell my whole life story with OCD as its similars with everyone else’s but I am in my late 20s and have had this theme of worrying am I gay for a number of years. Iv been through everything everyone else has that has posted the same question.

    The thing bothering me most or has kept me in a loop is while masturbating I would test myself I could look at porn and if I seen a bj scene in straight porn I would get a sensation in mouth and it like triggered my ejaculation it bothered me so so much as to why it happened as I always felt that was my biggest fear was to give a bj but why would it make me ejaculate
    A new test Iv started doing lately is watching trans porn where the trans woman is getting a man to give them a bj. The porn itself watching it or the thoughts do not give me an erection or turn me on but if I try masturbating flaccid to it I can get myself to ejaculation very fast even though I would not be erect or aroused?

    This is really bothering me I’m on meds the last few years for ocd this last year my therapist has been out of work due to illness so I haven’t spoke to anybody in over a year.

    Do I have ocd or am I subconsciously liking this stuff if it causes me to ejaculate? I don’t understand if I’m afraid or don’t like something it would cause ejaculation?
     
  2. Chip

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    Short answer: It's OCD.
     
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  3. Sadness

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    Sup bro

    Ocd is really hard to deal with, i have been on that for years and i did everything you did

    What you feel isnt actually arousal, tingles dont mean anything

    And trans woman are woman, even if they have a penis

    My most arousing fantasy now is probably transwoman, and doing a bj to her arouses me a lot, even though its not the same with guys

    maybe bc i watched too much porn in my life, do you watch tons and tons of porn? Its really bad for healthy and ocd, it only makes it worse
     
  4. Dunlop55

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    Thanks for taking the time to reply I really appreciate it.

    Would none of this suggest that I have any attraction to this if I can ejaculate to it? I just find it odd I can ejaculate faster and easier from this stuff but not feel aroused or able to get erect? I tried looking at gay porn or trans porn without touching myself and even touching myself and I can’t get erect at all but could ejaculate flaccid really fast if I tried masturbating?

    My questions probably seem stupid but I havnt been heard by anyone in over a year and I really appreciate your reply
     
  5. Aeolia

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    yeah, as Chip said

    you aren't the first lad with OCD that's come around, so if it can be reassuring in any way: you're not alone in this.

    first thing first, you should try to see another therapist for now, at least for as long as your regular one is sick. they could help you tone it down.
    this kind of self-testing is pointless as you're gonna obsess over every little detail that don't actually hold any meaning and you're gonna test again just to be sure, and again and again.
    I'm sure you know how the whole thing works if you've been having OCD for a while, that's the same.
     
  6. Dunlop55

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    Thank you for your reply appreciate it.

    Iv gone through everything else groinal response and all that literally everything it’s this ejaculating thing that keeps me worried. I think it’s because I get a sensation in my mouth if I see a bj scene I’ll focus on that and ejaculate. I do get worried sometimes that for a split second my mind will feel like I enjoy it? But it honestly feels awful I know I don’t like it at all Iv even started to develop some twitches if I have intrusive thoughts now.

    As for the trans women I believe people can do as they wish or as they feel but for me personally and I’m not discriminating anyone I associate a penis with a male and even seeing it on a trans woman it doesn’t feel right to me or attractive but that is my preference alone.

    As for porn I never thought of myself as a massive user I suppose the last few years I’d watch maybe 5 times a week but I’d have to watch atleast straight porn so I could test by seeing a penis or a bj scene to test my ejaculation aswell as being aroused looking at women. Iv created so many tests at this stage it’s madness
     
  7. Dunlop55

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    Thank you for your reply

    I guess I came on here because it’s fine posting this on a OCD forum or website they will tell you it’s ocd it’s like I needed to ask people who were gay or bi or liked trans to see if what I have isn’t ocd.

    Like I said it’s the whole ejaculating to seeing an oral scene while masturbating flaccid and ejaculating very fast is what is bothering me. I don’t know is it anxiety because I am on meds but I know I don’t enjoy it’s and it’s very distressing.
     
  8. quebec

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    Dunlop.....Just so you know that I do have some experience with this problem. I am gay and I have OCD. My OCD is diagnosed by a psychiatrist and a therapist. I take medication to help control it and have worked with my therapist to develop tools to help deal with it when it becomes difficult. What you are dealing with is OCD. OCD can not cause you to be gay or straight. It has nothing to do with your sexuality. Let me say that again...OCD has nothing to do with your sexuality. Any "feeling" that you have in your mouth or anywhere else has nothing to do with OCD. If your therapist is not going to be available, then you need to find another one soon. Please check the information that they publish concerning their practice and be sure that they list working with clients with OCD.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  9. Dunlop55

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    Thanks for replying

    So do you think the sensations and everything else happens is because I enjoy it some how if it’s not caused by ocd? Does it sound like this is ocd or just in denial?
     
  10. Aeolia

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    tbh the reactions like coming flaccid and the sensation in your mouth, they don't really mean anything by themselves.
    also tons of things can cause ejaculation, even mechanically

    if you indeed are gay, those are not "proofs" of it. Cause they both can be caused by many many things. They are there, I'm not calling you a liar, but they may have nothing to do with your orientation.
    you should talk about it to your therapist, if you believe them to be safe, they could help you actually figure this whole thing out. but the testing, knowing you have OCD, may just end up making you suffer because you're gonna over-interpret every little things.
     
  11. quebec

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    Dunlop.....As Chip said and as I have said...It is OCD! What you are experiencing may or may not have anything to do with your sexuality. Talking to a therapist would help you work that out...so see one as soon as you can. But what you are describing is typical OCD.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  12. Chip

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    Here's the thing: The nature of OCD is it literally hijacks the brain. I used an analogy with someone else that's applicable: You and I are walking down the street. We come to a lot. On that lot, you see a 3 story house, fully finished, with trees in front. But there's no house there at all. Your brain is tricking you. I walk onto the lot, right on top of where the house is supposed to be. But even though you see me standing in the middle of the house, you still can't understand that the house isn't there. I line up 50 people to stand on the sidewalk, and each of them tells you there's no house there. Each of them walks onto the property. You walk onto the property yourself, and there's no house to walk into. Yet you are still absolutely convinced the house is there.

    That's OCD.

    And no amout of anyone telling you that you aren't gay, that it's OCD will make any difference.

    In cases like this, you need medication and a therapist that specializes in OCD.
     
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  13. Dunlop55

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    Thanks again for the reply

    I just don’t tell myself it’s ocd if something like I described happens I think it must mean something it’s has to mean something or this wouldn’t happen unless I was gay or bi or attracted or something. Even though Iv been diagnosed with ocd and know I have it it doesn’t feel like I have it or believe I have it it’s like I doubt my own diagnosis.

    Do you think that I could be gay or bi or have some sort of attraction if those things I describe happen to me? Or am I just straight with ocd ?
     
  14. Chip

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    This. Is. OCD.
     
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  15. quebec

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    Dunlop.....I live with this everyday of my life. I am fortunate that it's pretty much under control with medication and therapy. No matter how many questions you ask about it it will not change. You have OCD. You need to accept that and work with a therapist to learn how to handle it. You need to talk to a doctor who knows how to deal with OCD and get the right medications. Be thankful that OCD can be controlled with meds and therapy. The sooner you take those steps the sooner you will be able to live a normal life. However, no matter what you think, it will not go away by itself. Untreated OCD only gets worse and there is no doubt that you do have OCD.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  16. Blade118

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    hi Quebec,

    i am slightly confused by your comment and hopefully you can help me understand.

    You say what he is experiencing may or may not have to do with sexuality but my therapist told me ocd of a sexual orientation isn’t denial or same sex attraction.

    Even the therapists said someone with ocd of a harm nature isn’t a killer, someone with ocd of sexual thoughts about kids isn’t a pedoohile so wouldn’t I be right in saying ocd of a homosexual nature means someone isn’t gay.

    i am so confused and sorry if I am misunderstanding things as I struggle alot with this.

    when you say may be something do with sexuality are you saying they his could mean someone is Gay as you have said to me before OCD of a sexual orientation like this is not same sex attraction and is false.

    i am so confused
     
  17. Dunlop55

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    Do you think I could actually be gay or bi or some sort of same sex desires but also have ocd about it?

    As blade said my therapist told me the same thing that I’m not gay or bi and that I am straight and that it’s just ocd?
     
  18. Chip

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    For at least the 5th or 6th time this thread.

    This. is. OCD.

    Nothing more or less.

    You aren't gay or bi.
     
    #18 Chip, Oct 18, 2022
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2022
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  19. quebec

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    Dunlop....I'm completely with Chip here. You have OCD. Deal with it, then deal with whatever else you need to, but take care of the OCD.
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  20. Dunlop55

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    Hi again
    Sorry for coming back I was doing very well the last few weeks up until a couple of days ago I started obsessing again and testing.
    I’m still worried about the ejaculating thing like why can I ejaculate to an image or thought of giving a bj very quickly even though I am not aroused or have an erection? I try to replicate it by thinking of something like a tree but it takes more effort and force the gay thing doesn’t seem like I have to force the ejaculation but I don’t have an erection? And watching it alone or thinking of it doesn’t get me erect or aroused but why would it make me ejaculate? I really need to know what it is does it mean I’m just very in denial or something?