Hi how is everyone doing? About me: - The name is not real obviously (for those who don't know the book), but it's kinda cool so... (I'm not really like that Holden guy though, not in every way) - I'm really just a broody teenager, I know the two replies I will get for my question later will be "see a therapist" and "change your world view" like as if I'm going to actually see a therapist or like a world view is something you can just change at will. I don't know what I want out of this. People ask questions like that to have the answer they wished for confirmed. I don't have an answer I wish for, only a lot of answers I don't wish for. Also, I'm 17. - My iDeNtItY cRiSiS: In a nutshell, I'm a female who has a stupid problem with being female and that's all. Probably my brain is making it up for drama, why else would I ask about it publicly? I want to know how to stop this bullshit and stop thinking about my bloody gender because I don't want to be a transgender, I guess I will put up a more detailed post because I don't want to explain everything in my hello-fellow-internet-people post. The only thing that matters is it's BAD and if my brain has actually made it up for drama, it's gone WAY overboard. Also my sexuality is bisexual probably, but I've never had sex so I have no way of knowing. All I know is that I'm attracted to both. But who knows if I'll ACTUALLY like both in action, you know. - About the pronouns, I didn't mean "other", I'd rather there was a "prefer not to say" option but there was no. Putting "he" sounds pretentious because it's a lie but I couldn't bring myself to put "she". - I did say a few people for out status but I haven't actually *formally* told anyone anything, I guess I've discussed sexuality with friends and when I'm drunk I talk a lot of shit about being a "boy" and such because I forget I'm a girl. But it doesn't count. That's about it and you might have guessed, I'm the worst at getting to the point and keeping it short so enjoy my long posts that could be condensed to one sentence. Not by me though.
Hey there! You sound like a younger version of myself! Welcome to EC. First off I’d never tell you to see a therapist. I’m an old fossil and I’ve never seen a therapist in my life. Sometimes, we just work things out by ourselves and if we don’t feel that a therapist is what we want or need then we don’t have to see one. Some people are helped a lot by therapy and some are in a place where they really need the help of a therapist and that’s absolutely fine. It depends on the person and their own needs. I believe that therapy can come from other means as well, such as talking to others who have experienced the same (such as on forums like this). That’s where I got my help in the past. I’d also never tell you to change your view of the world. Our views and perspectives come from experiences we’ve had and as we journey through life our views change automatically. Though sometimes, it’s good to listen to other people’s perspectives, experiences and advice because this can help to change our view on something. It’s good to talk to others. We can learn a lot. There are sections on EC where you can post more about your gender and others will post their experiences and/or thoughts. My own experience is that I’m born female and all through my life I was like you. I even identified as FTM at one point. But I wasn’t comfortable with that. In the end I chose non binary. I’m not entirely female and I’m not entirely male either. Maybe have a think about non binary as a label for yourself until you’ve had some more experience and thought about it more. Take your time and don’t let those labels wreck your head in like they did mine. Non binary covers a lot until you’re ready to move forward in your journey.
Just to add, don’t worry about your sexuality label either. As you experience more you can work that out later. For now you’re probably bisexual and that’s ok. You can always change your label later if you feel you might be different to bisexual. As for pronouns, they are so confusing aren’t they? As a non binary I honestly don’t care what pronouns people use for me. Some people prefer to be called “They” when they don’t want to be referred to as “she” or “he”. “Other” kind of covers everything else rather than a solid “she” or “he”. It’s personal preference. Most people refer to me as a “she” and that’s ok because I look like a she. As for coming out, take your time. There’s no rush. Concentrate on trying to figure yourself out first and being comfortable with “you” before you choose to out yourself properly. I also don’t condense things lol so no worries
Holden.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give support if you need it and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! I decided not to tell you to see a therapist! You probably have already been told that...so I'll skip it. You do sound pretty frustrated and I hope we can help you with that at least a little because we will always be here for you to vent or just share how you feel. Anyway...we really are glad you found us! The rest of this post is info about how to navigate around EC a bit...I hope it helps! There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. In particular you may want to check out the forums that are titled "Gender Identity and Expression” and "Sexual Orientation" there are a lot of people there who have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. *****When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message. .....David
If you don't want to see a therapist you don't have to- that's up to you. That said I do think it could be beneficial to see one, but it's not a requirement by any means unless you wanted hrt or a surgery. Anyway, it sounds like you probably aren't cisgender to the say the least and you aren't wanting to accept that (I could be wrong, I don't see what goes on in your mind)- which believe me, I get that- but what I don't quite understand is why you would think you're making it up for attention. Did someone say that to you or accuse you of it?
Wow everyone is so kind here, thanks for your replies. Also thanks for not telling me to seek professional help, maybe you’re the professionals here after all. I won’t reply to every single reply but I’ve read them all etc. I’ve posted my question now in the gender forum but it’s awaiting moderational review. Let’s see. The problem for me with identifying with anything but the “standard settings” is that I will feel like a fraud. Whatever gender I put, aside from female, feels like I’m lying. If it didn’t I would just put male. But I can’t because I don’t want to lie to people. Ive always understood that non-binary is like an in-between or both or neither option. Can it also be more of a “prefer not to say” option? (Like, I don’t want to say I’m female because it makes me feel like shit but I can’t say I’m male because that’s just a delusion of mine) Well, I’m a bit more dramatic than average and I tend to make problems bigger than they are just by thinking about them. I’m a typical hysterical teenage girl who cried because she couldn’t meet her dead celebrity crush a few years ago. Do you expect me to take myself seriously? I’m not making it up for attention (I get enough attention for better things) but maybe i have a subconscious need for a “more exciting life”. That’s what my dad thinks too. I need higher highs and lower lows than a boring normal life. Although I could achieve them in other ways, maybe I’m trying to make up problems to overcome. Not intentionally of course. But possibly, unintentionally.
Non binary is just what you say. I’ll go and find your post in the gender forum so that there’s no confusion (on my part because I’m old lol) with two lots of threads on the same subject.
It's okay to not know what u are. I thought the same thing when I was 13 but hell that was 4 years ago. If u ever want to talk to someone I'm here
