Trying to figure out if I am non-binary

I recently started wondering if I might be non-binary. I've been thinking about this a lot more over the last month, but I'm not anywhere close to sure yet. I tend to obsess over things like this, but for some reason I get the feeling that I won't have as much trouble with this as I have with my sexual orientation. Not sure if that will be the case, but I just feel less anxious about this somehow, maybe just because I've already been through something similar with my sexuality.

There still some anxieties and doubts though. I know it's sort of an umbrella term, but I feel like I still have a lot to learn exactly what it means to be non-binary. Unfortunately, I think I also have a lot to unlearn. I used to be have quite bit of prejudice surrounding transgender and non-binary people and issues. I think a lot of this may still exist in one way or another, and I feel like I'm kind of a shitty person for that. I think I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it in a lot of ways. Even if I know someone is non-binary I have a difficult time with that concept. As an example, my friend recently told me they are non-binary. They explained to me the reasons they are, they told me that they want use they/them and I understand all of that and I try my best to do so. I still mess up a lot and I still have trouble not thinking of them as him, or as a man. This makes me feel like a bad person and an awful friend. The last thing I want is to hurt someone I'm so close to.

Even if it turns out I'm non-binary, I think I'll have a difficult time thinking of myself as anything but a man, maybe that means I am just a man. I never really put much serious thought into my gender before my friend came out. It just wasn't really something on my radar. Even until a few years ago I thought it was a little weird. Sometimes I feel like I'm just jumping on the bandwagon because ever since then, I was ok with non-binary people, but I didn't really get it and it always seemed like a "them and not me" thing until my friend came out. Now that I'm starting to understand it a little more it seems to be resonating with me in some ways. I still have a lot to learn, and a lot of thinking to do. I've been feeling a little strange about myself lately, even before this started. I sometimes feel like I'm having some sort of weird identity crisis, but I'm trying not to get too anxious about all this, it can be difficult for me though lol.

 

Thanks! I know it's ok, I'm just worried that it will be hard for me to get used to. It's not automatic for me yet, but I really hope I get there. I feel like I still have to put a lot of effort into remembering to use the correct pronouns. When it comes to me trying out other identities/pronouns I don't really want anyone to know about this yet and I feel like I'd be appropriating something that isn't really meant for me.