It just feels like this never gets any easier. I'm seriously getting sick of all this confusion. I really don't know how much more I can take. I know I don't have to "pick a side" or anything, I just wish that I could say for sure whether I'm gay or straight. I don't really feel like I'll ever be comfortable saying that I'm bisexual. To be honest I'd much rather be obviously one or the other. I kind of wish I was just gay because if I was I feel like I'd at least be able to work on coming to terms with that instead of feeling this nearly constant worry that I'm wrong about my sexual orientation no matter what I think it may be at any particular moment. I'm kind of scared to be gay, but I also worry that I could just be a confused straight person. For a while I thought I was getting used to the fact that I might be gay, but now I'm not so sure. The last few weeks I've been having a lot of feelings of doubt that've been stronger than they have for a while. My friend that I've talked about a lot on here before will be coming home for the summer fairly soon and I wonder if I'm just anxious about seeing him in person and what might happen once I do. The main thing that makes me worry is my friend that I've talked about and how I feel about him. We've fooled around a bit, and I think I enjoyed that, but part of me has my doubts. Would someone who's straight be able to enjoy or even have sex with someone of the same sex? I worry that I could just be straight and obesessing about this too much. I enjoy what has happened between us. At least I think I do. I kind of worry that I don't even know if I actually enjoy it or if I'm (or if he is) just horny and settling for someone I feel comfortable enough with. I've just been feeling like a hot mess lately. I know it might not be a good idea to be in any kind of relationship at the moment, but I just feel so lonely and it's nice to feel like someone might care about me at least a little. Maybe that is why I feel like I enjoy it.
Hi @skloorrpt ! I couldn't get much from your post so can't conclude anything. Here are somethings I picked from your post - Surely you don't have to pick a side. I also understand the comfort we get with extreme labels instead of hanging in between. But bisexuality is real. Don't worry. If you come to identify as bisexual, most probably it will not be exactly 50-50 so you would know which side you incline more and you may be able to come to terms with your bisexuality. You have talked only about you being gay and your experience with your friend. What about your feelings for girls? I don't see anything in the post suggesting that you are straight!
I struggled with similar thoughts many years ago, and it's taken me a long time to figure it out, but like @Braj says - bisexuality is real. It doesn't have to be one extreme or the other and it also doesn't have to be 50/50 either. For everyone it is individual. If you are attracted to/fantasize about both men and women, that's ok. When I learned to accept this it's so much easier when I see an attractive guy. I don't feel guilty when I think "wow, he's hot!". I just enjoy it.
I know my original post wasn't very coherent. I was kind of drunk when I was writing it so it may be a bit hard to follow. When I say that I wish I was just gay it's mainly just because if there's ever even the slightest shred of what may be attraction to someone of the opposite sex I'll doubt myself and feel like I could just be straight. I guess the reason that I made this thread was because there are times where I really doubt all of the questioning I have done. It usually happens when I have a seemingly random feeling or thought about what it might be like to be in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Also if I happen to see porn involving women I also sometimes start to wonder. The funny thing is that I think I tend to avoid straight porn now. I suppose I worry that will start the whole cycle of confusion over. For a long time I never watched gay porn, I guess because I was worried that I'd like it, now I feel like it has completely flipped. When it comes to women I don't really know. Sometimes I feel like there's maybe some kind of attraction but it doesn't seem very strong. I guess the same goes for men though. I don't really know if I experience "attraction" the way most people do. Maybe I just don't really understand what attraction is. Sex with men seems interesting, sex with women seems like it might be nice, but I don't know if it is something I'd actually be interested if I had the opportunity. I don't know if attraction should only be about sex though. I've never been as close with a girl as I have with my friend, and I wonder if that is the only reason I feel comfortable having sex with him.
I know bisexuality is real, I just kind of wish I was gay because I feel like it would make all of this so much easier. I hate the self doubt every time the slightest sexual thought about a woman might pop into my head. I guess I seem to watch porn involving men more, but I don't think that the type of porn I watch is a good indicator of my actual sexual orientation. I guess my main worry is that there will always be at least some kind of doubt there and that will prevent me from ever feeling like I can say with 100% certainty what my sexual orientation is.
Yeah.. it can be comforting to know for sure where you belong and not have any doubt and avoid the distress of hanging in between or rolling to and fro. I know that I like men and I am attracted to them sexually too. I had a friend with whom I wished to be for whole life but he was not gay so nothing happened. Still, any thought about a woman and I am totally confused, even though the sexual attraction is not very strong. I start doubting whether I am gay or straight (even I don't want to bisexual). I too start wishing that I was gay and be clear about it, but sometimes it may be just be the wish to be straight that we start self doubt. At least I think that my doubts are a part of denial to be gay. Yeah... such thoughts often bring confusion. I have feelings for men but still if I think of a heterosexual relationship it doesn't seem to be impossible. But frankly what I imagine is mostly us chit-chatting, enjoying activities together etc but I can't imagine having sex. Even children were to appear magically, I even imagine us raising them. And I don't see any problem with that other then sex. So, some slight sexual thought for a woman in real or watching porn and I feel like I may be straight and I can pull it off. But there feelings for men too, so again the confusion begins. Even I went through this cycle. When I first watched straight porn (because my friends forced me to) , I found myself hinged on the man (I knew I was attracted to men way before that and that is why I avoided watching porn). Now, I had the urge to watch gay porn but didn't watch for a long time because of the same fear that I might actually like it and also what if others find out. So, I continued to watch straight porn for a long time. Now, I predominantly watch gay porn and gay films and avoid watching straight porn to avoid any confusion over my sexuality. Sometimes, I still have the urge to test my sexual orientation and then I watch straight or sometimes even lesbian porn. And as expected it leads to all doubts and confusion again, so I avoid it. These are just my experience and thoughts I am sharing. You may not have exact same thoughts but maybe you can relate and find better clarity. Watching a type of porn not necessarily says anything about your sexual orientation. But who you have sexual feelings and fantasies for is a good indicator. Usually you watch same type of porn but of course not necessarily. I share my experiences again here. You can see if something relates to you. I also think there may be some kind of attraction towards women but it is not that strong. And for my feelings for men, for a long time I could not make out anything from them. I didn't know if that is an attraction and does that mean that I want to be in a relation with a man. This is very very similar to how I feel. You told that you can't seem to conclude much from your feelings of attraction for women or men and both seem to be not so strong, while still you feel sex with men more interesting than women and you and not sure if you are interested to have sex with women. So, I guess you can observe your feelings more closely. Sometimes our mind blocks some feelings in an attempt to adhere to the norm. True, but sexual attraction is one of an important aspect to like someone. So observe your other thoughts and feelings too, what they say. I was with a girl for a couple of years, but never thought of having sex with her. People even saw us as a couple. We were very good friends and we remained like that. This is one of the observations I use to deny that I am straight. I used to think that if I find some women with whom I am comfortable may be then I will also have sexual feelings for her and that may be I am straight but demisexual. Whereas, I have sexual feelings for men with whom I am not that close, but I still may not have sex with them unless I am more close and comfortable. Closeness is important for people to engage in sexual activities but it is not the only reason, you won't have sex with everyone/anyone you are close with. Again, just my thoughts. May be you can relate. Please asses your thoughts. --Braj
I've always watched a mix of straight porn and gay porn. But I've never been interested in lesbian porn at all. I've also watched trans porn and imagined myself in the role of the trans woman. This gave me a long phase of wondering about my gender, but it was mostly that I enjoy the idea of being dominated/controlled by a man.
