So I just got out of a 4 month relationship. I know it doesn't sound like a long time but at the moment I am struggling quite a bit. Not sure if it was just really intense or because we are on a national lockdown. On our first date he kissed me and we hit it up straight away. We were together pretty much all the time. Everything was just great. He eventually moved in after about 1 and a half months because of the lockdown and things were pretty good. We got eventually to the stage where we were saying 'I love you'. I am in the process of looking for houses to buy and he would come with me and help with decisions etc. It would be my house, we were not buying it together as it was all very recent. He has a dog and he was also living with us. I live in a flat which IMO is not the appropriate place for a dog but, for me, that was a minor issue. One day he said we should move to a house and rent it together because it was better for his dog and easier to walk him. I said I liked the flat I live in and I was in the process of buying a house so that would be contra productive (fees, moving plus I didn't think we were that far enough in a relationship to live together). He seemed fine with it. I would walk his dog when he was at work (he works from home), would make dinner (he couldn't cook) and most of the times I would clean the dishes and the house altogether. I never really said anything about it. Maybe I should because it started to get to me. I started feeling resentful that I did all the work around the house. One day, after a 12 hour shift, as he was working from home he asked me to walk his dog. I did it and I cooked a meal for both of us but I went silent as I was a bit pissed off about it. He noticed that and after work he went for a walk as he was stressed and noticed I was too. Things were still fine after that until it happened again, but this time I came from a 12 hour shift and the dishes were all still in the sink (he said he would do them as I was at work). I said he could've at least have done them as I needed stuff to cook a meal. We didn't speak for the rest of the night. In fact, he decided to sleep on the sofa that night. In the morning when I woke up I said to him: 'I don't ask for much, the dishes needed washing, that's the only thing that annoyed me'. He said he didn't want to speak about that. I went to work. As I was at work he said he had gone back home as he thought we needed space apart. Later on he messaged me asking if I was ok. We spoke about it and he said he wasn't comfortable in my apartment and that it wasn't good for his dog to be there. Things were still ok after that. We kept meeting almost daily (as both of us work). 1 week after he left we were both on leave from work and we were together all the time. We spent Valentines day together and had dinner. I gave him his gift and he didn't seem very excited about it. He showed me the photoshop gift he was doing for me but it wasn't ready. The next day in the morning he left early and said he was going to walk his dog and went back to his house. The following week he was on nights (where he actually need to go to work) and we kept meeting during the day. He was cold and a bit off but I thought he was just tired from the shifts so I didn't want to bother him with questions. He kept saying I love you, cuddling still etc. After that week he asked me to go out for a walk with him. He said to meet him at the beach. I said it didn't made any sense as he could just pick me up as he always used to do. By now I knew things weren't right. When we got there I asked what was wrong. He said: We are going for a walk to talk about it. I panicked and asked him to tell me. He said he still loved me but his feelings had changed... I just politely asked him to take me home. We hugged and I got home only to burst into tears. 2 days after he texted me to ask how I was. He said he was hurt and numb. I said I was hurt too. I asked him if he could give me my keys back. He agreed. 2 days after that I noticed he had deleted all our pictures together on social media (big mistake to stalk social media I know). I started drinking and I texted him saying it didn't take him long etc. He said this never happened to him (to lose feelings for someone) and he was struggling with it and had things to resolve with himself. I ended up lashing out and said he was a horrible person. I was drunk and hurt and I shouldn't have done it. He said he understand and he knew we were both hurt. The next morning I apologised and we agreed it was good not to talk for a while. And this is where I am. Distraught and hurt. Its been a while since I was broken hearted and it hurts so much. I am struggling. I know by heart all the things you should and should do to heal. But its just not easy. We haven't spoken for a week and I don't intend to speak to him for a while. I am hurt and broken. I just wish it was all a nightmare. I would appreciate any input. Thank you guys xx
Four months is often around the time that people find that the “shine” starts to come off the relationship. It’s when you’re getting past the exciting “getting to know you” period and start trying to figure out how your lives fit together. I wonder if there’s something going on in his life—work stress, general not being ready to be in a relationship right now—that caused the change. You mentioned that you didn’t want to rent a house together because you didn’t think you were far enough in a relationship to live together but you were already living together in your flat at the time. That’s quite a bit in such a short amount of time, especially with everything going on in the world. You’re right, it’s not easy to recover from a break-up, especially when you don’t really understand why it’s happening. The most important thing is time and distance. I’m also a big proponent of writing the person a letter (without sending it). Write down all of your thoughts and feelings, anything you wish you could change, and then do whatever you want with it. Tear it up into tiny pieces, burn it, save it in a folder on your computer marked “The Ex Files.” It helps to get all that out into the world, even if it's only for your eyes.
I agree. I have done the letter thing and it really helps. Hope you start to feel better as time goes on.
Ok in view point of mine, he is afraid from Commitment, he was thinking in mind for this relationship that it not going to anywhere but, hay it was getting to something! So he scared, Don't blame yourself some people they do not deserve any of true feelings like you were offered, Feel happy for what you are, don't feel bad for what people alikes. Life is short for sadness, Just enjoy, i am sure you will found someone appreciate you, Because i already fallen in your charisma, if i where if your ex, i will marry you , Just kidding i hope that i find the love that you offered someday
