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Coming out / dating whilst living at home

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LostInDaydreams, Jun 5, 2022.

  1. LostInDaydreams

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    Hi all :slight_smile:

    I hope that you’re all doing well. I’m just sharing this to see if anyone has any thoughts or bright ideas…

    So, my daughter and I currently live with my mum and stepdad, which is not ideal but is for financial reasons that won’t change in the immediate future.

    I’ve recently started seeing somebody, who is fully out and lives alone. It’s very early days, so in normal circumstances I wouldn’t even be mentioning it to my parents yet, but they’ve obviously noticed me going out of the house more than usual. From what they’ve said in passing, it’s clear that they don’t fully believe all the explanations of where I’m going that I’ve provided. I’m in my mid-30s for context, so I don’t need permission to leave the house, but they do like to know where I am.

    To make my life easier, I think I should let them know that I’m getting to know somebody, which won’t be an issue in of itself. I was also planning to say that it’s very early days and they don’t need to know any details about this person yet. I could use gender neutral terms, but they will assume that I am getting to know a guy anyway. The woman that I am getting to know does not mind what I tell them at this point, but has said that she doesn’t want them to be under the impression that she’s a guy.

    So, my plan is to say that I’m getting to know somebody and follow it with something along the lines of “just so you know, the person I’m getting to know is a woman”. My stepdad can be a bit homophobic (mainly towards gay/bi men), but I don’t anticipate a significantly negative reaction from my mum, though I appreciate it might be a surprise and take some time to process. I was planning on telling my mum first (at a time when both my stepdad and daughter are not at home) and going from there.

    Just to add, I don’t believe that we would be thrown out of the house or that I would be in danger in another way.

    Any thoughts, ideas, etc. appreciated :slight_smile:
     
  2. chicodeoro

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    Hi LostInDaydreams! Sorry I may have missed one of your previous posts on this - are you not out to your parents at all? What about your daughter?
     
  3. LostInDaydreams

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    Sorry, crucial missing info there. :grin:

    No, I am not out to them at all. There were other valid reasons for leaving my ex that were more pressing at the time, so they don’t know.

    My daughter does not know either, but she is only eight and I’ve previously explained pride to her in terms she would understand, so I don’t foresee any issues there. I won’t be telling my daughter that I’m seeing anyone or introducing her for a several months yet, so that’s not a pressing issue at the moment. Though, my parents will also need to keep it a secret from her for the time being.

    Thanks for your reply. :slight_smile:
     
    #3 LostInDaydreams, Jun 5, 2022
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2022
  4. PatrickUK

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    I actually think your plan is sound. Ideally, tell your mum first and then tell your step-dad (unless you are content for your mum to mention it to him). When it comes to your daughter, I think that's a matter for you to decide.

    Using gender neutral terms could prove to be difficult as you measure every sentence before speaking. I would be inclined to go with the plan of telling them straight up that it's another woman.
     
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  5. LostInDaydreams

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    Thanks, Patrick. I appreciate that. :slight_smile:
     
  6. chicodeoro

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    Yes, one at a time sounds like a good move.

    Good luck- let us know how you get on!

    Beth x
     
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  7. LostInDaydreams

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    Thank you @chicodeoro. :slight_smile:

    So, I told my mum and it was fine! She even said that she would probably date women if she had her time again (which I think was a joke).

    She’s advised not to say anything to my stepdad for now, but says that he’ll be fine. I’ve changed my status to “out to everyone” regardless, because I don’t really care who finds out now. Haha.

    Happy pride month all! :grin:
     
    #7 LostInDaydreams, Jun 6, 2022
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2022
  8. TinyWerewolf

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    Congratulations!! I'm glad it went so well!
     
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  9. LostInDaydreams

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    Thank you. Me too! :slight_smile:
     
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  10. Rayland

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    Congratulations! :slight_smile:
     
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  11. chicodeoro

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    Great news!
     
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  12. silverhalo

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    Oh wow this is awesome news :grin:
     
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  13. LostInDaydreams

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    Thank you all. :slight_smile:
     
  14. Nealg

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    Good for you! I know that took courage. I wish I had some.
     
  15. LostInDaydreams

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    Thank you and I’m sure that you will get there when you are ready.

    A little update, my stepdad has now known for a few weeks and is fine with it, so all is good there.
     
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  16. Elli7

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    Hi, I am glad everything went well, I hope you will be very happy :slight_smile:
     
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  17. Prisma

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    Wow! I'm so happy it went well!
     
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  18. Nealg

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    That’s great!
     
  19. LostInDaydreams

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    Thank you :slight_smile:
     
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