I’ve been questioning what I am for a while. I’m 25, and never had the courage to explore what I’ve had on my mind for quite sometime yesterday. I’ve always been, nervous, scared, embarrassed etc. I met a really cool guy off of a app. After a few days of chatting, trading pictures, we decided to meet up at his apartment, he lived alone so it made me feel safe. He wanted to hookup, I knew that before I made my way over. Like I said I felt safe, and thought this was the guy to finally explore with. I got to his apartment, we both sat on his couch and made small talk for a bit. He started making out with me which I really enjoyed. Then he said let’s go to the bedroom. So we did. This is where things got awkward, but I tried my best not to show it. Here I was laying naked in someone else’s apartment, feeling awkward and unsure about what I knew was about to happen. It all suddenly became very real and how it was so different from when I had been with women. I had no idea what I was doing but loved every second of it. I felt so awkward though. I could not tell if this guy was into me though. Was I supposed to make a move or was he? With women I always made the move? Then I felt ashamed, like something I actually just really enjoyed was wrong? Just so many emotions.
Hey @CollegeGuy95 Congratulations on exploring your same sex desires. I know it is a big step to understanding your sexuality. I think your range of emotions is not uncommon. Especially, on the first time. Most of us go through the same questions and feelings of guilt and self doubt. So, don't be too hard on yourself. As far as who makes the first move? That depends on you and your partner and the situation. It can be different with each other person and how you relate to each other. There is not a right or wrong answer. It's really important to communicate and it is quite OK to just ask the person you are with to see what they are feeling. That will result in the best intimacy and experience for both of you. It is also important to discuss sexual history, safety and protection. Don't make any assumptions. I know this is difficult when you are the inexperienced one. But, you need to be in control of the situation.
Your reactions are normal for a first time same sex experience. My first time was clumsy, awkward but also the most incredible sexual experience of my life. Afterwards I felt some guilt and shame but soon came to realize those emotions were self inflicted. The bottom line was I realized I was gay beyond a shadow of I doubt.Not one experience with a woman ever can close to what I felt with that first exquisite same sex experience. I knew then I preferred men exclusively as emotional and sexual partners without making excuses or explanations about my sexuality I love the fact that I am gay and it’s just part of who I am. Gay feels so incredibly normal so right.
CollegeGuy95.....The first time is usually a little awkward. My first time was also in college...but many years ago...1969! It was in a car and it was awkward in more than one way! However, the point here is that you were both consenting adults. Nobody was forced and it sounds like, in spite of the awkwardness, that you both enjoyed the evening. I really don't see a problem! Congratulations! .....David
Congratulations bro quick question before you experimented, what was your fantasy life like? Did you watch gay or straight porn? Did you get off to women?
