I'm so tired of being gay

Oh yes, everyone has passed me by in those ways and still alone, like you, I crushed on lots of "straight" people. Some you like are into girls too, they keep a guy around to appear acceptable for some. You have done the much harder things with coming out and being true to yourself which takes a lot of guts I think. Stay proud if you can and happy weekend too!

 

Its great that you've come out to so many but you don't have to announce your sexuality to everyone. You can live openly by just living your life.

 

That’s a common feeling gay people have. I didn’t date girls until I was 25 even though I knew I was gay at 19. I was so scared. Now I have a wife and we still get weird looks in public. People don’t know how to react to us being together. It’s still not easy to be gay, but I am so lucky and HAPPY to have my amazing wife in my life. That’s what being gay is about: being in love!
We got together “later” in life. I was 25 and she was 34. My point is that because you are gay, things like relationships won’t come to you in a traditional way. That used to bother me, too. I also prefer for things around me to look perfect. You’ll get used to doing things differently though. You may not have a prom date, but you’ll find the love of your life eventually, although it will probably take longer. In my case, I didn’t date ANYONE until I met my wife and we hit it off. Meanwhile, my straight friends had been dating boys since middle school. I felt so left out during that time, but now I’m happily married to my *amazing* wife and most of them are still single or dealing with f boys. I ended up better in the long-run. Don’t give up girl! Your girl is out there and she will come to you in due time (even if that timeline is different from that of your straight friends.)

 

I think I have similar feeling. I am 30 years old and I never kissed a woman.
I have only flirted with men and had one boyfriend. I am usually more attracted to women than men.
Sorry my English ^^

 

You'll find your someone. I'm gay too, and relate to almost everything you've said. Except being in love with guys, even gay guys, can be just as heartbreaking unfortunately. I've found male gay culture to be so hypersexualised that it makes me feel like love is something that I shouldn't even be allowed to feel. Even with other guys who are into guys, I've been heartbroken and rejected so many times because quantity usually matters over me. Bit of a rant of my own there I'm sorry, but you're definitely not alone in feeling alone.

I'm also kind of scared to come out. Some of my family knows, and some of my online friends know, but I don't have any in person friends to come out to, and when I was in school they were either religious or kind of closed minded so I never came out to them either. I'd love to come out to my last remaining grandparent, who's well into her 80s, but honestly being as single and lonely as I am, sometimes I wonder if telling my family about my sexuality will make any difference at all. A part of me has been waiting to enter some kind of relationship so I have a reason to tell my nan I'm gay, but honestly I don't know if that's ever going to happen at this point. I'm tired of falling for people who don't know I exist myself.

So you're not alone at all. This forum is always here, people like you and me are out there. Being gay does make it harder, whatever your gender. I guess personally I feel like the male gay world can be especially cruel, but that might just be my experience of things and not actually true. I'm so sorry though, I know that almost physical pain of loneliness all too well. The feeling that nothing will ever change, nobody will ever care back the same way you care about them. That you're never going to be someone's first choice. I believe both you and me will find our person, unfortunately it's not an easy journey there though.

But hey, I'm 24.5 so you've got two years on me. Who knows, by the time you're my age you might be in the perfect relationship, you seem like a kind and caring person so I don't see any reason why not =P

And if you're not, you're not. That's okay too. Other people should be a bonus, not the missing parts of ourselves, as romantic as that ideal might seem. We need to be okay alone before we can find a balanced relationship. And relationships take time, and effort, and heartache. Sorry I'm lecturing, and being patronising, and rambling, but this kind of loneliness hits so close to home for me that it's hard not to.

 

That's okay! Being optimistic isn't always easy of course, but I try.

To be honest, as much as I'd like to be cared for that way too, I could use some stronger friendships myself first. I chat to a few people, but I'm still not totally used to the idea of having friends. But someone told me recently that they wish they'd focused more on having friends in their 20s than on having just one partner. Obviously different kinds of relationships work for different people, but I can see what they mean. I know what you mean about trying to be kind and focusing on a goal though. I don't know exactly what I want to do with my life, but I do know I want to do something that helps people. And part of the reason I like this site is that offering other people support, as useless as it may be at times, makes me feel better too.

And yeah that makes total sense. Friends are important too, personal growth with or without people is so important, and I think kindness and giving back are so important and often underrated things too.

I'm sorry you don't have many people you can talk to about it. As useless as I can be, I hope me and others here have helped you a bit! But just because your best friend has found someone, it doesn't mean she won't know what it's like to be alone. If you don't feel comfortable talking to her there are always people you can talk to here, but even if she doesn't understand directly what it's like, and she might, if she cares about you as a friend which it sounds like she definitely does then she will be there to listen and support you at least.

I wish I had more LGBTQ+ friends too. I have people I get on with and chat to, but I find it hard to put myself out there and it's difficult not to put some kind of walls up between me and other people. I think the lack of friends makes me more lonely than the lack of a partner, although don't get me wrong I'd love both.

Sorry for talking about myself so much! I guess maybe sharing my experience will hopefully let you know what it's like for someone else going through something similar, if that makes sense.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. I understand a bit of how you're feeling; about perpetually having to come out to people in order to live an honest, open life. Though coming out sometimes gets easier with time, it can also become more stressful and anxiety-inducing, especially when you don't know what kind of reply to expect.

It's okay if you just need to vent--EC is here to help everyone work through their feelings and to allow others to help give insight when it's needed. But sometimes it's equally as important to get those feelings off our chest sans advice. So all I will say is this: don't give up hope. It might seem hopeless, it might seem like you'll never have someone or that you're lagging behind everyone else, but you will and you aren't; there's no set time in which we're all meant to find our partners, or have kids, or have a stable career, or any of that--these things are as varied as we are. You're in competition with no one else, and nor do your experiences and goals need to mirror others'.

Just focus on you and what makes you happy.

 

It's doable like you said with meaning, healthy connections and solid mental health. The meaning and connections usually boost mental health, unless one is so far down and leaving home is a struggle. It can be super tough. Not a pro, just my experience how one thing can compound on the other and be such a heavy burden. Sounds like you're going in the right direction and with all that activity you'll likely meet some great people!