Deeply ashamed of having liked someone that is straight

I once had a crush on a straight coworker.I knew that nothing would happen, but I never felt shame for it. It just happened.

 

Hey,

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You can’t control who you develop an attraction to. They just have that something about them. It takes quite a bit of boldness to act on our feelings and you did great by saying you weren’t straight! Give yourself credit for that because that’s huge. There’s no way to tell whether she also wanted to say that but wasn’t yet bold enough herself. Nobody’s fault. But you’ve done it once and could do it again and maybe more next time. I’d count this as win. Small as it seems, it’s still a win. Be proud of yourself. :}

 

I know how hard that is. We can’t really help it when we catch feelings for people and many times (especially for same-sex attracted people) it likely will be on those who aren’t compatible. But there’s nothing to be ashamed about. It’s perfectly natural, and your brain can’t just switch off the emotions when finding out/thinking someone is straight. Plus I think it takes courage to display even the smallest hint that you like someone! Don’t feel ashamed for being true to yourself.

 

Hey as the others have said dont be too hard on yourself, you like who you like. Nothing wrong with mentioning you arent straight whether you like her or not. You didnt do anything bad or embarrassing it is just one of those things. Be kind to yourself.

 

It sounds like that person was probably trying to play mind games, especially when they didn’t reveal their sexuality after you mentioned you’re not straight. I’m glad you didn’t try harder.

 

Hi @CL1990,

I definitely don’t think that you should be ashamed for reaching out to another human being. Even though it appears that she didn’t accept your advances, at least you tried. I think you should still view it as a personal victory. After all, you overcame your shyness and reluctance to reach out. In the longrun, that is the only way you will be able to make a connection with a significant other.

Maybe be there are lessons you can learn from the way you approached her that can guide you towards a different approach next time. Or, perhaps not. But at least you had the courage to reach out this time. And that means you can do it again.

You certainly have my respect for making the move to go for what you want.

QR

 

I don't think you should be ashamed- in fact I'm proud of you. I've asked out a guy before who turned out to be straight. It's not talked about very much how something so human as talking to someone we're attracted to carries so much more 'risk' for LGBTQ people, so I think what you did was brave, actually!

This advice is rich coming from me, because I struggle with absorbing societal shame like a sponge too, but you haven't done anything wrong-if she's offended then that's on her. She's an adult.

Hope you're doing OK. X

 

No need to feel ashamed, imo. Liking/loving someone is a beautiful thing. I was in love with a guy who did not treat me well, and we are not together anymore, and although I know for certain I don’t want to be with him I was happy to have fallen in love again because it doesn’t happen for me often. I would simply view it as a sign of a healthy heart that knows how to love.

 

I think you're brave too. I confessed to a best friend years ago that I had fallen in love with her. She loves me but not in that way. Nothing was weird between us afterwards. Anyway, it was good and freeing for me to do this--confess my love. I tried. And this was very much not the norm for me. It reflects on you that you are loving person and not afraid to express yourself. The person you love will be lucky to receive your love.

 

As the others have said, try not to be so hard on yourself. We can't help who we develop feelings for; all we can control is our actions in relation to those feelings, and nothing you did (by telling them) was wrong. You took a chance to see if maybe they reciprocated and that's courageous. I can't say whether this person didn't reciprocate or if they merely need time to sort things out (perhaps they didn't understand what you were trying to tell them), but there's certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

Easier said than done, I know. But with enough time and effort, you'll get there.