I'm scared to come out to my family. I'm out to a few friends that are accepting, and members of the LGBTQ+ community, but for my Family? Haha, no. My Family is VERY religous and VERY homo/transphobic. They openly talk about how transgender and homosexual people are 'sinners' and 'deserve to be in hell'. I know this is not the case, but if I tell my own mother, I am scared she will openly misgender me and deadname me, maybe even kick me out. And My Grandmother? Don't get me started on her. She's worse. And she can't keep a secret for her life. So I'm wondering, should I wait and be independent enough to financially and emotionally stabalize myself? Or come out now while I'm in high school? I'm not in any Physical danger and will never be regardless, but I'm scared of the emotional stability in my life.
Yes! From what you've written, coming out to them now will be counter productive and could quite possibly see you end up homeless. So, don't. Wait until you are more independent and have built up for your support network that is entirely separate from them. Sadly, there's a lot of waiting involved in being trans. Waiting for the right time to come out, waiting on waiting lists for hormones, waiting for surgery... There aren't any quick fixes or shortcuts. And so many of us end up having to live a double life, where we're out to some people, but remain in the closet to others. Coming out fully is a process that can take years. (It's been two years since my own gender revelation and I'm only just passed the halfway mark in terms of coming out.) That's the bad news. The good news is the support you will find from people, and places like right here. Good luck! Beth x
I totally agree with Beth here, Since your family are as they are, coming out to them will cause you a lot of problems and you may well end up in a terrible situation. Wait until you are in a good financial position and are possibly living independently before you consider coming out to them. That way you are safe and living your own life so it won’t matter what they think. I know it’s tough when you can’t present as who you really are. I only came out late in life. But it’s better to keep yourself safe.
I hope that when and if you do come out to them that they don't do anything horrible. You do not deserve that. If you need someone to talk to I am here ok. ~Love, Grace
LandYacht.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give support if you need it and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. *****Considering the situation you have at home, I don't think it would be wise to come out now. While waiting can be hard to do, living in a hostile home environment until you can move out would be even worse. It would be by far the best choice to keep everything secret for your own safety until you are independent and not living at home. If you need extra support you can contact the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or thetrevorproject.org. They are available 24/7/365. The rest of this post is info about EC...hope it helps! *****When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message. .....David
I cannot stress this enough: WAIT! I was found out by my parents at eighteen, who are like the relatives you describe. If you want details of all the drama that ensued, there's the threads I've made. My plan was to at least wait until I'd graduated college to come out as a bi trans guy, but then I did something stupid and it led to them searching through my phone and finding out. What happened after that has been posted in threads of mine. The point I'm trying to make here is waiting is the safest option for you right now, just in case they turn out like my family. I don't want anyone stuck in a situation like me which is why I'm pointing you away from that same route, it takes such a toll on you. Don't do that to yourself, please.
LandYacht.....Something that I didn't think about when I wrote to you above. I have quite a lot of information that proves that the Bible does not condemn same sex marriage. Also a lot of info on how the six passages in the Bible that are used to condemn the LGBTQIA+ Community have been mistranslated. I know that sounds a little like a conspiracy theory, but the information is accurate and based on the Bible itself. I am an evangelical Christian...I know that sounds unusual for someone who is gay and is offering information that contradicts the position that almost all evangelical churches believe. But the information is true and correct. Anyway, if you ever get to the place where you would like to see this info, just let me know. .....David
Yeah no absolutely wait. Wait until you're stable to come out. It's not going to be beneficial in any way to let them hurt you. And I totally agree with Quebec. The church does try to use their bias for their own reasons. So just wait a few more years, I'd say.
