I touched on this briefly on another post, but since I’m struggling I want to get it fully of my chest So im bi! Im F/18. During high school I had a girlfriend but I have also had 2 other boyfriends in the past but it’s hard to count them as I was pretty young I know Bi, I know it deep down and im certain that im bi over any other sexuality. The problem is, I hate referring to myself as bi so much. I can barely say the word when im talking to people about it, and I keep thinking im straight untill I remind myself that I literally had a gf for like 4 years or if I see a pretty girl haha. Even though I know im bisexual, I hate referring to myself as it, has anyone else experienced this? To be honest, I feel 100% more comfortable referring to myself as “unlabelled”. I used to, but due to the fact that I was in a queer relationship and was certain I was bi, obviously I started referring to myself as such. But I don’t feel comfortable. I want to go back to referring to myself as “unlabelled” as I’m comfortable with that. But I feel unworthy and that it’s wrong to do so as I know I’m bi. for the record im not out to many people, only to the select few people I told, and some people from my old high school who know because I was outed :/ but my family, as far as I know, don’t know. I also never plan on coming out, if I happen to bring home a girl one day, so be it :] In short, the problem is: I’m certain that I’m bisexual but I feel more comfortable identifying as “unlabelled” what should I do? What is the correct way to refer to myself. With that I know is true, or what I’m comfortable with. Is it wrong for me to feel like this. I’ve identified as bi for a while, so why does it feel like I’m regressing even if this “regression” is what I truely want. extra note: many public figures have recently come out as unlabelled and I feel so seen and recognised when that happens. But I’m bi, so again it feels wrong to feel that way :/ ugh why is life like this haha
Hello there @Paigez Why shouldn’t you identify as unlabelled if that is how you feel the most comfortable? It’s absolutely fine For many years after I came out I fought with labels! I got to a point where at one stage I said “Feck to it! I’m just me!” And I went unlabelled for ages. I was so confused, and for that time it gave me a much needed break because I was fed up of trying to describe myself to people lol Some years later I identified as bi and I even used the label FTM. These labels changed again until I finally settled on non binary and lesbian labels. I still feel odd with the lesbian label but at this stage (I’m an old bat), I just give up and laugh at myself. The labels I have now are the nearest to who I am anyway and I’m happy with them. So you’re not alone with the label struggle. Forget it for now and just be you and be unlabelled. If that makes you happy then so be it
There's no right or wrong way. If you don't like using bisexual as a label, you're under no obligation to do so. What I might ask though is, what makes you uncomfortable regarding it? Is there shame, fear, disgust or other negative emotions connected to it? A lot of bisexuals deal with internalized biphobia (or in some cases, homophobia) at one point or another during their coming out journey. Like I said before, you don't have to come out until you're ready, if ever. But I think it's important to work through whatever issues you have with the label or with your same-sex attraction in general. It will go a long way towards improving your mental health.
I can kind of relate! In real life I really struggle to admit that I’m bi and will often resort to telling people I’m “unlabelled” or “I don’t know” without even thinking. It could be that there is some internalised biphobia going on underneath? My own reservations about calling myself bi partly stem from this and I know of other bisexuals who feel the same. There are quite a lot of negative stereotypes about bi people (i.e. we’re greedy, confused, more likely to sleep around or cheat, etc.). So it can be easy to want to remove yourself from these things. As for public figures, I’ve wondered if some might also be experiencing the same thing. I’ve seen celebs call themselves “unlabelled” or even “gay” when they are actually bisexual — which they either later admit, or it just becomes obvious when they’re asked to elaborate. Bi means being able to experience attraction to both sexes and many “unlabelled” people fit this bill. People also tend to view bisexual as being equally attracted to men and women, which isn’t always true. So when a bi person leans largely to one or the other, they may be more likely to have some hesitancy because their orientation feels more confusing or frustrating to them. Similarly, some bisexuals have a pretty fluid orientation (their preference changes) which causes them to doubt themselves and opt for “unlabelled” because it feels safer. But at the end of the day you have a right to use or not use a label. Come out when and if you want to! And if “unlabelled” makes you more comfortable there’s nothing wrong with that. I can’t criticise it because like I said, I do the same myself haha. I just think it could be worth trying to figure out the root of why you feel this way? All the best : )
ah thank you so much your reply made me feel 100% times better I really appreciate it, I think I’ll try identifying as unlabelled for a little bit and see how I feel. Again, thank you!! <3
thank you! I really appreciate your reply and it helped me so much! And I guess that’s part of the problem? I did use to be confident in identifying as bi and would even confidently say it to like 2 close friends but recently, and just when I’m by myself and start thinking about it, I get a bit uncomfortable? That in itself is really confusing because I know I am? I’m still trying to figure out what the issue is, so for now i think I’m gonna identify as “unlabelled” to feel more comfortable while I figure out what makes me uncomfortable if that makes sense? I’m worried it is internalised homophoba, but still, I’m not 100% sure again. Besides that, thank you so much for the reply!
Ah that makes me feel so much better, I didn’t realise this was such a widespread thing!? And, I agree about trying to figure out the cause of this, I think for now I’ll be most comfortable identifying as unlabelled while i figure out what makes me uncomfortable about identifying as bi, despite being certain that I am haha. At the end of the day, I really appreciate for reply, it really helps to know I’m not alone in this
I don't think that bisexual is necessarily the most accurate label for me, but I have been using it more so for the benefit of others. It' an easier concept for them to understand. And you know what, that's fine by me. I can think of my exact sexuality as just my own and not feel like I have to explain it or justify it. If I decide to explain further, that's my choice, but I don't owe anyone an explanation.
