So I’m gay, but I’m only out to a select few people. I met a friend at work who is also gay and who I had a secret crush on. We got on very well as friends and would often chat and meet up outside of work. We would go for walks, listen to music, make food together etc. From the start of our friendship she would always take a while to reply to messages (a few days to a week max), and the odd occasion a few weeks. She’d always apologise and say she gets overwhelmed easily when a few people have messaged her and it causes her anxiety. Meeting up has always been a 50/50 thing and we’ve always had a lovely time together. She is in a long distance relationship for a few years, and throughout our friendship she’s never really mentioned her girlfriend apart from the odd comment here and there. The only time she mentioned her properly was a few months ago when she was telling me she wasn’t happy in her relationship and her girlfriend is extremely neglectful both physically and emotionally and she wasn’t sure what to do. I obviously being a friend gave her advice and from that point on she never really mentioned her girlfriend apart from saying their relationship was improving. I myself am in a LTR with a man, but I never brought this up with her ever because most of our chats were Baer around LGBT and I guess I just wanted a friendship and time where I could be myself and think freely without comments about my partner. Also, I dropped out of college a few months back due to mental health reasons but I never told her and she’s asked a few times about how it’s going and I pretended it’s all going well. I guess I’m ashamed of quitting something. If you look back to previous threads on my account I explained that a few times I wondered if she had feelings for me or something. For example after meeting, when we’d say goodbye she’d always hug me and we’d linger after speaking just looking at each other and on several occasions I had a feeling she wanted to kiss me but I never did anything back. She’d sometimes compliment me in a way a platonic friend wouldn’t and the atmosphere together felt very different. I’ve always thought that if she was drunk she’d make a move on me no doubt. Anyway, she last spoke to me and replied to my message 1.5 months ago. My last message was updating her on some of my life and asking her a few questions etc. About 2 weeks ago I sent her another message just checking to see if she was ok. She never read my message. We are still mutuals on all social medias but I just have no idea why she hasn’t replied. I don’t know if somethings gone on in her life, if I’ve upset her or something. I don’t know if she now somehow knows about me not disclosing about my partner or not telling her I dropped out of college and that’s why she’s stopped talking to me? But I keep a lot of my life private anyway so for her to find out any of that information she’d have to have been looking a lot for it. I don’t know if I’m just thinking of any reason why she’s stopped talking to me and it’s maybe nothing I’ve done? I’ve always tried to be a good friend to her. I care a lot about her and I just hope I haven’t upset her somehow. I’ve combed through every message I’ve sent her to see if there’s any reason why I’ve upset her and I can’t find anything. And no, I’m 95% sure she hasn’t found out about my crush on her. She does work with a mutual friend who knows about my crush (I told her on a drunk message about a year ago), so unless the mutual friend has somehow said I’ve got a crush on her? But still, why would she keep me as a friend on all social media? Wouldn’t she be freaked out by that?
Possible reasons for ghosting me: 1) she’s found out I’m in a LTR with a man and she’s annoyed I never told her (though there’s no trace of this relationship on social media) and the only person that would tell her that information is the mutual friend 2) she’s found out I don’t go to college anymore and upset I pretended it’s all going well when I don’t go there anymore (this would be very difficult to find out, she’d have to directly go to the college and ask if I’m enrolled there which she wouldn’t find out because that’s a breach of confidentiality) 3) she’s found out from the mutual friend that I had a crush on her. This isn’t impossible, but if say she stopped replying to create some distance between us or she felt it was wrong to keep our friendship if I have a crush, why would she keep me on social media and not unfriend me? 4) she has something going on in her life/ she’s overwhelmed and anxious and doesn’t want to reply for the time being.
Hey it is hard to know why she has ghosted you, it could be any of those reasons or it could be that she does also like you and doesnt feel like she can keep seeing you whilst trying to work on her long distance relationship with her girlfriend. From what you have said though it sounds like you know that even though it is unlikely that she has found out about your relationship or that you have dropped out of college these are things that she might well get upset about. Try not to over analyse everything unless she tells you what is going on it is impossible to know.
Similar thing happened with me. Your story is almost exactly the same as mine. I got ghosted originally and then kept reaching out. Finally I got one last message and then my number was blocked. I was crushed. Looking back at everything, I think she was going through a lot of emotional stuff and even though she liked me and “had a crush on me” she was still getting over her previous relationship. So maybe with this gal you like, she might be emotionally processing everything and still trying to understand her current relationship with her partner. Give it time and she might come around again if she sees what she missed out on with you. But I recommend not dwelling on her and letting her go so you can heal. If she comes around it will be at the right time.
