I don't come here as much as I used to but I guess I wanted to vent. I think I'm venting too much on Facebook and people in the groups I'm in are tired of hearing about me. I'm really lonely and I'm desperate for companionship, I'm seriously at the point to just find a man and date him or even marry him. For the matter I am a 36 (nearly 37) cis woman who is a closted lesbian. I have a lot of baggage I come with. I was arrested 4 years ago but my case was dismissed, my mother is in jail, my father recently died, I lost my job about a week ago, my family isn't accepting and I'm highly inexperienced in every department, I don't only mean dating I mean work and life, I feel like I'm so behind all the time. If you're going to suggest therapy just know I've already tried 2 therapists and 4-5 different meds, also note: I just lost my job and I have to watch my finances and can't afford therapy or meds right now. I know people will say stop complaining, there are people out there worse than you and I know that I'm not trying to be a bother or problem. I have been trying to make friends and community and it just doesn't work out, I know it's me, I'm the problem. Am I a bad person if I decide to just date men and one day eventually marry one? I know it won't fix anything except the fact there's someone to talk to and come home to. I am not feeling sorry for myself, I'm just incredibly lonely.
Hi @Royal1985 - I am really sorry that you're going through so much. I certainly know what it feels like to be in the closet as well as to be lonely. But the one thing that gives me hope is that I believe there is someone out there that gets me and who I would get and who could make me truly happy despite all my faults. And I believe that there is someone out there for all of us, including you. We all have our struggles, our faults, even sometimes our demons. But there is someone out there who will see through all that and see the good in us. I know all of that sounds incredibly cheesy(!), but I really do believe that (most days). I hope that you will continue to seek support here on EC because there are so many people in similar situations who have great advice. Best of luck and I hope things get better soon!
And do you know what I would tell those people? Go piss up a rope! Yes, some people may have it worse than you, but you have it worse than some people too. Saying it to someone is like telling them that their trials and tribulations are irrelevant or they are not entitled to have those feelings. That doesn't fly with me.
It's ok to be lonely, to vent about it, and be sad about it even. Sometimes it can be crippling, especially when surrounded with unsupportive people. I've been there. Talking about it is a healthy thing, and internalizing it will make it so much worse- I speak from experience. Maybe an in person support group would be a better option for you? Are there any near you? As for job hunting I've had decent success finding jobs online in the past, would you be willing to try that method maybe? There are tips to tip the scale a bit more in your direction, like a tailored resume, but they won't be very hard to learn (if I can do it, then you certainly can).
Hey Royal1985, I remember you from a few months ago. I'm sorry things are still tough, and look like they're going to be tough for a while yet. But rather than a man, it sounds like what you need is a) a friend and b) a plan. If you don't mind me asking..what happens? Maybe you're looking in the wrong places. Part of the art of making friends (and it is something that needs practice, in my opinion) is gravitating to where you're going to find your people. That could be a different city, getting involved in a new sport or hobby or even somewhere different online. The key thing is working out where you might find like-minded supportive souls. The other thing is that there is nothing to be ashamed about in being lonely. There has always been something taboo about admitting to it in Western society, even more so now in this age of social media where everyone is boasting about their wonderful lives. But it's still there and it affects more of us than ever, I think. Though we live in an interconnected world, real connection is still so elusive. Sending hugs to you, Beth x PS: Rather than using F******* and making that tosser Mark Zuckerberg even richer, why not hang out here on EC? We're a friendly, supportive bunch and you can vent to us any time.
Right now I don't have anyone I can ask to drive me to a support group and Ubers are expensive, so I don't do in person. I don't drive and right now I'm living with my stepmom. So it's a bit of an uncomfortable situtation and I probably will live with her for the next 6 months to a year. That's why I do everything online. I've been looking for online jobs for around a month now, I was applying to jobs before I was let go but nothing yet. My goal was to find a remote job and work from home and when I was able to move then I'd have a job but nothing has come up yet. I know that these things take a while. I found a site and it put together a resume and cover letters if needed. I don't have experience because technically this was my first job ever and my father got it for me and that's a big reason people don't hire me, my lack of experience. But I don't think my stepmom likes the idea of me doing a remote job and wants me to have a job where I go physically in person. My situation is complicated and I am not asking for sympathy or help, I'm just venting.
A lot of the time it's women not being interested in me because I'm closeted. I don't mean just for a date, I mean friends. Then add to the fact I was arrested and my mom's in jail it makes matters worse. But I think my biggest issue is I have trust issues. I go to therapy and I'm trying to work on it but I've had them since I was a kid. I honestly feel like I've tired every site out there to meet women, dating apps, forums, sites, Facebook, etc. and nothing. Right now I can only do online. I don't drive and I don't want to rely on Ubers which get expensive. And I'm not just looking for friends in my area, I've always looked for friends in other cities. I am trying so hard to move out of this city where I live, it's just not the time right now. While there is a pride center here and pride is celebrated here, I just am uncomfortable attending this place as I'm closeted and I don't want others finding me, so I don't go. I'll try to remember to come on here more often. I know Facebook isn't great but there are a couple groups targeted towards later in life lesbians that I belong to, which is why I go on there.
Feel free to vent away then, I know that can be helpful sometimes. If you need support or help though we're all here for you, so don't be afraid to ask if you want that. I have ideas of how to possibly get around that lack of experience, but I sense I may have annoyed you (sorry if I did, sometimes I have that effect on people). I won't suggest anything else unless you ask me directly from now on. And as for sympathy... I have that towards literally everyone here except myself.
I'm really sorry to hear you've been going through a difficult time. You don't need to feel bad or like a burden for expressing your feelings; you're obviously in a great deal of pain regardless of what others might think, and it's important to express those feelings somewhere that feels safe. I'm not sure how to solve your problem, but if you need an ear, my DMs are open.
What about a job at a duane reed or cvs. Look to work in the pharmacy dept. There you can interact with more women and may meet someone
I have a lot of anxiety about driving so I can definitely understand how isolating that can be. As someone who has been there and done that it would be a bad idea to get into a relationship that doesn't fit your orientation. There will be major problems down the line even if your initial problems are solved. Have you thought about doing something online for work? There are options out there if you research it.
