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Coping with dysphoria and dysmorphia

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Rayland, Oct 26, 2021.

  1. Rayland

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    If you have gender dysphoria or body dysmorphia or both at the same time, then would you guys mind talking about your experiences and coping mechanisms?

    I am asking, because I seem to experience the two daily and I get that extremely uncomfortable feeling in my body, that makes me cry and I don't even want to come out of bed or do my daily tasks. I just want to get rid of this feeling. I want to get rid of my skin entirely.

    My first psychiatrist meeting is in 15th December, so there is still time til then. So I will try for the time being getting some comfort. I just want to know, that I'm not the only one.

    It's not really a physical health issue, more of a mental health issue. I get very moody and also anxiety and panic attacks, because of it, or because of my fears.

    It didn't seem to fit in other threads, but I just feel like I need to hear from others who have it.
     
  2. Mihael

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    With neurotic symptoms, the easiest way to deal with them is removing the reason why you feel like garbage. It might be that something irritates you this much or that you have tension resulting from unresolved issues.

    So... it would be helpful for you to delve into why you feel this way and confront that, imo.
     
  3. Rayland

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    Yeah I feel like HRT and surgery is the only way to remove all the reasons why I feel bad. Psychiatrist will probably only write me medication and send me to a psychologist.
     
  4. Mihael

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    Well, there are plenty of other aspects to transition, not only HRT and surgery, the most difficult part is the social part, all the coming outs and lifestyle changes.
     
  5. Rayland

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    That's true, there are other ways.
     
  6. Mihael

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    By lifestyle changes I mean everything from clothes to relationships with others and rediscovering different things. It will change with hrt or without, and these things are likely making you uncomfortable too. And sitting in the closet, it adds a lot of distress.
     
  7. Rayland

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    I get what you mean. The coming out part is the hardest for me. I was already a bit happier, after I got a haircut, but that's not nearly enough. I want to change out my entire wardrobe and everything.
     
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  8. clockworkfox

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    My dude, my guy, do I ever know that feeling.

    I'm late to work almost daily because of that feeling. I've missed classes because of that feeling.

    It drove me to injure myself for years, which obviously didn't help. Then I would hide behind drugs and alcohol, but that doesn't work either. Self-destruction isn't the answer to mental pain.

    It really helps to keep building connections. It feels like a hurdle a lot, because that means talking to people and addressing the issue...but the bigger you can build your circle, the better. I have friends who are trans, and know exactly what I'm on about when dysphoria is in full swing. I have friends who are cis who will never really understand the experience, but who are empathetic enough to draw parallels to things they feel, and to do their best to offer support. Sometimes support is in encouraging me to go out in public and grab coffee. Sometimes it's staying in and trying to take my mind off of things. But support is vital. Don't isolate yourself.

    When I was still in school, I was studying visual arts, and I ended up channeling my dysmorphia into my final body of work. I turned it into art because I didn't know what else to do...it was hard, the hardest thing I could have done. But I had a bit of a mental break, and I couldn't remove myself from the pain of it. Trying to find a creative way to release what I was feeling was the only way to finish school, and the only way to heal. Even if you can't draw, finding some sort of creative release can be helpful. A friend of mine, another trans artist, did something similar, visualizing his dysphoria. He took a more concrete approach, and mine was more abstract. The work couldn't be more different, but the subject matter was the same.

    Lately, I've been trying more and more to just redirect my anger. Dysphoria is a form of anger, the older I get the more I believe this is true. It's a process for sure, but to take all of my self-destructive feelings and say "no, fuck that, I'm amazing. Society is just full of peons that think that there are only two opposing genders, and that everything from objects to colors need to fit into that mold. The morons can't comprehend my radiance because they don't know how to rub two sticks together and generate a spark, they're still sitting around waiting for the fire gods to bestow light and warmth on their lives. I'm the last person who deserves to suffer because of the ignorance of others..." that's a bold and empowering thing to do.

    But for those days where it's hard to get out of bed? This is going to sound stupid probably, but come up with a few little things, small go-to things that can make you feel just a little bit better. A cup of tea, or a favorite album, or a favorite sweater or something. Then stack those things in whatever way is achievable for you until you get out of bed and keep going. Some mornings I can't will myself to move, but my phone is within reach, and I can play an album I love and start to take the focus off of how terrible I'm feeling about my body...

    Some days are going to be a waste. But the more you practice claiming your autonomy, taking control wherever you can, the better it gets. And you do have autonomy. Transition is a process, and a long one, of small actions that lead to huge changes. It hurts that it doesn't happen overnight, but remember that as a trans person, you are incredibly powerful, and you get to shape your entire world. It's just going to take some time...take it one day at a time.
     
  9. Rayland

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    I pretty much just force myself to get out. I am also a bit of a perfectionist and I can't stand being late at all and that's why I get up 2 hours earlier, just so I could wake up and have coffee, what gives me a bit of energy. I tend to zone out a lot too and that has made me miss my bus.

    I don't really have or know anyone else who is similar to me. I'm out to my friend and she accepts me, but I get the feeling she don't like discussing it and I don't want to bother her with it. I am on 2 discords, where I can freely vent. One is lgbtq+ Estonian discord and other one is just lgbtq+ community friendly, also this forum. I made this post, when I was feeling awful and that was just a way to get my thoughts out too.

    I actually do like to draw and this gives me a bit of an outlet. Also listening music helps to get my mind off things. I love animation. But there are times I just simply run out of energy to cope and I don't want to even draw, just stay in bed and listen music. I'm so behind on my homework.

    Thank you for the comment. It's nice to be able to hear from others, who know how you feel. And I do try to take things day by day, that I wouldn't overwhelme myself again.