She broke up with me

Things have not been going great with my girlfriend, as you can tell from the title. Strap in, it's messy.

She started not messaging for days at a time- I tried to get over it. Then I asked her why she was doing this, and she replied she wasn't in a great mental state, constantly exhausted, and extremely busy. I then asked how I could be more fair to her and how I could help. That went unanswered. A few months pass, her sport's season ended, things kind of stayed the same and we cycled through that same conversation a few more times with the same pattern. I tried to get over it again but I just grew sadder by the day. I asked her if she still wanted to be with me, to which she said she'd reply when she got time- she didn't. She quit putting "I love you" in her messages earlier this past week, and I grew even more concerned. So I asked her if she wanted to still be with me two more times. That went unanswered. So finally at such a low that I just wanted an answer and worried I'd done something wrong, I sent her a message along the lines of this: I feel like you're pushing me away, if it's because you're hurting I want you to know I love you and I'm here, if it's because you fell out of love with me or want to leave then just do it already. She answers that one today, saying that she's just so tired and is dealing with a lot of family crap (which I don't doubt), she still loves me, and she's sorry for hurting me. I told her I forgive her and how I was devastated thinking she didn't love me anymore. I also told her that I loved her and just wanted to know what was going on in her life and be there for her. Then she says she just doesn't have the energy for more than one person right now, still loves me but thinks it's best we break up, and apologizes. I have yet to respond and don't know what to say. I didn't realize I was such a chore or burden and I was draining her somehow- she did the opposite for me and made me happier, and now I just feel like such a dick. I tried my best to be there for her. I just wanted her back, I've missed her so badly.

Thanks for reading, I know it's long.

 

Thank you River.

 

Yeah my best friend thought it was good in the beginning but here in the end I got played. If that's the case, my now ex wasted months of our time. I know she has bad anxiety and depression, she was honest with me the rest of the relationship (to my knowledge), and her mom is crazy- leaving me in limbo hurt though. Now what to do with the two things I have that were supposed to be hers and my matching bracelet...

The way she wrote the message sounded like she felt I was draining her energy. I guess I should just let her go but I still love her after being dragged through hell for months. I tried to help her but I guess she didn't want it from me.

 

I would wait for her, but I bet she would move on before the problems are over. She didn't get into specifics, said different things with her family just kept coming up.

 

It didn't start that way, we met a lot in person the first couple months. Then she started her senior year and my summer job ended and I got a new job- our schedules never lined up where we could secretly meet again. Nine and a half months together and then she called it quits.

 

I'm bad about not being nice to myself anyway- I've forgotten how to do that at this point if I'm being completely honest.

 

It's a lot right now, there's a lot going on in my life between work and trying not to drown in my sadness like I have in the past. I miss her already.

Well y'all are very sweet, can't help but want to be sweet back. Thank you for saying what you have and trying to help before it was even over.

 

Thank you, I appreciate it.

 

I have a decent ear for music I guess... this feels so weird and foreign...

I wish it wasn't this way, but I guess everything was stacked against us in the first place. My close friends were right. I was a fool to think this would work. It's my own damn fault I'm hurting now.