Glad to be here! I found this website and these forums a few months ago, and I find the posts to be very helpful. I can relate to so many of the posts and responses, particularly in the "Coming out later in Life" forum. I'm a married father of 3 who has been in the closet my entire adult life. I came out to my wife (in rather ugly fashion) a few months ago and also to a few gay friends, but my life has not really changed at all. Along with therapy, I look to these forums to find others in my situation, and I hope to figure out how to make more progress with the end goal of achieving some sort of happiness with another guy. It still seems very unattainable at age 51, but I do have hope that I can find a way.
Hello and welcome You’re definitely not alone with this and as you’ll find out, you’ll get the support you need here from people who are in/have been in the same boat.
Hi there and welcome to the community! Glad you have decided to join to seek further support. As you have probably already seen, we have quite a few members who have found themselves in a similar situation and are willing to share their experience and story. Welcome aboard.
Thank you, Mirko! Yes, I'm so glad I found this. Coming out at this age can be a lonely place, but I am comforted by the stories of others.
Thanks @PrettyBoyBlue ! I hope so too! I've been enjoying reading everything so far. It's almost kind of addicting! It's my new social network of sorts even though everyone is anonymous.
Welcome @CatsAndDogs. There are quite few of us later in life guys here in heterosexual marriages, some out to our wives and other like me, not. We all share the same struggle and it’s good to know we’re not alone. How did you come out to your wife and how did it go?
Hi @Joolz66 - Well, as I mentioned, I came out to her in rather ugly fashion. And by ugly, I mean drunk. I had not really planned on coming out that particular day, but the thought had been simmering for several months after an evening with a male coworker (who is also gay), at which time I realized that I had a major crush on him. So, I guess the simmering turned into drinking too much, which gave me just enough courage to do it. I had feared the worst (getting kicked out, "how could you lie to me after 25 years, etc, etc). But, astonishingly, she reacted with support and understanding, and she also said that she's known for a long time and was just waiting for me to come to grips with it. Our sex life has been nonexistent since our 3rd child was conceived 15 years ago, so I've been burying these feelings for so very long. Not long after I came out, we had a good talk and agreed that for now, we won't "blow anything up" until something or someone in one of our lives changes things. I care about my wife and I love our 3 kids, but I have come to realize in the last month or so that I don't want to stay in the marriage. I want to find true happiness and joy with another guy. Based on all of the posts I read here, it must exist, even for me!
Thanks for sharing. Its amazing the variety of reactions from wives, it sounds like your wife knew all along and her empathy and compassion eased the path.. you're now on the journey to where a lot of us crave to be.
Thanks @Joolz66 . But, I feel like I'm barely out of the starting blocks. Yes, I am out to my wife, but we've only talked about it those couple of times. And now that I'm coming to realize that I don't want to stay in the marriage, I have that same original fear about how to broach the subject. And, by the way, I hope you don't mind, but I was reading the conversation between you and @Nealg on yours (or his) profile page. Omg, YES, I can relate to the increased desire to be with another guy just by reading/writing these posts. The jenie does seem to be out of the bottle already, and I've never even had one encounter with a guy! It's killing me!
Yes, I understand what you mean. When I was in denial about my homosexuality I would push the desire away only for it to wax and wane, it would always return, now as I'm starting to accept it the desire is constant and has morphed into a desire not just for gay sex but also emotional intimacy and it seems to get stronger and stronger. EC is a great place because it made me realise that I'm not alone and that has made it somewhat easier.
CatsAndDogs.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give support if you need it and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! I usually make this post as soon as a new member makes their first post on the Welcome Lounge, but I was out of town and I missed you until now. We are a very diverse group of people here on EC and I am very sure that you will find folks who have gone through or are going through things that are similar to what you are dealing with. What we do best here on EC is helping each other and I am sure that you will find help here. *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message. .....David
Thank you @quebec for the warm welcome! Yes, this site has been a Godsend to read similar stories about what people are working through. And it has also provided me an outlet to tell others what I'm feeling. I honestly feel like I've made more progress in this past week just by reading and responding to these posts. And by progress, I mean acceptance of my attraction to guys and a longing for a true emotional connection. Yes, I've been married for 25 years, and the early part was good. But just reading about how once "the jenie is out of the bottle", there is no going back: That is the absolute truth! The more I interact on this site, the more I want to accelerate the process of finding a gay community to belong to and meeting someone! That all being said, I have a long way to go. But thanks again!
