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Changed again

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Sadness, Dec 24, 2021.

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  1. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Now im start to think that i have only ocd and im not gay

    Thats it
     
    #1 Sadness, Dec 24, 2021
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  2. masterofnone

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    yeh something similar happened to me. i got so fucking triggered and terrified after i found a guy good looking that my friend posted on his story. but after this girl posted a hot pic of her and i got so damn horny, hard and aroused. as opposed to when i see a good looking man i can’t get hard even if i force it
     
    #2 masterofnone, Dec 25, 2021
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  3. Chip

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    This could mean that your medication is working more effectively. This is not an uncommon experience, especially if you have recently had a medication or dosage change. If not, it isn't uncommon to see the effects of OCD medications really kick in after an extended period of taking them.

    In any case, if this holds, it represents a very positive indicator for you.
     
    #3 Chip, Dec 25, 2021
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  4. zgaynz

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    Sexuality is fluid, it can change in any direction so I wouldn't get too hung up or worried about it as this can cause more problems than it's worth. Just be you.
     
    #4 zgaynz, Dec 25, 2021
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  5. Chip

    Chip
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    In this particular case, for someone struggling with OCD, that's the last thing they need to hear.

    Also, there is very, very little evidence to suggest that sexual orientation changes over time. Someone who is bisexual may lean toward people of one sex at one point, and the opposite at a different point.It's also true that someone can be gay, but in such denial that they do not realize it for a long period, but that isn't fluidity. Sexual orientation (which is the issue of concern here) tends to be very stable over time. It's important, especially for those with OCD, to understand that.
     
    #5 Chip, Dec 26, 2021
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  6. Sadness

    Sadness
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    This has happened to me as well sometimes, although somedays ago i was able to get hard if i forced a fantasy and masturbate it, this week however i cant anymore, dont know what changed this week.

    It really could mean this, but is just weird that it took a week to change completely. I think you saw my posts last week, i was devastaded and just conclude that i was gay, i just gave up the idea of having ocd, i literally started accepting that i was gay, i didnt care about it anymore, i just wanted things to end so i told myself that i was gay, and then this week im attracted to girls and i could even fantasize about them.

    I hope it holds, i had a bad weekend, i worked 12 days without stopping and couls barely sleep.
     
    #6 Sadness, Dec 26, 2021
  7. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Yeah i totally agree with you, i dont think that is fluid but is more of a realization, so i was always worried ifi was one of the cases that i was lying to myself but since last week where i just gave up on all of this i started looking maybe in a different way. So im really trying to be more me

    That's okay, i dont have a problem with that, i always considered the fact that maybe it cpuld be just a realization, but like i said, after giving up and saying that i was gay it changed so fast, woman seem more attractive, i can fantasize with them, im not testing a lot anymore, i even didnt masturbate for 2 whole days.

    Its weird but yeah something happened
     
    #7 Sadness, Dec 26, 2021
  8. Chip

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    It may seem hard to believe but this is commonly what people with severe OCD describe when they finally get a medication and dosage that's effective for them. I am so glad you are feeling better!
     
    #8 Chip, Dec 26, 2021
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  9. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Yeah, i didnt change the dosage, i was planning on visiting my psychiatrist to talk about this because i was in a terrible state.

    I really dont want to get back there because i was so miserable, i was crying at work. I had to take some time to go to the bathroom cry and get up again so i could get back at work, i was extremely desperate and confused about everything that my head wouldnt stop hurt.

    So i hope i dont get back there...

    Hope i can stick w this happiness until i meet a girlfriend dont know.

    But i still need to overcome my fear of having relationship and sex i think.
     
    #9 Sadness, Dec 28, 2021
  10. Chip

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    Let's hope that what you are experiencing is your medication finally starting to work. As I said above, it is often like a light switch flipping when it finally happens. Once that is the case, it will be a lot easier to work with a therapist on overcoming the fears related to finding and developing a relationship.
     
    #10 Chip, Dec 28, 2021
  11. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Yeah, it really felt like a switch lol. Let's hope for the best.

    Related to my fear of relationships i could be wrong but maybe i know the answer.

    When i was 12, i used to hug a lot my girl friends and they used to hug me a lot. This was the time that i discovered about girls and guys and sex, all that.

    And it happened with two friends of mine if im not mistaken. I was dumb and young so i grabbed their asses when they hugged me, at the moment was normal and all but as i've grown older i still remember me and i feel anxiett everytime and my head keep calling me a abuser.

    I even talked to them already, and apologized and they apologized and said "its okay, we were kids, we didnt know what was going on and what was wrong or write".

    I was so happy that they apologized me, but this memory keep haunting me and bringing anxiety and i think i was an abuser and im afraid i will be abuser now even though i know im not.

    This happening when i was 12, im 19 now and it still giving me anxiety and i cry most of the times i remember.

    So i think this is one of the things that are keeping me from having a relationship, what do you think? Could it be that?
     
    #11 Sadness, Dec 29, 2021
  12. Chip

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    It seems unlikely that event by itself would be so debilitating years later. I would suspect that there is anxiety that is attaching itself to that memory. In other words, there's anxiety that is already present (probably related to / a remnant of OCD) that is interfering. This is definitely something that you should be working on in therapy.
     
    #12 Chip, Dec 29, 2021
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  13. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Yeah there's probably anxiety attached to this memory because it's not something happy nor something that i'm proud of, it's the opposite, i feel completely ashamed of this and like i said i was a kid i didn't know what was wrong and right and what i was doing was wrong. So i really feel sad, and cry whenever i remember.

    I would like to talk about this with a therapist when i find a good one. It was hard enough to even tell my mom about it, she told me the same thing my friends told me, and i feel happy that i was able to tell you guys.

    Im getting confidence to tell my psychiatrist next.

    Wish i'll be able to find the core of my fear of having a girlfriend, and then hope my life get back on track
     
    #13 Sadness, Dec 30, 2021
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  14. Chip

    Chip
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    Do you have a psychiatrist and a therapist? It's pretty rare in the US to have a psychiatrist that also does therapy. Even more to have a psychiatrist who does therapy who is competent at therapy. They do exist, but aren't common.

    The way you can tell: If your appointments are ~15-20 minutes, then they're medication checks. If they're 45-50 minutes, they're therapy.
     
    #14 Chip, Dec 30, 2021
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2021
  15. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Really? I didn't know that. My appointments usually are 50 minutes, because we talk a lot about what's happening with me besides checking if my medicine is working. So maybe it can be described as a psychiatry alongside therapy.
     
    #15 Sadness, Dec 31, 2021
  16. Chip

    Chip
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    Yes, if your appointments are 50 minutes, then you are one of the lucky few that has found a psychiatrist that actually does therapy (That's assuming the person is an MD. If s/he's a Ph.D., then it's a psychologist or therapist.)
     
    #16 Chip, Dec 31, 2021
  17. Sadness

    Sadness
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    I can't say for sure that he's and MD, all i can say is that our appointments tends to take 50 minutes. But he had said to me one time that he could give me a good option of therapist...

    Will talk about that with him too.

    I'm feeling good now tbh, last day i was at a friends house and they started talking about their sex dates, i was kind ashamed that i havent had one already, but i think my time will come someday. They say is the best thing of the world, but i don't know if i think about it the same way, like having sex multiple times a day, don't know if i can do that. Maybe it's because of my huge porn use.
     
    #17 Sadness, Jan 3, 2022
  18. Chip

    Chip
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    I am so happy to hear that you seem to be doing so much better! Also, it's worth knowing that there are plenty of people who have sex once a week or less, and plenty who have it multiple times a day. It really just is very individual to a given couple's relationship. Nothing to stress about. -
     
    #18 Chip, Jan 3, 2022
  19. Sadness

    Sadness
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    Im doing better and im happy about that too. Although i cant say that i'm completely okay now, since i still do some tests sometimes.

    Today i did tested about doing bj to a guy and didnt get hard, only the tingling feeling and kind getting bigger. The same as always, and i still have fantasies with transwoman, but i think what changed is the fact that i don't really care about that anymore, i'm "yeah, okay it happened again".

    Ah yeah for sure is, i will only know how my sex life will be once i have a girlfriend so no problem that, maybe i just feel lonely to be the only one in my group of friends that haven't had sex yet.
     
    #19 Sadness, Jan 4, 2022
  20. Chip

    Chip
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    I am glad to hear that things seem to be calming down for you. Medication doesn't completely solve OCD, but it makes it manageable. It sounds like you are getting to that place.
     
    #20 Chip, Jan 5, 2022
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