Looking Back - Nostalgia

Wow - I remember the day my colleg sophomore year I found a bookstore nearby that carried gay porn magazines. It sent such a jolt through me to see them - I'd seen Playboys, but this was my first gay porn magazine. I would side-eye the magazines while looking around the store, then when the store had a lull in shoppers, I grabbed a magazine with some sports magazines, went the counter and bought them. Thank god the salesman didn't say anything - I was burning with embarrassment.

Walked back to my dorm, with the magazines under my jacket, found a quiet place in the library (dorm living sucks), and read/studied that magazine for hours - think i missed a class. The internet was still in its infancy, so that magazine blew me away because it was the first time i'd seen positive joyful gay sex images. Those early porn magazines meant so much to me because they helped me accelerate my sexual awaking. I actually tried to find that first mag. one online recently. I'd also say my college library was an incredible resource for me on queer identity, history, culture. That store and the school library were an amazing place of solace.

 

Nicely said. Thank you

Brett.

 

I remember those days

 

I don’t really know but I definitely get more turned on from idea of being physical with men or seeing men being intimate with men.

 

For sure, no comparison with being with a woman. The idea of intimacy with a woman now seems so repulsive to me. Intimacy between two men is so incredibly sensual and erotic whether in porn or especially in real life. I too now hope someday to be able to say I have a husband. That is such a turn on for me now.

 

I really agree with you!

 

Great thread, looking back, buying gay mags at the adult book shop in my late teens and early 20s, enjoying them and the burning them later, trawling the university library for books about homosexuality, sneaking out the “Gay Mystique” from the library so it wouldn’t be on my record, and then sneaking it back in a few weeks latter, being intrigued by the cryptic messages left in the uni bathroom, ignoring obvious advances from gay guys..I can’t believe I was so much in denial..so obvious, looking back it just reinforces the belief that I am really gay …

 

Yes you are! I am too! It’s nice to say it.

 

Thanks @Nealg, yes you are gay, you were when you were a young man and you're gay now, like me. It feels good to say it and feels even better to be told that I am gay too, I have to say its actually a turn on for me for someone else to tell me I'm gay..

 

@Joolz66, totally understand the turn on when I am identified as gay by someone else. For me it validates who I am. Finally after years of denial and hiding to be seen as a gay man is intoxicating even almost 4 years in. Just wish I could have identified as a teen and skip the years of fake hetero.

 

Me too

 

Thank you!

 

Its taken me 30 years to finally realise that I am gay, denial is a strong force clearly, and it makes me wonder what else I have ignored given i managed to fool myself when I was young in the face of some pretty incontrovertible evidence.. @Contented nails it.. hearing from another affirming my sexuality is intoxicating.

 

Wow! Nice!

 

It was interesting to me some of the answers to this question. I’m not out but am pretty sure I am gay because I can’t get hard to straight porn ever. Nor do I ever get erections from looking at women on Instagram etc. I still try because I think maybe I’m in the closet but it’s effortless with men. Thanks for the thread, it’s a good one.

 

You should ask her if she knows any cute single men.

 

shes a sensitive friend and knows that you are gay imho..it was a lovely way of letting you feel comfortable, how did you respond?

 

Hi Adz, nice to see you here... I couldn't help reacting as I'm having a problem keeping my glances secret... There's a stunner in the gym. I can't stop looking, I've no idea if he's gay, and of course, he's a little bit younger than me. Ahem, Did catch him looking at me in a mirror. Ha! I don't rate myself as I'm not too vain, I hope, but I'm pretty sure I may have been the best of a mediocre bunch that morning. So I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to write a book about all this. There's tons to guys out there who'd enjoy a bit of angst ridden fiction? Isn't there? Santa Monica, here I come! Yeah.