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Maybe i should change meds again or find someone else

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Sadness, Jun 29, 2022.

  1. Sadness

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    I think that maybe i should change my medicines again. I’ve been taking them for a while now, probably 6 months?

    although it did work and it seems that is helping great, i still sometimes find it hard to control myself

    I’m alone now and because of it i’ve been feeling pretty lonely lately.

    and feeling alone seems to open a door for my obsession to arise again

    this last week i tested a lot, watched gay porn stuff, fantasies tests too

    and find that the feelings didnt go away

    i still feel tingling and sometimes do get harder, not fully though

    not just that but i was consumed by a feeling that i’m just lying to myself

    Maybe i’ll find someone else, or will try to download a gay encounter app and go have sex with a guy to see what it happens, maybe then i can finally stop wasting my money on meds that doesnt work
     
  2. Chip

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    Don't download an app. That won't solve your problem. I can absolutely, positively, 100% guarantee you that it will not magically solve the problem, any more than masturbating 10,000 times to different types of porn or fantasies will solve the problem.

    I have thought for a long time you needed a different psychiatrist and an actual therapist. Most psychiatrists do not have the same level of training that therapist have with doing therapy. They are medical doctors with some training in therapy.

    It does not sound like your psychiatrist is really taking the time to listen to you, hear your symptoms, and work with you on medication. You need that, and you need a *competent* therapist who specializes in OCD.

    You deserve so much more than living in the daily stress and struggle. Go advocate for yourself.
     
  3. Sadness

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    He is a good man, he is old and very responsible, he treated me very well, and is good to talk to him about my problems. He listens and try to make me think about it from other perspective, which tend to clarify some of my problems and obsessions

    But maybe he is not the best to deal with ocd, and I don’t judge him.

    a lot of times i think the problem is actually me, not him

    because even after all the work we did i still get to those tests, like i just tossed at the trash all the work we did

    Im constantly putting myself on situations where i should proof what im feeling, most times when i see a girl

    so am i the problem? Dont really know
     
  4. Chip

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    You are never the problem. Ineffective treatment, even from a nice person, is the problem.
     
  5. Sadness

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    He’s not expert on this subject, and thats okay. I think i will likely see someone who’s specialized on OCD to have a different treatment.

    but would h be able to answer my weird questions? Like how can porn affect me on my fantasies and my lost of interest in woman

    or even the reason when i fantasize about doing a bj to a men i get the continuous tingling and feeling i’ll get hard, even tho i dont get tottally most of the times, and when i do the same with transwoman i get a instant arousal.

    Would this be bc i dont like men and i am used to fantasize about doing to transwoman and thats why i feel the tingling? Or if its because i have not accepted this fantasy yet, like i was suppressing the arousal

    would he be able to answer it, or is this too weird to ask? He may think i’m just denying myself maybe..
     
  6. Sadness

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    This is something i’ve already talked to my psychiatrist but I can’t find a way to face it

    how do i lose my fear of dates, or any relationship with girls?

    like, i’ve already kissed girls before, and i remember getting aroused and it even became a fantasy for a whole week, but what i fear is

    I don’t know if what i felt is what i should feel, I don’t know if what i felt is what straight guys would feel while kissing girls

    and this creates a mental block that im afraid of kissing, or even dating girls, going on dates

    Im barely talking to any girl because i fear so much i wont like

    What should i do?

    should i go to dates either way? Or try go out with a guy? But it doesn’t seem right

    i wish i was able to ask a girl out and kiss them, have a fun time but im anxious lol
     
  7. Chip

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    The fear you are describing is something dealt with in therapy. I know you said your psychiatrist does therapy, but in my experience, psychiatrists are almost never as good at therapy as therapists, for the simple reason that therapists are specifically trained in therapy and in dealing with the issues you are facing from a therapy (non-drug) perspective. Psychiatrists are medical doctors trained in diseases of the brain. They get some training in therapy, but nowhere near as much as therapists do.

    It's worth just putting yourself out there but getting therapy -- and the right meds -- will make an enormous difference.
     
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  8. Sadness

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    What tou mean by that is that i should go out in dates with girls even being kind afraid, so i could ‘lose’ the fear of it?

    but should i go to a therapist before?

    i know that facing my fears is the answer to lose fear of something, but what if i try and just get worse than before

    Im so stupid, why am i anxious about a silly date?

    i feel so stupid
     
  9. Sadness

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    So… long time no see lol

    How do i know my meds are really making a difference in my life, ir really helping me?

    im asking this because my meds ended and i had a problem for a whole week and wasnt able to grab my meds again

    so i stayed a whole week without meds, i thought i was going to go nuts

    but it was the quite opposite, it turned out i didnt notice a single difference in anything without meds for a whole week

    I did some mental tests where i had sex with guys, and felt the same, a weird tingling, the uncomfortable sexual responses, got somewhat hard sometimes, but managed to ignore all of this
    My friend just touched my leg for a millisecond and i got a weird and uncomfotable feeling, my penis got kind bigger bc of this, wtf lol

    but this things i do feel even while taking meds so it didnt change

    what i surely notice difference was that i was somewhat disgusted by woman, couldnt think about them, managed to fantasize and masturbate to them

    but felt a really bad feeling while doing all the time like disgust maybe? Or like something was blocking me

    that was the only difference

    so what is my meds really helping with? I think im wasting money, it didnt changed anything while i was a week without taking it LOL
     
  10. Chip

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    It depends a lot on the specific meds.

    Some have a long enough half-life and method of action that conceivably you could still be feeling effects after a week of no meds.

    Alternatvely, there could be some placebo effect.

    And it's also possible - and probable - that you don't have the right medication combination yet.
     
  11. Sadness

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    Been having a bad time with my fantasies

    again i got so obsessed that i would like to give a bj to a guy because id i fantasize about doing the same thing to a transwoman i get very aroused

    so i keep trying to fantasize about this, and sometimes i do get sexual responses from it

    but some time ago i would try to fantasize and wouldnt feel anything

    But a lot of times that i feel something is because a flash of porn cross my mind and take the fantasy place

    i know this doesnt make me gay, bc last month i would think about it and wouldnt feel arousal

    but doing to a transwoman is very arousing, even tho its not like this in real life

    and i dont know why i feel aroused by this

    and why i get aroused by womans vaginas but have a bad feeling in my stomach

    tried to talk about this with my psychiatrist, but i dont think i got a answer that satisfied me
     
  12. Chip

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    Change psychiatrists. We've been saying that for months.
     
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  13. Sadness

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    I dont think i need to change my psychiatrist since he only prescribe my medicines, i think i need to find a new therapist, i had one those last 2 months but he wasnt a ocd specialist, maybe thats what i need

    i noticed that weirdly my obsessions my desire to test got worse once i started taking my meds again.

    maybe this was really the issue with not taking the meds for a week

    and my responses are stronger now, i get a lot of tingles and get hard weirdly more now, it wasn’t like this some time ago
     
  14. Chip

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    You *definitely* need an OCD specialist. The reason I suggested considering a different psychiatrist is that, for as long as you've been here, it doesn't seem like your OCD has ever fully been under control, and prescribing medication for OCD is as much art as science, and five different psychiatrists might try five different approaches to managing it. You're still suffering for as long as it's been (a year or two?) and that doesn't seem right to me, which is why I'm suggesting you might want to consider it.

    As far as a therapist... yes, finding an OCD specialist should have happened a year ago.
     
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  15. Aeolia

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    dude, change your psychiatrist. Your actual one is probably really nice and knows about a lot of stuff and all, but you need a specialist.

    Meds ain't magical candies, you need a psychiatrist that knows more precisely what you need. You're not a the point at which you need "tweaking" in your medication, you need a completely different approach to your OCD. Chip's right and wants what's best for you, or else he wouldn't be answering the same thing every single time.
    Ain't nothing wrong with changing psychiatrist, they can't know everything or be a right fit for everyone.
     
  16. Sadness

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    Yeah you,’re right. My obsession indeed came back even stronger once i came back on my meds.

    and i’m repeating the same mistakes and questions

    i just dont quite understand

    why fantasizing about sucking a transwoman penis is so arousing to me, even more than a vagina, if im straight

    And those others questions i always ask

    maybe thats the ocd kicking again
     
  17. Aeolia

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    yeah fam, that's the ocd kicking.

    please do yourself a huge favour and find a psychiatrist that specialises in OCD. It ain't one that's easy to take, but it's a step you need to take nonetheless. Nothing's gonna get better if you keep things the way they are right now.

    We're still gonna be here to try and answer your questions if you still have some. But no amount of answering is gonna help you if you don't do yourself that favour.
     
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  18. Sadness

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    Okay, i will try to find a new psychiatrist.

    but im so scared, will he be able to answer all my weird questions?

    everywhere i went till today, even on a gay reddit, all of them told me im not gay

    but will he be able to answer all i have to say

    Because today i did a fucking test trying to fantasize about gay stuff where a faceless guy would top me from behind

    and i got hard

    if its all ocd how can this happen

    im so desperate rn, months ago i wont get hard from it i think

    but now i do

    why

    im afraid he doesnt have the answers to these questions

    my answer to it is just that im gay and im lying to myself

    Everything is a mess i just want to break everything

    i have been 5 years like this

    one day i will probably try and have sex with a guy but im scared to do it too

    And theres no guy im into enough to do something like this

    Hope a new psychiatrist answer me all once and for all

    I think im just gay
     
  19. Aeolia

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    he may not have the answers to these questions. but he will most likely be able to help you answer them yourself.
    you may be gay, you may not be, you may even be bi. Nobody can answer that question but you. However your OCD seem to overwhelm your rational judgement and prevents you from seeing things as they are without freaking out over whether it's gay or not. a specialist will help you put the freaking out aside and analyse things for what they are.

    Erotic fantasies are fantasies. There have been countless straight men, even on this very forum, that were wondering if they were gay because they masturbated to pictures of bodybuilders and the like. Turns out most of them simply fantasised about being like the guy they were masturbating too.
    In a similar fashion, you fantasising about getting pinned by a faceless man, might just mean that the thought of getting top'd is arousing to you. Turns out that lots of straight men get pinned by their girlfriend, be it with a dick or with toys.

    My point is that, from the outside, we can't give you any definitive answer and neither can a psychiatrist. A good specialist however, will give you the tools and the means you're lacking to figure it out yourself.
     
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  20. Sadness

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    Yeah you’re right, after a good time with pornography, i kinda got in the mood with being kind submissive

    i do think is very arousing to be submissive but im very ashamed of that

    so the thought of a woman or a transwoman beating me and those type of things is arousing

    about the faceless dude, whenever i would think about it, my mind kind connects with a scene from porn, so sometimes its a girl, than its me, than the men turns into a transwoman, a woman.

    so its very confusing

    my only fear is that i am lying to myself, i already told this

    my friends in school when get too close to me i can feel something on my lips and a uncomfortable feeling in my penis like a tingle

    but when a girl comes closer i kind feel disgust now, a mix feeling of anxiety and disgust

    Which it wasnt like this before

    so yeah i will find a new psychiatrist

    but there is nothing more i can do?

    just keep changing psychiatrists until i find one that is good

    is that the only thing i can do to know why is this happening to me, or if im gay or not?