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New to the Family

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by K Plasencia, Nov 21, 2021.

  1. K Plasencia

    Regular Member

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    Greetings, all. Stumbled upon Empty Closets. Love the fact that it is a support group type forum and not a dating site. I can get that elsewhere:wink: So, I'm a 50 yr old married man with two teens still in the nest. A couple weeks ago, I sat down with my wife of 18 years and told her that I am bisexual/pansexual; attracted to all gender identities.

    My revelation went a bit better than I expected. She confirmed that she has suspected for years. My wife is a therapist, so her reaction was actually very open, honest, and accepting, albeit tainted with some strong emotions and uncertainty regarding our future. We are now trying to figure out the next step in our relationship. There were preexisting issues in our marriage, so it was already on shaky ground. We both seem to recognize that our goals, interests, and even personalities began to diverge years ago. Sexually, we've had some fun, although all of the "pushing the boundaries" stuff was initiated by me and tolerated by her. We still live together, remain good friends, and are committed parents, so just trying to figure out the practicalities.

    With respect to my sexuality, I experimented early on as a teen with several male friends. I was always very open and accepting of different manifestations of sexuality/gender. However, I also told myself that my teen years were just experimentation. I subsequently went into the military followed by law enforcement service, so being anything other than a straight male was not accepted by those communities and, in fact, could lead to being ostracized or worse. Over the past 10 to 15 years, I started realizing that my sexuality AND emotional connections were way more fluid than I realized. Even though I was married, I explored those unfulfilled sides via the Internet, and even met some guys on the side. Not proud of that, since it was a clear violation of my marriage. Also, most of the time those encounters ended up feeling very emotionally shallow and unfulfilling. Ultimately, I realized that I needed to be honest with my wife about my sexuality and attraction. And, here we are.

    At this point, just trying it figure out my next steps. Looking at the option of taking a work transfer to San Fran or the Pacific NW...somewhere more open and diverse. A whole lot to unpack, as many of you probably know.

    Thanks for reading my dissertation:slight_smile: Much love and respect to all.
     
  2. quebec

    Moderator Full Member

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    K Plasencia.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: There are a number of sub-forums here on EC...why don't you check them out and then feel free to join in the conversations! In particular the sub forum "LGBT Later in Life" would probably be a good place to take a look at the posts as they will more than likely have a lot to do with the kind of things that you are dealing with.
    This is a safe community of loving, caring and very supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community. You can ask questions in any of the Sub-forums by creating a new thread or by joining in a conversation-thread that is already going. You can also post a message on anyone's Profile Page after you have made at least ten posts yourself. If you have a question that is somewhat private you can always send a Private Message to any Staff Member. Normally Private Messages can only be exchanged between two Full Members, but a PM to a Staff Member is an exception. :old_wink: We are so glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets! :old_big_grin:
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  3. Obliteratrix47

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    Welcome to the community, K Plasencia!
     
    #3 Obliteratrix47, Nov 22, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2021
  4. Rayland

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    Hello and welcome to EC! :slight_smile:
     
  5. BiGemini87

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    Welcome to EC, @K Plasencia! As David already suggested, the LGBT Later in Life sub-forum is a great place to check out; you'll see plenty of people who have been in similar situations, which I hope you'll find solace in, and hopefully find answers to any questions you might have about how to proceed from here. :slight_smile: