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Questioning my sexuality...I'm so confused

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by applehrk, Jan 14, 2021.

  1. applehrk

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    Hi there!
    So I'm actually new here, nice to meet you all!
    Thank you to everyone who will reply orz

    I am currently questioning my sexuality. I am an 18-year-old female who grew up in a conservative society regarding LGBTQIA+ issues (Asia). I don’t have any dating experiences both men and women. I would like to ask you guys for some advice.

    To start off, I have always thought I am straight, or at least I was made to think that. I live in East Asia so the traditional Confucian value is very influential. So when I was young I never even considered dating a girl or kissing a girl. I was taught to appreciate boys and boys alone, no other option. However, I still found some female celebrities attractive, but I just simply dismissed it as girl ‘crush’.

    But everything changed when an online friend told me he was pansexual. At that time, I did not really understand the LGBTQIA+ community (I apologise) so I surfed the internet to find the definition of ‘pansexual’. And as I was reading the definition, I felt strangely relate to it. I think some of you guys may think oh you got influenced and that’s it and I felt that way too at first, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense.

    One time, I had the sudden urge to kiss one of my female friends, it really terrified me. I am not romantically attracted to her, but somehow at that moment I just wanted to kiss her. It’s also one of the reasons why I started to doubt my ’straight’ sexuality.

    I started to realise I was attracted to other genders. I developed crushes on other genders. (It’s all either celebrities or fictional characters, I haven’t found a real-life crush yet). And most of their personalities were kind, intelligent and cool. I tried watching different AVs such as hetero and lesbian, and I was able to be sexually aroused by both of them.

    Although I don’t have any experiences in dating (because you know, Asians place immense importance in academics, no time for dating lol), I have several boys who have confessed to me. I turned them all down not because of their physical attributes, but because I was not attracted to their personalities. I found that I have been attracted to personality first and foremost. And I don’t feel repulsive in dating other genders and sexuality either. However, I have preferences on physical attributes too, but it's not high on the list. I don’t find any body parts sexy (parts people consider sexy) like I cannot be turned on just by looking at abs, boobs, butts etc. ( I always found it confusing when ppl fan themselves whenever they see a beautiful physique) I get turned on once I get to know them well and their personality is my ’type’ ( cool, kind, funny, shares the same value etc), and once that happens I will get turned on by his/her/their physical attributes.
    I think I just find the emotional bonding more appealing than physical.

    I don't know what my sexuality is, am I bisexual, pansexual, or just bicurious, or maybe something completely different?

    Thank you for hearing me out. Love you all <3
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    Welcome to EC

    It is most often heteronormative people who make such accusations, I do not think that you will get such judgments from those of us in the LGBT+ community, especially those who had their "lightbulb moment" only after hearing about such things later due to having a sheltered early life.

    From this you might look into "Demisexual". I identify as Demisexual and Panromantic, I am only physically attracted to someone after connecting to them emotionally.

    I also think that labels are just for communicating to other people. They should not define us nor should we be limited by them, if a label no longer works we should be fine with discarding it and using one that better communicates our experience. Take your time.
     
  3. applehrk

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    Thank you Quiet Peace! Thank you thank you so much! I am so relieved to see that I am not alone. It is hard to crack that mould our parents/ society shaped in our heads. Thank you for your advice! I will figure more of the labels out
    Thank you for reading my story, I wish you the best of luck and please stay safe! <3
     
  4. Omegduh

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    Hi applehrk, hope you're doing well! I too kind of found LGBT stuff online around 13-14 when I started to slowly realize I may be attracted to other genders (mainly girls). It just took some time with my own realizations and having crushes on girls in real life, online, and on fictional characters to be able to understand it better. Definitely take time to just sit with your thoughts. I found that journaling helps me quite a lot.
    And I could relate to this quote so hard. I thought initially I too was 'influenced' by what I saw, but it made sense overtime. I can't say what you are because only you can answer that, but you may sound bisexual or pansexual. Whatever works best for you. Best wishes and take care of yourself out there.