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Venting a bit.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Rayland, Oct 1, 2022.

  1. Rayland

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    I wish my psychiatrist had shorter waiting times and I wasn't at a waiting list to see a psychologist for this long and that I would have people in real life to talk about it all. I should be happy, that I'm at a waiting list at all and have acess to therapy and get to take medication for my anxiety and depression. I feel like I would need to see therapist every day though. This is how bad my mental state is.
     
  2. Aelin56

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    Maybe you could look for a (LGBT) support group in your area, or a support group online? That way you would be able to talk about your problems more often than once a week with a therapist.

    Since your mental state is so bad, maybe your medication doesn't work well enough. You can try asking your psychiatrist to change it.
     
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  3. Rayland

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    Thank you. Unfortunately there is no support groups in my city. I might try online support groups though. I just get really anxious, when I need to contact other support groups and tell them my worries and I will talk about this all to my psychiatrist next time I see him, so maybe he will write me something else. I can only take smaller dose of my current medication, because larger dose starts giving me side effects. It has helped me a lot with anxiety.
     
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  4. mnguy

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    I'm sorry it takes so long for your appointment, feeling alone and you've been struggling. I really hope a med change will help you feel at ease and any resources can be of some help. Hang in there and I appreciate you and the work you do here, fwiw
     
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  5. Cinnamoon

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    I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling so much. Please keep the help you have, I know you will be be totally honest about how you're feeling, maybe write some of your feelings down every day to keep a log you can share with your psychiatrist and therapist when you get one. You're always a delight to talk to and spend so much of your time helping others, you deserve to feel okay in yourself too
     
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  6. Rayland

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    Thank you both @Cinnamoon and @mnguy I really appreciate it a lot. You guys always manage to make me feel better, even though you guys have your own struggles and worries.

    I just have been feeling, like I'm in a witches circle (we have a saying like this, it means in an endless loop), unable to break out of this loop of depression. When I'm out and about I can get very emotional fast and feel like others can tell I'm depressed. In university I'm communicating with my classmates, but I feel like they want to get to know me more and talk to me, but I'm building like a wall between. One guy keeps staring at me and it makes me very self concious and get anxious and shy to approach and try and talk to him more. I feel like it's a path, before transitioning and no one will remember me anyway once I have transitioned, so there is no point in creating deep bonds, just to end up getting hurt, if they don't accept it. Kinda feel like dissapearing after university, moving away and create a blank slate, a new begginning of sorts, but it's scary and I don't want to hurt anybody with this and I get lonely easilly. I need to resolve things going on currently, before I can even think of doing it.
     
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  7. Cinnamoon

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    It's a good sign they want to get to know you more. I know it's scary being vulnerable but some people are worth it. You don't have to tell them everything, but you don't have to build walls either. If there are people you get on with, maybe just spend some time with them if you want to. Think about the present, not the future. Much easier said than done but you're hurting yourself here much more than you're hurting anybody else.
     
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  8. Rayland

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    Maybe you're right and I shouldn't focus on the future so much and just live at the present more. It's also true, that it's not easy not to think of the future and I'm just hurting myself with it all, while trying to avoid getting hurt. It's hard to let go of this mentality.
     
  9. Rayland

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    I got a reminder, that my psychiatrist appoitment is at the 5th, so I will talk about my depression and maybe he will write me something new and tell about, that I haven't received another call about a psychologist appoitment. I freeze up, whenever I need to tell about my worries to someone. I hope I can express my concerns well. I also really want a transgender diagnosis too, withouth this diagnose it's impossible to get to the committe to actually get on T in the future. We have also a rule, when we need to have known and seen a psychiatrist for at least 2 years. I think I'm good, because I told I have known since kindergarten. I wish that just psychiatric evaluation could be enough for this. Why do some silly commitee get to decide over your body, who are following the old rules, what haven't been changed for a lifetime and who have no idea how this all feels like and to who dysphoria is a requirement?
     
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  10. Cinnamoon

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    It can feel so unfair the way things work sometimes but you're doing everything you can right now and that's all you can do. Maybe write down some points to talk to your psychiatrist about to take to your appointment with you? I often find I plan conversations out so well in my head before becoming an incoherent mess in the moment, not saying you're the same but for me it's definitely easier to write things down first so I really know what I want to say.
     
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  11. Rayland

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    I think I will do that. I came out to him, by handing him a note about me being transgender, so this is definetly easier.
     
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  12. mnguy

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    Hey how are you hanging in there? Great to see you have an appointment very soon!
     
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  13. Rayland

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    Thank you. I'm actually doing better after getting to vent and knowing my appointment is approaching. I'm glad I get the reminders on my phone, otherwise I would just forget about it. I want to try and ask about the transgender diagnosis again, because last time he just ignored it. I feel like it's going to be difficult to get it and he may want me to see a psychologist first, before giving me a diagnosis. Thinking about getting this diagnosis is calming me down, because this is something I can actually do right now to get a step closer to where I wish to get.
     
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  14. Mihael

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    Idk why trans people get treated like that

    I hope everything goes well with the appointment, it's soon. If it's 5th of October, obviously.
     
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  15. Rayland

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    I hope it gets better someday in the future.

    Thank you. I hope so too. Yeah, it's on the 5th of October.
     
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  16. Rayland

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    He wrote me a new medication and told me that he looks into the psychologist about how far back I am. How it works is, if one appointment time wont be suitable, then you fall back, so others come in front and it was like I suspected, that he wants me to see psychologist first, before giving me a diagnosis. I wish I could have talked more, these appointments are maybe most 10-15 minutes long and I usually feel rushed, but I did tell that I feel like my depression is getting worse, so hopefully new medication helps.
     
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