Does dysphoria get worse after realizing you're transgender?

I do not identify as transgender but I am a woman who was assigned male at birth. I knew that I was a girl very early on so it was not so much discovering who I am but realizing that transition was a possible option. Once I had accepted that it was something that I could do then yes the discomfort over having to pretend that I was male did get worse. Starting hormones and dressing part time helped a little. What really helped greatly was starting to live full time as my true self.

 

I had that happen to me. I used to say I didn't have dysphoria, I had things about me I didn't like and envy of women but I didn't see it as what it was because it was not as intense, because I didn't know you could do anything about it and I didn't know better. When I accepted I was trans and started experimenting I realized just how far away I was from who I felt I wanted and should be. Like my body obviously doesn't look too out of place in mens clothing, I was just not happy and felt the bland and boring and sort of depressing feeling regarding it was normal, then I dress up and I feel excited and I like it until My shoulders and rectangular torso and chest hair starts stealing my attention. It killed my mood. Even after I changed back that disappointment still lasts. Damenwoth makeup and my facial features and working with my hair and my giant feet and thenbmy voice started being a thing and suddenly I knew playing the masculine role was never my thing but now I straight up hate the expectations that come with it. Suddenly these seemingly random dislikes in body and facial hair and my body and my station in life had a description and I was aware of it.

Sorry that's a long way of saying yes

I'm only 4 months into transition and I hope to still see wonderful changes but I'm working on loving my body. Kinda like a canvas I'll just make it mine, tattoos, feminization, get fit, paint nails and style my hair. I can change my body but I won't get a new one so I don't want to spend forever hating it if I can instead see opportunity for it. I'm a woman and therefore regardless of what I've been taught to believe, my body is a woman's body. A work in progress. It's gotten me this far after all.

 

It's a yes from me. I'd even argue that unless you have realised you are trans you don't properly know what dysphoria is*, in the same way that someone living in a predominantly humid climate has only an abstract notion of what 'snow' is.

Prior to my epiphany I knew dysphoria as that thing that happens to people 'stuck in the wrong body' but I had no real experience of it. As soon as the penny dropped with me the dysphoria kicked in. For the first few weeks it was excruciating - sometimes I'd wake up and be literally sobbing because I'd feel so sh*** about myself. Since then it has ebbed and flowed; I think my brain has rationalised it now as something I have to go through before I properly transition. It's always worse if I have to spend long periods of time presenting as male.

Beth

* That said, things in our childhood that at the time we put down to other things - shyness, awkwardness, for example - can, in retrospect, be seen as dysphoria.